Title: Over And Over Again.
Author:
CrAzY E
Rating:
NC-17
Pairing:
Buffy/Faith of course!
Disclaimers:
Joss and co own the characters. I’m just taking them out for a spin! *cheeky grinz*
Summary:
Angst. Never really done it… Figured was time to cut my teeth on it. Set after
Enemies.
Spoilers:
S-3 til Enemies.
Dedications:
For Laina. I love you. Plain and simple.
Feedback:
Yes please… *grinz* The more the better for my muse and my ego…
E-mail:
porkielaine@yahoo.com.au
A/N: Goddamn it lols… I
wanted to finish all my other W.I.P’s before I
started anything else. Then… hello Nelly! 5 mins of listening to this and I had
a WHOLE goddamn fic that’s demanded to be written. One part… that’s it. I have enough unfinished projects lols. Also… another first… an undeniably wicked mix of my
two fave music genres… this song sooooo
works. Rap and country together… Who’da thunk?
A/N2: As a special request from me… if you have this song play it while you read please? My second song-fic… let me know if it works.
"Over
And Over"
(feat. Tim
McGraw)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
(Now that I’ve realized that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me through
Every time I close my eyes I lock it down oh
I can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head
‘What have I
done?’
Faith was perched
on the roof, her muscles tensed to take flight if need be. Her eyes fastened on
the sleeping body on the other side of the window. She sighed as she pressed
her hand against the glass, careful not to make any noise. She was aware of
EXACTLY how good slayer hearing was.
As she watched
her angel sleep she sighed softly. As always, she’d managed to fuck things up.
She’d betrayed the one person who’d ever meant anything to her. And now it was
literally killing her from the inside. Her choices were tearing at her. But she
still thought she had no choice. She was a killer. What else was there but for
her to be evil? And fight the one thing that terrified her.
Her
feelings. Fighting
against the blonde it made it easier to fight the feelings. Jam them down where
they belonged. She had no right to feel this way. Except for these moments not
long before dawn.
The
moments she allowed herself to dream. And regret. And hate herself more. These moments before dawn. After Angel had
given up his vigil to retreat from the approaching day. The moment
before the world begins to wake and reality kicks in again.
She’d try to
forget the lingering smell of death that clung to this spot from the many times
he’d done this very same thing. Push it away.
And I can’t keep
picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
Pretend for the
few moments that all was okay and she could still reach out and touch the
beauty before her eyes. Pretend that there would be no backlash if she even
attempted.
Flashbacks ran
before her eyes as she watched the soft breathing with the rise and fall of the
blonde’s chest she let her eyes wander over the prone form. Luxuriating
in it.
She saw herself
and Buffy. Face to face. Neither daring to move. She
could feel the soft press of metal against her throat. She couldn’t do it! She
was ordered to eliminate the threat. Or at least turn it’s
head and distract. The moment here and she couldn’t do it. In the moments
following Faith noted everything. Though only a few moments they seemed to go
on forever.
Buffy’s
chest rising and falling from the exertion. Her breaths coming in soft pants almost
in sync with Faith’s own breath. Even fighting against
each other they were in tune. A perfect match against the
other. It was a battle neither of them would fully win.
Faith’s eyes raising. Following the soft lines of the
throat. Blocking from her mind’s eyes the sight of the metal she was all
too aware of holding there. She saw Buffy swallow. Her eyes raised further over
the blonde’s chin to the mouth that was so cute when it
pouted. Further up… to her eye’s.
And she almost
gasped at the pain ripping through those emerald eyes. The
hurt, the betrayal. And it all came flooding down their slayer
connection. For the first time Faith could feel clearly each and every emotion
Buffy was feeling. Could feel the blonde’s battle between wanting to helpand caring for Faith, and
wanting to ‘take down the bad guy’. And she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. So she reacted. Faith dropped the knife long
enough to wrap her hand around the back of B’s neck and pulled her forward. The
brunette squeezed her eye’s shut as she kissed Buffy’s forehead. Two seconds. Skin against skin. And then she ran.
But I see clearly
now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again
Faith saw the
last of this play through her head and sighed again. She’d fucked up, royally.
She’d ran from everything. The Scoobies,
Angel, Giles… and Buffy. Most of all her. The
blonde took away Faith’s ability to think clearly. Made her feel things she
couldn’t handle.
Yet, even with
the running she came here every morning. Her few moments of
time to make-believe.
I don’t know what
else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
As she felt the
rising sun warming her back a sadness washed through
her and she knew it was time to go. Again.
Time
to go back to the real world.
Where she was evil. And where she was never gonna get
the woman she wanted.
She pressed her
nose and her hands to the window once more almost as if she was trying to
get as close as possible to the blonde within. Her emotions bubbled up
momentarily and she fought back a sob as the pain ripped through her as she
fought to push them down again.
She turned away,
climbing down the tree and disappearing into the quickly fading darkness. Much
like the creatures of the night she hunted. Only to return again the following
morning and put herself through this sweet torture
once more.
*****
Inside the room
Buffy stirred in her sleep a softly moaned “Faith.” escaping her lips as she
felt, deep within her slumber, the brunette leaving… again. And she began
crying softly in her sleep.
(I Can’t go on not loving you)