Chapter 19 The three of us (Rated R)

 

It had only been a week since Maggie’s departure from our fair city; our part of the world, but Bianca’s and my life was filled with spending time with Mama, caring for her and stealing moments for ourselves as best we could. Neither of us had the time to even think about Maggie.  Or perhaps Bianca did, but she never made mention of her to me.

 

Bianca and I were beginning to enjoy a new sense of closeness and peace with each other.  Our relationship began to mirror this sweet home we lived in.  We felt relaxed, comfortable and lived-in with one another.  A warm embrace here and tender kiss there, looks that said more then words ever could, it was – no we were becoming “one”, more and more each day. 

 

It was my sweet girl who only last evening said to me, as we lay in each others arms, how she felt we had known each other all our lives.  And though we hadn’t been together all that time it felt as if we had.  I joked and asked her if that meant she was already bored with me, with us.  At first she scowled at the remark and then she kissed me, looked into my eyes and said, “I could never be bored with you, my love.  Everyday you fill my heart, my soul with so many wonderful new sensations and emotions that I thank God you found me. You make me feel more then loved.  You make me feel “whole.” 

 

I didn’t know what to say to her proclamation, any words I could say would never match the feelings I had or the emotions we both shared at that moment.  So I remained silent, fell deep into her eyes, arms and lips and shared with her this blessing of having found one another.   A love as strong as this might have frightened others, but for Bianca and me it had strengthened who we were as individuals and formed a bond between us as a couple that nothing and no one would ever sever.

 

Some might think I was crazed if I told them what is the one thing, the single moment of each day when I know I love my Bianca?  There are those who would guess when we make love in the quiet hours of the night, whispering endless words of love and our own unique sounds of pleasure we give to one another.  Or perhaps they would think it is those times I sit in the early morning hours, just before dawn, and watch my sweet lover lost in her own slumber.  Her face graced with a peace and contentment I know I have been able to help bring back into her life.  Maybe it would be those times we tease and torment one another over some silly thing one of us has said, or better yet, one of Bianca’s relentless tickle abuse attacks she loves to surprise me with at any moment of the day or night.  But no, as much as each and every one of those moments and times bring unending pleasure and joy to my life, with Bianca.  No, the time I love her the most.  The time I can barely contain the love I feel for her and how it makes my heart swell with pride and endless joy.  They are the moments she spends with Mama.

 

I watch the two of them, lost in each others company.  Bianca reading to Mama, sometimes for hours and yet she never complains, she never seems to tire.  The care she shows and gives to my Mother is as gentle, loving and sweet as she is.  Her patience seems to know no bounds.  Bianca has become my Mama’s other daughter.  Something some might become jealous of.  But I feel no fear or jealousy when I watch them together.  Only love and a sense of pride that my lover, the woman I have chosen to be my mate for life, can bring so much love and comfort to my Mother in her final days.  How could I not love her more then?  The overwhelming love I feel for both of them when I witness these precious moments, is almost more then my heart can bear.  But it is a small price to pay, knowing the two people I love most in this world have found a very special love for one another as well.  Something the three of us will need more in the days and weeks ahead.

 

“Lena, darling,” Bianca yelled from Mama’s room, as I worked in the kitchen preparing our lunch.

 

“Yes, my love,” I yelled back with a smile.  Wondering what these two were plotting now.  They were like two small children I could never leave alone for too long.  For if I did, I always found myself the victim of another memory my Mother felt the need to share with my love.  Another Lena childhood embarrassment, that would prove an endless source of amusement for both of my ladies.

 

I walked over to the bedroom door, wiping my hands with a dish towel, leaned against the door jam and smiled at the two very guilty looking faces staring back at me.

 

“And what have you two been up to and why the need to shout for me, my precious?” I asked with a smile, preparing myself for the latest embarrassment.

 

“Paulina’s been…”

 

“Mama, Bianca, please,” Paulina asked with loving eyes and a gentle touch of her hand on Bianca’s arm.

 

Bianca smiled shyly and said, “Mama,” covering Paulina’s hand with her own and then she continued. 

 

“Mama was telling me about your first kiss and that you were only six years old at the time.”

 

“And how does Mama know for certain that “that” was my first kiss?”

 

“Oh, Lena, everyone knew. Especially the young man who was brazen enough to kiss you.  You knocked him to the ground with such a look of surprise and disgust after he kissed you, we all knew it was your first.  Then you made the now infamous Lena Kundera scowl, crossed your arms over your chest and stormed back into the school house.”

 

“Oh, I know that scowl well enough.” Bianca said.  Smiling in my direction.

 

“You mean this one?” I said scowling at both of them now, my arms firmly folded over my chest.  But if the truth be told I was no angrier with them then I was with that boy who kissed me.

 

“Yes. That’s the one,” Bianca said, trying not to laugh now and risk pissing me off even more.

 

“Oh, Lena, you know you can’t pull that off.  I know damn well you aren’t mad at me or Bianca.  Now are you going to tell her the rest of this story or am I?”

 

Lena wasn’t aware her Mother “knew” what happened later, but evidently she did.  But she was going to test that theory.

 

“What do you mean, Mama?”

 

“Going to play innocent are we?  Fine, I will tell the rest then,” Paulina said with a smirk. 

 

Bianca couldn’t help but notice how much Paulina reminded her of Lena just then.  She realized more and more each day, how so many of Lena’s mannerisms seem to come from her Mother.  One of the many reasons Bianca was growing increasingly fond of her “Mother-in-law” to be.    She loved watching them spar and interact with one another.  It was nothing like she and Erica. But then few things were in this life. 

 

Paulina was becoming a Mother Bianca had longed for all her life, as a child and yes, even now.  She didn’t know what Lena or she would do when Paulina was gone.  She just couldn’t think about it.

 

“Bianca, what’s the matter?” Paulina asked, sensing the sudden change in Bianca’s mood.

 

I moved towards the bed and sat beside Bianca, wrapping my arm around her waist. “What’s wrong, baby?  I’m not really angry, please don’t be upset.”

 

“No, I’m fine,” Bianca said. “I’m sorry, I just – it’s nothing. Now, Mama,” Bianca said with a grin. “You were going to tell us what else happened that day.”

 

Mama and I both knew where Bianca had gone, but we all pretended it didn’t happen. None of us wanted to spoil the few good moments we had left.

 

“Well, Bianca, this lady of yours was anything but done with the young man in question.  Her teacher told me later, that Lena wasn’t so much upset that he had kissed her as she was that it wasn’t “her” idea to do so.  She saw them together later and Lena had just pinned the young man against the wall and was telling him…”but Paulina stopped and smiled at Lena. “Or do you want to continue with the rest of this?”

 

“Not really, but I realize I won’t get any rest if I don’t,” I answered Bianca’s eyebrow now raised at me, wondering what happened next.  “Bianca, I was six for God sake.  Don’t go all medieval on me.”

 

“Just spit it out, Kundera, What did you do next?”

 

My Mother smiled and I suddenly knew I had been played once again by these two.  Bianca knew damn well what had happened already, but was toying with me as usual.  Lord, these two would be the end of my sanity if I let them.  Oh and how I loved to let them.

 

“Well, I told him, he’d better never touch me again, unless I asked him to and then I ordered him to kiss me again.”

 

“You “ordered” him?” Bianca laughed.

 

“Yes, I ordered him to kiss me and he did.”

 

“Then what happened?”

 

“When we finished kissing, I knocked him to the ground again. Stood over him and said. “Remember that, little man, Lena Kundera is always in charge. Not you.” And I walked away.

 

“Damn, Lena, did he every try to kiss you again or ask you out?”

 

“No, sweetie, I had moved on to better things. There was a very hot little 9 year old red head caught my eye, and she and I used to hide in the fields on the way home and spend hours kissing and – well she kept me too busy for stupid little boys my own age.”

 

“Lena!” Paulina said with both shock and amazement.  “You didn’t.”

 

“Oh yes I did Mother.  See you don’t know everything about your little girl, now do you.”  Suddenly I knew I had gone too far with this story, but there was no taking it back.

 

“What was her name?” Bianca asked, in what seemed like a slightly hurt tone of voice.

 

“Nina,” I said, answering them. She may not have been my “first kiss” I said to myself, but she was my first love. 

 

“Your best friend?  I had no idea,” Mother said.  She too looked hurt now. 

 

“She was your best friend till you were…”

 

“Fifteen, yes I know, Mama. Till they took her and her family away and I never saw her again.”

 

“I never knew – why…”

 

“Mama please, how could I tell you?”

 

“True – but you…”

 

“Mama it was years ago, let’s not spoil what we have now over old forgotten pasts.  It doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters now is you two. You and Bianca are my life.  All that happened before – well it’s just memories. That’s all. Now, who wants some of my lunch I have slaved to prepare?”

 

“I’m too tired, Lena. I want to take a nap first.”

 

I knew Mama was tired, but that wasn’t why she didn’t want to eat or look at me now. She turned on her side, away from Bianca and me.  Pulling her blanket up to her neck and closed her eyes. I felt like such a shit.  Why did I bring up Nina now, after all these years?  I should have known it would upset her. But I – I got lost in their enthusiasm about my past, the lighthearted teasing.  It made me forget, some things are better left unsaid.  No matter how much time passes.

 

Bianca stood and reached out for my hand.  I took it and we went to the other side of the bed. There we both took turns telling Mama we loved her, kissed her on the forehead and left her to sleep.  Bianca and I tried to eat some lunch, but it seemed we had lost our appetites as well.  We sat in silence at the kitchen table for what felt likes hours, but was only about 20 minutes.  Finally Bianca spoke.

 

“Lena, don’t worry about your Mother.  She will be fine.  You just took her by surprise, that’s all.  I’m sure when she wakes from her nap she will have forgotten all about it.”

 

“Please, Bianca, you know as well as I do, my Mother never forgets anything.  I will have to talk to her later and see if I can make it better.”

 

Bianca took my right hand and pressed my palm to her warm full lips. I closed my eyes as I relished this sudden and unexpected response from my lover.  First she kissed the palm several times then she held it to her cheek.  When she did that, I opened my eyes only to find hers staring back at me with an abundance of love.

 

“Come with me, Lena,” Bianca said standing now, still holding my hand and asking me to join her.

 

I couldn’t believe it.  Bianca wanted to make love – now.  And my body was crying out “Yes, say yes.”  But it didn’t seem right, not at first.  Something told me she wanted this, no needed it because she had just learned about my first love.  Not just my first love, my only love other then Bianca.  But what Bianca didn’t know and I needed to tell her, it was nothing like what she and I now share. How could it be?  Nina and I were children. Even when we became teenagers it was never what I would now call “love.”  Not real heart stopping love.  But I needed to explain that to Bianca, not myself.

 

She led me to our bedroom.  She sat me down on the bed and began to undress me.  Something told me to wait. Not to try and explain about Nina now.  Bianca needed me – us now.  Needed to know she was my life, my love the only one I ever thought of when I dreamt of making love.  As she finished undressing me, I took her sweet face into my hands, “Yours, my love, only yours. With all I am or ever will be.”  A single tear escaped her eye as she smiled back at me.  “I know, Lena.  And I am all yours. Now lay back on the bed, my love.”

 

I did as she asked.  Lying there, watching my sweet girl remove her clothes, her eyes lovingly focused on mine the entire time. 

 

Once she removed the last vestiges of her attire, she crawled onto the bed gently, laying her warm, naked body on top of mine. Resting her head on my chest and pulling me towards her. I wrapped my arms around her as well, basking in the love our two bodies and minds were sharing.  Our two hearts almost beating as one against one another.  Our breathing now sounding in unison and filling the room that was washed in our love.  Neither one of us could move.  What was about or not about to happen I realized had little or nothing to do with sex or even love making.  It had to do with something there aren’t words for.  This time, unlike all those years ago with that stupid little boy in the play ground, Lena Kundera wasn’t the one in charge.  Wasn’t the one in control.  I would wait for Bianca to set the tone, but in the end it would be both of us together.  Neither in charge or in control. No, this wasn’t about control.  It was very simply about “us.”

 

 TBC

 

Stephanie  aka   The Diva

 

Feed Back: Oh yes please.  Please note there will be a follow up love scene to this that will be NC-17. I will try to get it done and posted this weekend as well.

 

I realize I had said this would be an NC-17 chapter, but it is really R because I found I wanted to portray their emotions and caring for each other, more then explore a sexual liaison between them now.  The intimacy is there, but not one of a more graphic nature.

 

Chapter  19  Scene two “US”  (Rated R)

 

 

I had no idea how long we lay on our bed together, nor did I care.  Neither of us spoke as we both became mesmerized by our heartbeats and breathing.  Bianca’s delicate fingers gently caressing and running up and down my arm as I held her.  Occasionally she would move her head ever so slightly and place just the softest of kisses on my neck or chest.  With all the love I was feeling from Bianca, as we lay there, I never wanted to move. Or, God forbid, see this magical moment in time come to an end. 

 

We had been close, intimate many times since her arrival, but nothing like this and we both knew it. Just as I was about to move my right hand and run my fingers through her hair, Bianca ran her middle finger down my arm starting at my shoulder.  She did it so slowly I felt as if she were memorizing every inch of my arm.  As her hand reached mine we intertwined our fingers, her thumb gently drawing circles over my wrist as our two hands closed tightly together. 

 

 

That simple repetitive movement with her thumb was sending waves of pleasure through my body.  Who knew such a simple act of affection could create such feelings of desire.  But it seemed like so much more then desire or passion.  My mind couldn’t begin to comprehend at first or translate into words what my entire being was feeling.  I decided to let go and follow Bianca’s lead. My other arm was holding my lover close to me as I began to imitate her gentle circles with the pads of my fingers against the small of her back.  That was when she released the softest of moans from her lips.

 

 

She shifted her weight to my left, just enough, so her head was now resting on my breast. Her warm core pressed against my hip, her left leg draped over my body in direct contact with all of my most sensitive areas.  Her hand never let go of mine, her thumb never ceasing those endless sensual concentrated movements against my wrist.  My body released a moan of pleasure as well now. I moistened my lips with the tip of my tongue wishing my sweet lover’s lips were pressed against mine.

 

 

I stopped caressing the lower part of Bianca’s back, worked my fingers up towards her neck and ran them through her lush, thick tresses. My love moved her head as I lovingly caressed her hair.  I laughed as I caught her purring like Baby B while I continued to stroke her hair.  Our lips met for a kiss for only a brief moment. Then she rested her head once again upon my breast.

 

 

It was as if everything we did and felt was in slow motion now. Slow, sensual, loving and safe from all outside pain.  We were wrapped in our own safe little bubble and nothing could penetrate it.  Bianca had formed our shield, but I was the gate keeper and only we had the key.  We needed no words to know what the other wanted.  No sense of rush or urgency existed.  All we wanted or needed, we already had - each other.   

 

 

Bianca raised her head and looked deeply into my eyes.  She smiled that wonderful Bianca smile that said so much more then words ever could.  She loved me.  Loved us and trusted me to never let that love ever die.  She released my hand she had been holding, caressing and placed her free hand on my cheek. Running her thumb over my lips as her radiant smile continued to tell me she loved me. I placed my palm on her cheek as well, running my thumb over her lips – that golden smile, kissing the pad of my thumb. Capturing it with her lips and running her tongue ever so slightly over its tip.  I tried to initiate the same contact with her delicious digit, but before I could she pulled her hand away.

 

 

I pouted at the loss, but soon rejoiced at my lover’s choice for its new home.  Bianca cupped my breast with her hand, massaging and caressing it as if it were a new and special gift I had given her.  Her touch – there weren’t words for what Bianca was doing to my body, my senses, with her touch.  I wanted to make her feel at least some of what I felt as I reached for hers.  Holding her sweet breast, at first in the palm of my hand, allowing the soft flesh to mold itself into its recesses.  I closed my eyes taking in a deep breath as I marveled at the warmth and feel of her skin.

 

 

Her breasts were always a great source of joy to me, when we made love.  Something she commented on quite often, just to torment and tease me.  But this time I felt as if it were the first time that I held this precious jewel in my hand.  It was as though with Bianca’s guidance we were truly experiencing each others bodies for the first time.  Not from our perspective alone, but from that of our lover.  How she was feeling, her body and how it was responding to my touch and mine to hers. It suddenly became clear. We weren’t making love to each other, alone.  We were love, we were each other. We were becoming one flesh, one heart, one soul and one body.  I felt as if I had seen the eyes of God and finally knew what true love was.  I had thought I already knew what a gift I had in Bianca’s love, but now we were transcending all concepts in human understand of physical love.  Greater then passion or lust, stronger then the deepest of emotions ever spoken.  This was something only the two hearts and souls that merged into one would ever understand or appreciate for its intrinsic value.

 

 

We touched, caressed, memorized and explored every inch of one another’s body while communicating beyond words the emotional longings and needs each of us had.  Sharing on a level that we both realized most mortals probably never knew.  Too lost in their own needs and wants to ever open themselves up enough to let their lover truly in.  Not knowing that this was true bliss, love on such a level it almost hurt to bear.  And yet opening doors between us that we never knew existed and would never be closed again. 

 

 

Bianca and I had found the ultimate gateway to each others entire being forming that final bond between us that would seal our love for an eternity.  She was my love, my mate for life and I was hers, a realization that gave us both such a sense of peace and wonder.  We were married now in the truest sense of the word.  “My wife, my love,” we both whispered to one another as we drifted off to sleep.  Cradled in each others arms and bathed in our love.

 

 

TBC

 

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

 

Feed Back:  Yes please.  Means more then you know.

 

 

 

I have a special treat for you tonight. Or at least a chapter I hope you all with enjoy.  I must warn you though, you might need a few Kleenex towards the end, but not because something bad is to happen. But you will see. So lean back, read and enjoy.  

 

 

Chapter 20  An angel from heaven.  (Rated PG-13)

 

 

 

Mama was having a good day with very little pain.  So Bianca and I coaxed her into agreeing to let us take her out on this glorious fall day and go for a short drive and enjoy the fresh air and scenery.  Baby B was mewing and following us all morning as we packed up the car with blankets, water and a few food stuffs, just incase Mama or the rest of us got hungry on the drive.  Mama was in her wheel chair now and patted her knee for Baby B to jump up and join her.  Little B arched her back as she rubbed against Mama’s leg, then stopped and gauged the distance before jumping on to Mama’s lap and proceeded to land dead center, immediately striking a pose of pure contentment.  Mama began to scratch the back of the fuzz balls ears and listening to her endless loud purring motor.  The two of them sitting there smiling and enjoying the moment.

 

 

 

“Mama you aren’t?” I begged her, knowing full well my question was rhetorical at best.

 

 

 

“What Lena?” Mama answered, with a smug and guilty air about her.

 

 

 

“You aren’t taking B,” I tried to say with some semblance of force.  As if that ever worked with Mama or Bianca.

 

 

 

“Lena, please, Baby needs to get out too.  Besides she is my protector, you know that.  And you know full well, if we leave her behind she will raise hell for days when we get back.”

 

 

 

“She’s right, Lena. And I for one do not want to have to listen to that.  She hates me enough as it is.  If you leave her here, I just know she will blame me and not the rest of you,” Bianca said with a pout and a rolling of her eyes that made me want to stop what I was doing and take her into my arms and hug her.  But I smiled to myself and let the three women of the household have there way, as usual.  Sometimes I wondered whatever happened to the strong in control Lena Kundera.  And then I’d look at these three and knew I had traded her in for something better, a family and all the love that came with that.

 

 

 

Bianca and I grabbed our jackets and hurried Mama and her “protector” out to the car.  Baby B jumped on to the back seat and waited for Mama to join her.  We lifted her up from the chair and wrapped her in blankets, making sure she was sitting comfortably before we took off.  Bianca and I each took a deep breath, once we got into the front seats.  Exhausted from the morning’s running around, but then smiled at on another and turned to smile at Mama too, both asking if she was comfortable and ready to go.

 

 

 

“Please girls, you fuss too much.  I am fine.  Now let’s go before the day is over and all we have done is getting this tired old body of mine into this car and nothing else.” She answered with a grin and a wink. 

 

 

 

Bianca and I both knew she was probably even more tired then we were from just getting ready, but she needed this as much as we did.  Too many days in our little house was making all of us stir crazy.  I reached over and squeezed Bianca’s hand, smiled and then started the car.

 

 

 

“The Kundera/Montgomery excursion has begun.  Let the fun begin,” I said, pulling out of our driveway and looking forward to a wonderful day with my girls.

 

 

 

We left the main roads as soon as we could and drove on a smaller back country road, that none of us had been on before.  The scenery was breathtaking. Small well kept farms decorated the countryside like a picture book.  Children playing games and chasing each other through their yards and fields. Their high pitched laughter ringing through the air made all of us smile and long for the innocence they were enjoying.  I saw a tear fall down Bianca’s cheek and I knew she was thinking of her Miranda, wishing she were here.  Enjoying the youth that sweet baby would never come to know now.

 

 

I brushed my hand over Bianca’s arm, letting her know I understood and I was there if she needed me.  She looked at me and tried to smile, moving closer to me now and resting her head on my shoulder as we continued to drive.

 

 

 

“Look, girls,” Mama called out.  I almost jumped out of my skin with her sudden exclamation breaking the silence and thoughts that Bianca and I were sharing.

 

 

 

“What,” I answered, and then I saw what I was sure my Mother was referring to.  A beautiful lake surrounded by trees and the cutest family of ducks waddling around the edge of the lake.  I stopped the car as we all three took a moment to take in the beauty and charm of the sight before us.

 

 

 

“Do you want to get out here, Mama?” Bianca turned to ask my Mother. The two of them smiling gleefully at the idea.

 

 

 

“Yes, very much so my darlings.  Would it be too much trouble to get me over by the lake?” she said, afraid the chair might not work on the ground and wished now she hadn’t made the suggestion.

 

 

 

“Mama, the ground is hard enough, I am sure, from the cold we have had.  But even if I have to carry you, we will get you over to that lake,” I said, full of the old Kundera resolve to give my Mother anything she asked for these days.

 

 

 

“Wouldn’t that be a sight?” Mama said, with a sarcastic laugh.

 

 

 

 

“Don’t think she won’t do it, Mama,” Bianca smirked. “She is more then capable, I promise you.”

 

 

 

 

“Oh, of that I have no doubt, Bianca. I am just not sure I want to test that theory.  Let’s try the chair first, girls,” she said, with the trademark dimpled Kundera smile.

 

 

 

 

“The chair it is then,” I said, as Bianca and I filed out of the car.  Gently packing Mama up into the wheel chair and placing Baby B on her lap, who by the way had slept the first leg of this trip on just that spot.  We then took off with blankets, each other and headed for the lake.

 

 

 

Fortunately it wasn’t one of those damp, cold fall days. The sun was shining and there was just the right nip in the air.  The smell of burning leaves filled our senses, joining the wonderful sound of the children’s laughter from the farm across the way.  Bianca had laid the blankets down, for she and I, and we sat before Mama taking in the beauty of the day. 

 

 

 

Bianca was throwing some of the bread we had brought at the family of ducks, as they swam in the water now. Their little heads diving for the food Bianca offered them, while their Mother watched over them, keeping them grouped together.

 

 

 

“Hello,” a little voice suddenly said from behind us.

 

 

 

We turned and saw the most beautiful little girl of 3 or 4 years of age smiling back at us.  Her small left hand resting in the mane of her pet, a large dog of unknown breading, standing guard beside her. 

 

 

 

“And who might you be?” I asked, not expecting her to answer. Most children that age tend to be shy, but this girl had an air about her, a confidence that reminded me of someone.

 

 

 

“I’m Erika,” she answered back proudly. Holding her head high and offering her right hand to me to shake.

 

 

 

“Well, hello Erika, it is a pleasure to meet you.  I am Lena, and this is Bianca and my Mother.  Oh and the very unhappy cat, on my Mother’s lap, is Baby B,” I said, suddenly noticing that during the introductions the dog and Baby B were sizing each other up for a fight or something equally unpleasant.

 

 

“Nice to meet you,” The little cherub replied. Her big, brown eyes sparkled underneath the longest eyelashes I had ever seen on a child, as she spoke with great confidence and animation. She then wrapped her little arms around the dog, whispered something into his ear causing the dog to turn, walk a few feet away from us, stop, turn to face us again and sit patiently waiting for his next order from his little mistress.

 

 

 

The three of us were stunned by the control this small child seemed to have over this rather large dog.  We sat in silence, not knowing what to say next.

 

 

 

“Don’t worry, Hans won’t hurt your Baby B.  He only does what I tell him to do, and I told him to wait over there for me, until I am ready to go home.”

 

 

 

“How old are you?” Bianca asked, amazed by this small child’s demeanor.

 

 

She held up her little slender hand with four fingers pointed high. “Four and a half, but Mama and Papa say I am very mature for my age.  I don’t know because this is the only age I have ever been till now, but they are probably right.” She said with a smile.

 

 

 

“She reminds me of you, Lena, at that age,” Mama chimed in.

 

 

 

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Bianca said. “And can you believe her name is Erika?  She has a little bit of her in her too.”

 

 

 

“You know another Erika?” the child asked of B.

 

 

 

“Yes I do.  She is my Mother.”

 

 

 

 

“And she is mature for her age too?” the little one asked with all seriousness.

 

 

 


All but the little girl laughed at that.  The three of us could hardly contain ourselves as the remark had hit home in more ways then the child could possibly know.  Erica Kane and mature were not two things you would put together now. Not with the way she had been behaving this year.  The little one started to frown, thinking we were laughing at her and not at her remark.  I knelt in front of her and took her little hands in mine, hoping not to frighten her.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, little one, we weren’t laughing at you, but rather what you had said and how it pertained to our friend, Bianca’s Mother.  We didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

 

 

“It’s ok,” she said with a sweet smile. “I like you, Lena, you’re pretty.” Erika said, letting go of my hands and running her tiny fingers over my dimples.  It was then that I noticed she two was sporting some dimples of her own when she smiled.  I could feel myself blush as she touched my face.  Our new little friend was a flirt, just like me as well.  I started to feel as if I had entered parallel universe and was meeting myself in another time.

 

 

 

“Thank you, Erika; you are sweet to say that.  But Bianca is my girlfriend and we don’t want to make her jealous, now do we?” I answered with a wink at my new little friend.

 

 

 

“No.  Bianca is very pretty too.  You are very lucky to have Lena as your friend,” she said to Bianca, taking my hand and joining Bianca and I on our blanket.

 

 

 

 

“Yes, I am,” Bianca said, tucking a few stray hairs of Erika’s long, curly auburn hair behind her tiny ear.  Her hand lingered for a few seconds, on the sweet child’s face, before falling to her side again.

 

 

 

“Do you and Lena have any children, Bianca?” Erika asked.

 

 

 

“No,” Bianca tried to say, the word just barely escaping her lips.  “I – we had a little girl, but we lost her.  Her name was Miranda.”

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Erika said, taking Bianca’s hand in her own two little hands, as if to console her. “My Mama lost a baby too.  My baby brother died this year.  We were all very, very sad.  But Mama and Papa said he is in heaven and playing with lots of other babies.  I bet he knows your Miranda.  I will pray to him tonight and ask him to be her friend and watch over her.  Would that be alright?” she asked, patting Bianca’s arm as she spoke to her.

 

 

 

“Yes, sweetie…” Bianca tried to say but couldn’t continue.  She pulled little Erika to her and hugged her, weeping as she did.  The child didn’t flinch or try to get away from this young woman she hardly knew.  Instead she hugged Bianca back, her little arms wrapped tightly around my lover’s neck.  Whispering in her ear, “it’s ok, it’s ok.”  Which seemed to make Bianca cry all the more.

 

 

 

Mama and I weren’t doing much better. Tears were streaming down our cheeks as well.  I was about to go to Bianca and try to console her when we heard someone clear their throat.  I looked up and saw what must be this little girl’s Mother staring back at us.  I was amazed she had not a hint of concern in her eyes.  Something told me her little angel had made other such unexpected visits with strangers before.

 

 

 

“Erika,” the woman said, wiping her hands on her apron as she spoke.  “Are you bothering these poor ladies?”

 

 

 

The child broke from Bianca’s grip and stood between us, facing her Mother before she spoke.  “No, Mama, these nice ladies and I were having a chat.  I wasn’t bothering them, really.”

 

 

 

“She really wasn’t, Mrs…” I tried to say, then realizing I didn’t know this woman’s last name.

 

 

 

“Then why is your one new friend crying, Erika?” her mother asked, with tenderness in her voice.  Something told me she had come upon our conversation and knew the answer already.

 

 

 

Erika turned to Bianca again and wiped a few of her tears away as she answered her Mother.  “Bianca lost a baby too, Mama.  I told her I would pray for our baby Joseph to watch over her Miranda.  Is that ok, Mama?”

 

 

 

“Yes, sweetie, that is very much ok.  But you need to get home now.  Your Papa was worried about you. You know how much he hates when you run off like this.  Now say goodbye to the nice ladies and get Hans, we need to get home,” the woman said reaching out for her daughter’s hand.

 

 

“Yes, Mama. Goodbye, Bianca. Bye Lena. Bye Lena’s Mama,” she said, hugging each of us before she left.  Her Mother smiling and saying thank you to us, before she left with her precious child and the family dog.

 

 

 

The three of us remained speechless for sometime after that.  I held Bianca in my arms as we sat trying to digest everything that had just happened.  Mama held Baby B with one hand and rested her other on my shoulder.  A slight breeze began to pick up, so I cajoled Bianca to help me get Mama back in to the car.

 

 

 

Once we were all back in the car in one piece and headed home, Bianca finally spoke. 

 

 

 

“Lena,”

 

 

 

“Yes, my love.”

 

 

 

“I want us to have a baby Lena.  Can we do that?” she asked with her head down, as she played nervously with her hands.

 

 

 

I pulled over and parked the car.  Turned to my sweet girl and took hold of her hands.  

 

 

 

“Baby, please look at me.” I said, waiting for her to look in to my eyes.  She finally turned her head and looked at me, hoping for the answer she wanted.

 

 

 

“If I can have a child, or even if we have to adopt, I promise, when we are ready, we are going to have lots of little Lena’s and Bianca’s.  A house so full of children it will seem like Christmas everyday.”

 

 

 

“You promise?”

 

 

 

“Yes, my love, I promise.”

 

 

 

Bianca hugged me, thanked me and then I think out of pure emotional exhaustion eventually fell asleep on my shoulder as we continued our drive home.  Mama waited until we were home and I was putting her to bed before she and I talked about what had happened.  She told me I was the best daughter she could have ever hoped for and how blessed Bianca was to have me and vice versa.  She then told me how sorry she would be to miss being there for our children, but she knew they would be loved and in the best possible hands with Bianca and I.

 

 

It broke another piece of my heart that day, to realize Mama wouldn’t be there as they were growing up and our children would never know her.  But I would make sure they would know her in other ways as I knew Bianca would too.  This wonderful woman would never truly be gone. Not as long as I lived. 

 

 

Bianca came up behind me as I kissed Mama good night and tucked her in.  With the full day we had all had, she fell asleep before either of us left the room.  Baby B, as usual, snuggled in her arms and purring away. Bianca and I left the two sleeping beauties, closed Mama’s door and retired to our room

 

 

 

“Long day,” Bianca said, pulling me close to her, resting her head on my shoulder.

 

 

 

“Are you alright?” I asked, knowing the answer, but feeling the need to let my love know I was willing to listen if she needed to share what was on her mind.

 

 

 

“Better now, I think.  I thought I had let go of all those feelings, about Miranda.  But meeting that wonderful little girl – well just brought it all back.”

 

 

 

“I know, sweetie, but think of the wonderful gift she gave us.  We know her baby brother is watching over Miranda and she has a wonderful little friend to play with.  And if he is anything like his little sister, they will be laughing and playing for all time, don’t you think, my love.”

 

 

 

“Yes,” she said, with a small laugh.  They will be quite the pair, won’t they?” she asked, as she looked up into my eyes and smiled for the first time since we got home.

 

 

 

“Yes, my love, quite the pair,” I said, kissing Bianca and holding her until I knew she was ready to let go. Not just of me, but of her fears and doubts that had come back today.  She was better now.  We sat for hours talking about the magical little girl we had met.  And how, one day, we would have one just like her and hopefully many brothers and sisters as well for her to play with and enjoy.  We both then fell asleep dreaming of our family to be and all the love they would bring into our lives.

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

 

Feed Back:  Please, please and please.

 

 

 

Chapter 21 The answer to our prayers (rated R)

 

 

 

I was in the middle of giving Mama a sponge bath, when Bianca walked in.  She looked dazed.  I had no idea what had happened to her, I only knew she had just taken a phone call from home, but I didn’t know from whom.  Mama gave me a look telling me I should go to Bianca, so I did.

 

 

 

“Sweetie, is something wrong?  Someone sick? Talk to me, love, please. You’re scaring me.”

 

 

 

“She’s – she’s alive, Lena,” Bianca said, looking up into my eyes with this vacant stare.  “My baby, Miranda, is alive.”

 

 

Before she could say another word, she collapsed in my arms and fainted dead away.  I caught her before her body hit the floor and carried her over to Mama’s bed, laying her down as gently as I could. Mama and I trying to deal with what we had just heard.

 

 

 

“Do you think it is true, Lena?  Dear God, do you think that sweet baby is alive?”

 

 

 

“I don’t know, Mama.  But I do know, if this is some kind of sick joke, someone is going to pay.  I need you to watch her, Mama, while I try to call Jackson.”  She nodded yes, I kissed Bianca’s cheek and left the room. 

 

 

 

I rushed to the phone, in the hall, and looked up Jackson’s numbers in Bianca’s address book.  The one she kept on the hall table.  Just incase of emergencies, she had always told me.  Well, if this didn’t qualify as one, nothing did.

 

 

 

Though it was the middle of the day there, I called his home phone. Something told me, if this were true he had been the one to call Bianca.  And he would have done it from home.  The phone rang only once, before he picked it up and answered.

 

 

 

“Bianca, sweetie, is that you?” he asked, as I tried to get my voice to work.

 

 

 

“No, Jackson, its Lena.  Did you call Bianca and tell her Miranda is alive?”

 

 

 

“Lena – yes – yes I did.  Is Bianca alright?  She barely said anything to me before she hung up, once I told her the truth.”

 

 

 

“Jackson, if this was anyone else, I’d swear you were lying. But I know you would never do that to her.  What the hell happened? How – where – where has our baby been all this time?” I asked, struggling not to cry.  This was no time for tears.  I needed answers and I needed them now.  And I needed a clear head to hear them

 

 

 

“Lena, if you aren’t sitting you need to be.  It’s a nightmare, far worse then any of us could have ever imagined.”

 

 

 

“But you said she is alive.  Why would that be a nightmare?  The nightmare was when we thought she had died.”

 

 

 

“Yes – yes, Lena, that was terrible.  But she never died, obviously. Lena, I’m sorry.  But it is so hard to have to tell this again, but I will try.”

 

 

 

I took a seat, as Jackson went into all the disgusting details of the past 6 months. Babe and her Mom had been lying to Bianca,  pretending to be her friend and yet  keeping Miranda from her all that time and why. Those lying bitches, I wanted to strangle the life out of both of them. JR turning to the dark side, giving me ridiculous images of that Darth Vader character in my mind. So many lies, by so many people, I could barely believe it, let alone comprehend the depth of deceit and cruelty all the parties involved had perpetrated on my sweet, loving Bianca. 

 

 

 

I could feel my blood pressure rising.  If there hadn’t been thousands of miles and an Ocean between us, I would have run to my car, tracked each and every one of them down and made them pay.  One at a time, till they knew the kind of pain they had caused my sweet love. But I couldn’t waste my time or energy on them, not now.  Bianca needed me and Mama too.  They would both need me now more then ever.

 

 

 

I rose from my chair, thanked a distraught Jackson for taking the time to explain everything to me.  Trying to remain calm, not cry, scream and yell in to the phone what I wanted him to do to those people.  Instead, I asked when he would be bringing our daughter home. The phone went silent for a few seconds, then he answered.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, Lena, I just assumed Bianca would come home.”

 

 

 

 

“NO!” I shouted.  “I won’t let her near those animals.  They should thank God neither she nor I are there to make them pay.  She needs to heal, Jack, she needs her baby.  And she sure as hell doesn’t need to be surrounded by all the bullshit that is going on there.”

 

 

 

“I understand, Lena.”

 

 

 

“Do you, then get our baby girl here, Jack. Bring that precious baby on the next plane and bring Miranda to her Mother now.  They have been separated long enough.  We need all of our family here, Jackson, and I am counting on you to make that happen.”

 

 

 

“If that is what you and Bianca wants, Lena? Then I will make it happen.  I promise.” Just then I felt Bianca wrap her arms around me and whisper “thank you” in my ear.

 

 

 

“It’s what we both want, Jack.  And thank you, thank you for having the decency to call and let us know.”

 

 

 

“Baby, let me talk to him, please,” Bianca asked.  I turned and gave her the phone.

 

 

 

 

“Uncle Jack, thank you.  Please bring me my baby.  I need Miranda.  With Lena and her Mama, before….” she tried to finish, but all the emotion finally got the best of her.  She put the phone down and took hold of me and wept.  As I held my sweet girl, I made one last plea.  “Bring Miranda here, Jack, it’s been too long already.  Please bring our baby home.”

 

 

 

I hung up the phone hearing Jackson assure me he would get our little one home.  But Bianca needed me now.  I helped her back to Mama’s room.  All three of us needed to be together. 

 

 

 

We sat on the bed with Mama, holding each other and crying for what seemed like hours.  Our little family needed to heal and grieve for the pain these creatures had brought into our lives.  Both Bianca and I tried to explain the horrific events that had transpired to keep our Miranda from us for so long.  But how do you make sense of such lies and deceit? 

 

 

 

After much crying and talking, the three of us, and little Baby B, fell asleep on Mama’s bed. Huddled together like three small children on a rainy night.

 

 

 

About an hour later, I awoke, wrapped in the love of my family’s arms.  Then the memories of little Erika flooded my mind and I realized for the first time it was really true.  Miranda was alive. A wonderful warmth swept over my body, with just the thought of our sweet girl back in our lives and arms again.  Though I hadn’t been blessed yet with the thrill of holding her, my arms ached to do so.  And our little friend by the lake and her baby brother had some how worked a miracle for us and brought our baby girl back into our lives.  I knew it would sound crazy to some I might tell this outlandish idea to, but I knew in my heart it was true.  And I knew both Bianca and Mama would agree. 

 

 

 

That little angel had been a blessing to our lives, the day we met her.  And somehow she had helped to end this nightmare for my sweet love. Soon we would be holding our little girl in our arms.  We would celebrate then and only then.  But the wait wouldn’t be long.  I knew Jackson would see to that and so did Bianca.  And I knew one more thing.  Once our Miranda was home, we would take her to meet her angel, Erika.  Then we would all be able to thank her for making us a family once again.

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

Stephanie  aka The Diva

 

 

 

Feed Back:  Please my darlings, yes.

 

 

I know that some of you might be sitting there thinking the Baby might have to have shots or other things done before they could bring her over. And to tell you the truth, that could very well be. But for dramatic purposes, I am not going to sweat those details, so please forgive me.  Because I want Miranda with her Mothers and Grandmother now and I’m sick of all the freakin’ delays on AMC. I had planned on waiting till Bianca really got her baby back on the show, before I would reunited them. Though my story doesn’t adhere to their plot line, but I think we will all be old and gray before AMC returns Miranda to B. So I am reuniting them now.  I hope no one minds. End of Diva Rant. 

 

 

 

Chapter 22  Dealing with the reality (Rated PG-13)

 

 

Bianca had been quiet for most of the morning.  Two days had passed and we hadn’t heard from Jackson yet, as to when he would arrive with Miranda.  I tried to explain to Bianca that even with Jackson’s connections, I was sure papers would be needed and we should a least expect it would be another day or two before he would arrive with our baby.  But nothing I could say or do seemed to help her mood, not that I could blame her.  Hell, I wasn’t fairing much better, but I couldn’t let her know that. Bianca was the victim here, not I.  I had no right to give into my feelings, and certainly not now when she hadn’t had time to fully explore her own.  The hardest part was the not knowing why Jackson wasn’t at least trying to keep us posted on the details of Miranda’s return.  But I felt, for Bianca’s sake, we had to trust in his judgment and not dwell on the silence we were still receiving from Pine Valley.

 

 

Later, while I was reading to Mama, Bianca came to say she was going for a walk. That she needed some fresh air.  I asked if she wanted me to join her, but she mumbled something about it being only for a short while, that there was no need for me to come.  So I told her I loved her and to be sure and take a jacket. The weather was becoming more fall like everyday and I didn’t want her to get sick. She smiled and said she would, leaving Mama and I wondering what we could do to make this easier for our girl.  But neither of us had even a hint of a clue.

 

 

As time past, I had finished reading to Mama when I realized almost an hour had come and gone and Bianca hadn’t returned.  Mama was ready for her nap, and had taken all her meds for the next few hours, so I grabbed my cell phone, kissed Mama and Baby B goodbye and went in search of my beloved.  

 

 

I didn’t have to look very far though. Bianca was heading back towards the house as I crossed the threshold to our home.  Her head bowed down and her arms wrapped tightly around her body.  My heart ached at the sight of her.  So broken.  So alone.  A rush of helplessness swept through my system seeing her like this. 

 

 

I had thought the worst of Bianca’s trials were behind us, but here they were again. Crushing her and bringing her back to all that pain and agony. Then she saw me and tried to smile, but even that seemed too much for her.  We walked towards one another, than I slowly took her into my arms, holding her head to my breast. Attempting to both comfort and keep her warm.

 

 

 

“How are you holding up, my darling?” I asked, feeling her fragile body shivering from the cold in my arms.

 

 

 

“I don’t know, Lena, I thought I had cried myself out, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to stop…..at least not until I hold her in my arms again.”

 

 

 

“I understand, my darling,” I said, trying to make it better. But the truth was I couldn’t even begin to image the pain she was in. Who could?  And how in God’s name could I hope to make it better.

 

 

 

“Lena, I have a confession to make,” she whispered, holding me tighter, I think, because she was afraid of what my response might be.

 

 

 

“Yes, baby, what is it?”

 

 

 

 “If I had been there, when Uncle Jack told me what had happened. I think I might…I might have done something really terrible to Babe and the others.  It almost scares me, Lena.  But what scares me even more, is how much I want to…”

 

 

 

She stopped herself before she said any more about what she wanted to do to Babe and the others. I didn’t want her feeling guilty about such thoughts.  She had every right to them and so much more.  But I also didn’t want the anger and pain to eat her up inside.

 

 

“I think anything you would have done to her she more then deserved, Bianca.  Don’t ever feel guilty about such things.  Thoughts alone aren’t a crime, my darling. What those people did to you. That was the crime, and if there is any kind of justice in this world or the next, they will pay.”

 

 

 

“Why?  Why did they do this to me, Lena?  Why?  First Michael and now this, is God punishing me?  Did I do something so horrible to deserve this?”she asked me.  Shaking and sobbing as I held her.

 

 

 

“No, sweetheart, no,” I said, making her look into my eyes.  “You’ve done nothing wrong.  Please know that, baby.  You’re the victim here, you and Miranda.  This is about selfish, greedy people, Bianca.  The type of people I have dealt with my entire life.”

 

 

 

 

“I don’t understand, Lena. I don’t understand any of it.  I no sooner survive the rape and I rebuild my life – my future around my baby, and she dies.   Then, somehow, I comeback from her death, ready to move on and build a future with you, and all the craziness with Maggie happens.  It never seems to end.  But I was better, wasn’t I, Lena.  I was getting stronger. Finally feeling happy,”

 

 

“Yes, yes you were, baby,”

 

 

“And now it starts all over again. Almost everyone I cared about or trusted lied to me, betrayed me and kept my baby away from me all this time. Six Months, Lena, six, long months of my baby’s life I can never get back.  Six months they made me think she was dead.  Made me think I was crazy when I thought Bess was mine.  Made me live with this pain I thought would kill me, and it would have, Lena, if it hadn’t been for you.  I swear to you, it would have,” Bianca said, falling to her knees on the cold, hard ground and continuing to beat her hand repeatedly against her chest, as if in some vain attempt to remove the pain these “friends” had perpetrated on her with all their lies and deceit.

 

 

I knelt down beside her to hold her, but I wasn’t sure she even knew I was there. I had no idea what to do to help her.  All I knew was I had to help her.  Later – later I would find some way to make each of them pay for what they had done to her and her baby.  Not death, because none of them deserved anything that quick.  But I had to block out my own hate and anger as much as I could, for her – for my beloved, and for our child, Miranda.  If I didn’t, I would be worthless to her now.

 

 

“Bianca, sweetie, please let me in.  Please try and tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

 

 

“I want…”

 

 

 

“What baby, what do you want?” I asked.  She looked into my eyes, brushing away the last remnants of her tears. Her face and body seemed to take on a sudden coldness.  A harshness I had never seen or felt from her before.  Her eyes were cold, dark pools looking through me, and the hate was radiating off of her like an overwhelming source of energy.  Before I could comprehend the change or say or do anything, her verbal assault began.

 

 

 

“I WANT TO HURT THEM, LENA!” she said with such rage and hate in her eyes, while grabbing on to me and my coat.  “I HATE THEM, HATE THEM, HATE THEM AND I WANT THEM TO PAY!!!!!!!!” she shouted.  “Help me, Lena, help me make them pay.  Help me make them hurt the way they’ve hurt me and my baby.  They have to pay, Lena. Someone has to pay. Please Lena, someone has to pay,” she said with emphasis and a sense of urgency attached to every word.

 

 

“They will, Bianca, I swear to you, in time they will.”

 

“How, Lena, you used to destroy entire corporations. How can we hurt them?” My heart was breaking as I listened to my lover’s pleas. With her hands clenched into fists, holding on to my coat, I pulled her close to me. Holding and rocking her, trying to find the words she needed to hear.

 

I loved this woman, hell I adored her, but I didn’t want to see her like this. Not my sweet Bianca.  Life was finally taking its toll on her, turning her into what I used to be, and I wasn’t about to stand by and let that happen.  Not Bianca, the purest most loving soul I had ever met.  I wouldn’t let these people destroy her love, her light that touched everyone who met her.

 

“Sweetheart, it won’t be up to us to punish them.”

 

“NO! Don’t say that, Lena, it has to be us.”

 

“Bianca, please listen to me.  Powers greater then you or I will see that they suffer for what they have done. You and I have Miranda to think about.  Miranda needs you, baby.  She needs her loving Mother to comfort and protect her.  To show her there is a wonderful world of love here in your heart, my sweet love. Not the world of hate and evil that has surrounded her for months now.  Don’t let their hate destroy your love, Bianca. Your baby needs you and that love.”

 

“Miranda, my baby,” she whispered, tears welling up behind those pained eyes.  She stared at me with such a look of desperation for answers, for some kind of hope.

 

“Yes, sweetie, Miranda, the rest will take care of itself.  She has to be our primary concern now,” I said, breathing a deep sigh of relief as I saw my love begin to return before me. The hate and anger seeming to dissipate as her thoughts turned to that of her sweet baby, instead of the people who had kept this precious child from her.  I wasn’t going to let them kill the love and good that existed in her heart.  If she could survive what Michael had done to her, I was damned if this would break her now.  Not when she was about to get back the most precious gift any woman could hope for.

 

“Oh God, Lena, I’m sorry.  I don’t know what came over me.”

 

“It’s ok, sweetie, just consider it a random Kane moment. I swear I saw more then a hint of Erica in your eyes there for a second,” I said with a smile. Hoping a little levity might help ease the tension.

 

She smacked my arm more then just a little for that remark, but then smiled and hugged me.  “Smart ass,”

 

“True, but you know you love my ass.”

 

“Yes,” she whispered into my neck.  “And all the rest of the Kundera package too.  What would I ever do with out you, Lena?  Your strength and your love,”

 

I was about to comment on her appreciation for my body when I saw a black limo pull up in front of the house.  The driver got out of the limo, ran and opened the back door.  Then the most wonderful sight in the entire world was facing me.  Jackson Montgomery stepping out of the limo and holding what had to be our baby, our Miranda.

 

“Bianca, look,” I said, the words almost failing to come out of my mouth. 

 

We both stood there looking at the approaching figures. To stunned to move, until Jack was standing before us and trying to hand Miranda to her Mother.

 

“Sorry I’m late, but I got here as fast as I could,” he said with that boyish grin of his.  “I would have called, but I thought it would be easier if you didn’t know when we would arrive.  Counting the hours and all till we got here, I thought would just make you two crazy.”

 

Bianca reached out and took Miranda in her arms, saying nothing to Jackson.  I don’t think she heard a word he said once she saw her daughter. Not that it really mattered.  I shook my head at his logic, but smiled and mouthed a “thank you” to him as we both watched Mother and child get to know one another again.

 

I put my arm around Bianca, leading her and the baby back to the house with Jackson close behind.  It was a moment none of us would ever forget.  And my shocked, but thrilled Mother wouldn’t either, once we descended on her in her room. Bianca sat on the edge of Mama’s bed with her baby in her arms.

 

“Mama, this is Miranda. My – our daughter,” she said, turning to look at me and to let me know this was our baby, our wonderful miracle child.  “Would you like to hold her, Mama?”

 

Mama started to cry and nodded her head yes, holding out her arms to take the sleeping Miranda.  Bianca reached out for me to join them, taking my hand and kissing it. She told me she loved me as I ran my other hand over our baby girl’s soft curls.  My fingers brushing over her cheek so soft, like nothing I had ever experienced in my life.  I thought my heart was going to stop.  I thought I knew what love was. What real happiness was, but this sweet child touched something in me that I didn’t even know existed until that moment.  Something I didn’t know was missing until then.  Suddenly I was a Mother, her Mother and nothing would ever be the same.

 

As Mama held her, Miranda began to wake.  She stretched her little arms and legs and made amazing little grunting noises.  She touched Mama’s face, smiling that same smile Bianca makes when she is content.  We all laughed and watched her every move with total wonder. Then she turned her little head and looked right at me, smiled again and started to reach for me. Her huge brown eyes immobilized me. I wasn’t sure I was even breathing any more.

 

“It’s ok, Lena, you can hold her. She won’t brake,” Bianca said, laughing at my sudden fear of this tiny person who had already stolen my heart so completely.

 

“Are you sure?  I don’t want to hurt her,” I said. After all what did I know about holding babies? 

 

“I’m sure, Lena.  She wants you to hold her.”

 

So I took a deep breath and reached for our daughter. “Come to Mama, sweet baby,” I said before I realized what had come out of my mouth. Both Bianca and Mama smiled as they watched me reach for our little girl.  I took our sweet child and held her close to me, cradling her tiny head with my one hand and her tiny body with the other.  Bianca rose from the bed, hugging Miranda and I. Kissing both of us as she held us.

 

“Are you ok, Lena?” Bianca asked.

 

“I’ve never been better, sweetheart.  How about you, my love?”

 

“Happy beyond words, Lena, so happy beyond words,”

 

Bianca wasn’t the only one. We all were.  And it was only the beginning.

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

Stephanie  aka The Diva

 

 

 

Feed Back:  Please my darlings, yes.

 

Thank you all as always for your kind and moving words, encouraging me to come back with more of this story and these wonderful people.  I’m not sure I will be able to have another update for you before Christmas so just in case I want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy Hanukah to our Jewish friends. Bless you and to my Muse. What can I say but thank you for your endless inspiration and love.  As always this is for you, my sweet love and all your wonderful fans of MDL and Olga.  Now everyone sit back, read and enjoy.

 

 

Chapter 23  Preparations ARGH!!!! (Rated PG-13)

 

 

After our unexpected and wonderful reunion with Miranda, it suddenly occurred to Bianca and me, that we had nothing for Miranda. We had both been so busy agonizing over when she would arrive, the details of the events that had kept her from us and of course continuing to care for Mama, that we had forgotten to go shopping for food or anything for the poor little thing. Jackson offered to go out and get what we needed, but I reminded him he wasn’t in the US. He would need my help and then some if there was any hope of getting what we needed and soon. He did, however, have a few of the basics in a bag in the limo, and went to retrieve them.  He returned with what he called his “Miranda bag” full of diapers, bottles, formula, pacifiers and even a small stuffed lamb Jackson said our little princess was very partial to.

 

 

Bianca handed Miranda back to me, asking me to bring her and follow her to the kitchen.  I did as asked, while Bianca grabbed the bag, dumped the contents onto the kitchen table and began to fix some formula for our soon to be hungry baby.  I asked her if she knew what she was doing?  She smiled and assured me she was more then capable of reading directions and how hard could it be.  Then I remembered Bianca had taken care of Bess/Miranda when she had stolen her away to her Mother’s penthouse apartment and then again at Babe and JR’s home, before she had joined me here.  My sweet girl was in Mother Mode and it was a beautiful sight to see. She actually ended up using and heating up some milk we had instead of the formula. Insisting it would be better for Miranda.  Since I had no experience in such matters, I deferred to her, sitting and playing with our baby in my arms. Miranda seemed fascinated with my dimples, poking and playing with them with her tiny fingers, giggling all the while.  This appeared to amuse Bianca to no end.

 

 

 

“See, I am not the only Montgomery who is obsessed with those delicious dimples of yours, my love,” she said, laughing at me and our child.  I didn’t bother to argue or deny that my two favorite girls did seem to suffer from the same passion for my dimples.  I smiled and silently rejoiced in the knowledge that it seemed I might be able to make Bianca’s child….our child as happy as I did her Mother. At least I prayed I could.  Bianca was finally done and ready to feed Miranda.  So I reluctantly handed our princess back to her Mother, followed both of them back to Mama’s room and helped them settle in for a good, long feeding.

 

 

 

 

I nodded towards Jackson, who rose from his place by my Mother’s side and announced to all that he and I needed to get going before it got any later.   So I kissed all of my girls’ goodbye and headed out with Jackson to the limo, for emergency shopping for our new arrival.

 

 

Once in the limo, I realized I didn’t really have a clue where the baby shops might be. I excused myself and told Jackson I would return in a few minutes.  The poor man stared at me, not knowing what I was up to and decided it was best to remain seated and relax until my return.

 

 

I ran to one of my neighbor’s houses; Margaret was her name. Fortunately for me, she had three small children, and I was sure she could help me out with the where and how to find all I needed for Miranda.  I didn’t want to waste time driving around searching for the stores and goods we needed.  So I headed for the nearest expert in these parts to gather all the info I could. I knocked on her door and when the door opened I was greeted by Margaret holding her youngest in one arm, the three year old on her left and the 2 year old on her right.  The baby was crying and Margaret looked like she wanted to join her.

 

 

 

“Lena is something wrong?” she asked, trying hopelessly to tilt her head to get a few stray hairs out of her eyes.  I smiled and assured her all was fine. 

 

 

 

“Do you want to come in?  The place is a disaster, but you are more then welcome,” she said with what looked like pleading eyes.

 

 

 

Something told me she was on her last nerve and in desperate need of adult interaction, but I didn’t have the time to really help her out. I was suddenly feeling very guilty about bothering her, but she insisted I come in, so I did; leaving my jacket on the table by the front door.

 

 

 

The two older children stood in front of me now, as I sat on the sofa, staring very intently. The little boy was picking his nose and his older sister pulled nervously at the hem of her little dress.  Their faces and clothing were covered in what looked like spaghetti sauce, as was the baby. I found it interesting that a 9 month out child would eat spaghetti, but I guessed these were some of the things I was going to learn in time.  Right now I was thanking the good Lord Bianca and I had only one child.  This was looking like a lot more work then I had realized.

 

 

The two older children perched their little bodies on either side of me now.  Continuing to stare and study me as if I were the daily science project.  The little boy was reaching out to touch me when Margaret yelled, “NO!  You two behave and keep your hands to yourselves. Lena doesn’t need her nice clothes ruined by you two.” The brother and sister now sat with their heads hung low. I felt awful to have been the cause of their punishment.

 

 

“It’s alright, really.  That is what drycleaners are for,” I joked, but no one joined in on the joke.  “Anyway, Margaret, the reason I dropped by, was to ask you where I can find certain shops I need.  Bianca and I have a new baby girl….well actually she is 6 months old and I have no idea where to find what we need for her and we need everything.”

 

 

“I don’t understand.  How did you…”

 

 

 

“Oh, silly me,” I said, realizing she must think I am crazy or worse B and I had kidnapped some poor unsuspecting child. 

 

 

 

“It’s Miranda, Bianca’s baby I told you about. The one we thought had died.  Well it is a long story that I won’t bore you with now. But she is alive and Bianca’s Uncle Jack just arrived with her and we realized we have nothing to take care of her.  Can you help me?”

 

 

 

“Yes, of course, but you have to promise to tell me all about this, when you have more time.  It sounds most intriguing. And believe me, nothing in my life comes close to that,” she said, as she continued to struggle to hold her baby who was crying and flailing in her arms now like a mini drama queen.  As the baby continued to cry, her brother and sister, forgetting their Mother’s earlier threat, each grabbed an arm and buried their heads between my arms and chest, in a desperate attempt to dull the sound.

 

 

“Oh, Lena, I’m so sorry,” Margaret said.  “Children look what you have done to poor Lena.  Come over here, Now!!” The two frightened urchins ran to their Mother’s side and seemingly waited for their punishment.  I rose from the sofa and pleaded with her to let it go. It wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought.

 

 

“Fine, Lena, if you say so. But if I am going to help you, you are going to have to follow me and these three impossible children to the bathroom. I need to change the baby and put all of them into the tub before they begin to do any more damage then they already have.”

 

 

 

So I followed this interesting family, making mental notes to have a very serious chat with Bianca, as soon as possible, about that promise I had made of a house full of children. That it may not have been the most sensible thing I had ever said. And perhaps we might want to rethink that idea. But for now, I was getting the info I needed from my neighbor, who I was gaining more and more respect for as the minutes ticked by.  Watching her juggling three screaming, laughing and very active children in one tub with water covering her, them, the walls and floor.  A sight I was not soon going to forget. Let alone the noise level that went with this picture.

 

 

 

I thanked Margaret profusely for all her help, excusing myself, grabbed my jacket and sprinted out of their house for the limo.  Once inside, I took several much needed calming breaths as Jackson watched me with confusion in his eyes.  As I continued to compose myself, Jack carefully touched one of the newly stained spots on my silk blouse and asked, “What happened to you, Lena?”

 

 

 

“Children,” I replied, between breaths.  “Lots of children,”

 

 

 

He smiled and shook his head. “Welcome to the real world, Lena.  This is only the beginning.”

 

 

 

I half heartedly smiled then glared at him while I quickly put my jacket on to cover the aforesaid stains.

 

 

 

“You might want to think about getting some new “child proof clothing” while we are out today. Trust me, if you don’t, this won’t be the first or last casualty of your very fashionable wardrobe,” he said, with an evil gleam in his eyes.  I had no idea how true those words would prove to be in the coming days.  But I had only one thing on my mind now. Getting everything Miranda needed. And my focus was only on that. Stupid me, I would learn later just how wise a man Jackson was.

 

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

Paulina, Miranda and Baby B and I were having the best time in our lives, while Lena and Jackson shopped.  I wished my Lena was with us, but I knew she had to take care of what our daughter needed.  I felt just a little cheated, not being able to be with her to choose some of the items Miranda would use. But this wasn’t your normal baby homecoming and I couldn’t allow such silly thoughts to bother me. My baby, my sweet, precious, little girl was finally home where she belonged, in my arms and with her Mama and Grand Mother as well. What more could I ask for? And Uncle Jack was here too, it was wonderful having my “other” Father bring my baby to me.

 

 

 

“What are you thinking about, baby girl?” Paulina asked of her new daughter.

 

 

 

 

“How lucky I am.  How blessed I am to have Miranda, you and our wonderful Lena finally all together again. I never thought it would happen.”

 

 

 

Paulina reached out touching Bianca’s arm.  “I know, sweetie, but you see miracles do happen.  Just like meeting that wonderful little girl, Erika, the other day. She was a little gift from God when we all needed it and now you have your own little angel back in your arms again.”

 

 

 

“Yes, yes I do. My precious little angel,” I said, rubbing Miranda’s tummy while she slept between Mama and me.  We had fed and changed her, played with her, took turns holding and kissing her till the poor little thing passed out from all the excitement and attention. 

 

 

 

Then there was Baby B. Much to my surprise, Baby B hadn’t acted or appeared to feel threatened by Miranda at all. Instead she sat looking at her as she did Mama, with love and just a hint of protectiveness.  As Mama and I enjoyed this moment of silence, Baby B moved from Mama’s lap and began to nuzzle Miranda’s little cheek with her own.  Then she curled up beside my sweet baby girl and rested her little furry head on Miranda’s tummy. Miranda, though still sound asleep, moved her little arm and rested it on top of B, her tiny fingers playing with the cats fur even in her sleep. 

 

 

 

“Oh my, look at that, Bianca.  They are too cute for words.”

 

 

 

They really were, and for the first time since I had arrived in Poland, I felt a closeness and love for this strange little cat.  I would never understand her aversion to me, but clearly she loved and would protect, in her own small way, all three of the most important people in my life.  And for that, I could forgive and over look her jealousy of me.

 

 

 

Watching B and Miranda sleep, made Mama and me begin to feel sleepy as well.  So I helped Paulina snuggle down a little more for a nap, before I returned to Miranda’s side and curled up holding her, brushing my fingertips through her soft, baby hair before I drifted off to sleep as well.  Content in the knowledge I would never lose her or Lena ever again.

 

 

------------------------------------

 

 

What is that American expression? “Shop until you drop.”  Well today was the first time in my life I knew what it meant and what it felt like. Jackson had actually stopped me from getting some of the bigger items, like the playpen and baby bed just to name a few. Reminding me we had more time for that, and he was certain Bianca would like to be a part of those decisions.  I knew what he meant. So much had been taken from Bianca already.  Miranda was still small enough, she wouldn’t care if she had to wait a little while longer, until her Mother and I had time to shop together for some of her things.  But it still took hours and endless conversations with store clerks to find the right clothes, food, diapers, soap, shampoo; things I never even knew existed for babies.  Jackson was a huge help as were the sales clerks.  Every time I thought we were done, someone would ask, “do you have this, or that?” and I would just shake my head no and ask if I needed “that.”  And of course the answer was always yes to everything. I could see having a child was going to be an education for me as well. But what a glorious thing it was.

 

 

 

My favorite part of the shopping had been the clothes and shoes. The tiny little outfits, everything you could imagine and more. Granted I had experienced that just a little before Bianca’s baby shower. But this was different.  Miranda was real now and she was “our” little girl.  Not just Bianca’s. Back then, I wasn’t sure Bianca and I would ever get back together. My how time had changed everything and everyone, and some not for the better. No, I wasn’t going to go there. Not today and not anytime soon.  “Those people” and what they had done wouldn’t take away from this wonderful day.

 

 

 

Jackson, the chauffeur and I loaded everything into the Limo with the help of many a sales clerk, until we couldn’t get anymore into the car.  We got back in the car and Jackson put his arm around me, telling me to rest until we got home.  It made me feel like a little girl again.  Not an easy thing to do for a woman my age, but I had to admit it felt good to rest and I enjoyed the feelings of love and acceptance Jack’s gesture showed towards me.  With the exception of my Mother and Bianca, it had been a long time since I had let my guard down like this to a man or anyone, let alone a member of Bianca’s clan.   So much bad blood had been there from my earlier dealings with Michael.  But I had to admit, Jack had always given me more chances and help then anyone during those trying times.  I guess it was time I let the man know I trusted him as well, and that he had been right to trust me with his Bianca.

 

 

We road back home in silence, with me falling asleep on the ride back and drooling on Jack’s shoulder. Or so he told me, pointing to the spot with great pleasure and a boyish grin. I blushed at first and then joined him in the humor of the moment. With our arms full with the first load of goods, we both entered the house laughing.  But our laughter stopped when we found Bianca, Mama, Miranda and Baby B all asleep on Mama’s bed.  We backed out of the room in silence, trying not to trip over each other and the poor chauffeur who had followed us in as well.

 

 

Whispering and still laughing a little, as our arms began to drop some of the packages while we made our way back to the living room.  I finally gave up and threw my exhausted body down on the sofa; trying to stack the packages I had brought in on the floor, and directing the men to where I wanted them to put the rest.  They left me to get the remaining goods, making several trips to and from the limo.  On their third trip to the car, a very sleepy Bianca entered the room, rubbing her eyes and looking just a little cranky from her nap. 

 

 

I rose from my resting place on the sofa and took my sweet girl into my arms.

 

 

“What took you so long?” Bianca whined, resting her still sleepy head on my shoulder, leading her back to the sofa so we might rest together.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you have no idea how much one has to buy for a baby,” I said, holding her in my arms as she snuggled against me, her feet and legs underneath her.

 

 

 

“Well, you’re home now. Mama, Miranda and I missed you.  Next time I want you to take Miranda and me with you.  I don’t like being away from you for so long.”

 

 

 

“I know, my love.  I don’t like it either, but you know we had to do it this way for today. But we have a stroller now, so you and our little girl can join me for the next shopping spree. How does that sound?”

 

 

 

“But I thought you got everything today?”

 

 

 

“No, baby, I left the big items till you could come with me.  I wanted you to be a part of that. Just like a real couple.”

 

 

 

Bianca sat up with a huge smile on her face.  “Really, we are going shopping together?”

 

 

 

“Of course, baby, I know how much you love to shop; besides this is important to you…to us.  Something we should share.  For now Miranda can sleep in our bed with us.  Tomorrow or the next day, we will go together and pick out her bed and some of the other items I didn’t get today.”

 

 

 

“Thank you, Lena, but do you think she could sleep in our bed for more then two days.  Not forever…it’s just…”

 

 

 

“I know, Bianca, she’s been gone for so long.  Of course she can sleep with us, for now.  I want that too.  But eventually she has to sleep in her own bed.  Or Mama Lena is going to get awful cranky,” I said with a pout and ended with an evil grin.

 

 

Bianca punched my shoulder and muttered something about me being terrible and horny.  I concurred, just before she said, “You aren’t the only one who will be cranky.” grabbing my hand, leading me back to Mama’s room so we could check on Miranda.

 

 

 

Jackson finally joined us once after the last of the baby loot was taken to the living room.  He also told me he had taken the items I bought as a thank you for Margaret and her kids and delivered them himself, thanking her for all her assistance.  He kissed all of us goodnight and was heading back to the hotel, he said.  He would return in the morning to join us for breakfast and see what else he could do to help us tomorrow.

 

 

 

Just as Jackson left, Mama woke, needing her medication.  I could tell from her eyes she was in pain.  It was getting worse each day, but she never said a word about it.  We all needed to eat, so I had Bianca help Mama with her pills while I went to the kitchen to prepare some food for all of us.  Bianca then joined me, with a barely awake Miranda attached to her hip, both Mother and daughter still rubbing their sleepy eyes.  It was then I realized just how much our sweet girl looked like her Mother.  Those soulful eyes, the pouty lips, the same sweet smile they were both flashing me now as I smiled looking at them and thanking God for bringing them both back into my life and to each other.  If it weren’t for poor Mama, I would have been convinced life couldn’t get any better then it was this very moment.

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

Stephanie  aka  The Diva

 

 

 

Feed back: Please pretty please!!

 

 

Previews for the next chapter:  In the next installment, Bianca, Lena, and little Miranda will go to the country to find little Erika and her family again and introduce them to Miranda.  Paulina’s health will begin to worsen so Jackson will stay behind and take care of her while the girls go to the country.

 

 

 

 I know it has been ages and I am so sorry for the long wait.  Writing has just not been where my head was for weeks now.  But that has changed and I am back.  This is short, but I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did writing it.  Thank you all for hanging in, now on with MDL.

 

 

Chapter 24  Miranda, B and me.  (Rated PG-13)

 

 

What a night, our first night with Miranda proved to be.  Let me just say, I love Miranda and Bianca with every fiber of my being, but a seven month old baby in one’s bed was proving to be more of a challenge then I ever imagined.  And not for the reasons you might suspect.  It wasn’t because she woke up every hour on the hour wanting to be fed or changed. Or the fact I was craving “time” with my woman, if you know what I mean. No, I knew I could survive a few days of Bianca withdrawal and as for Miranda waking up throughout the night. She only woke up once around 3:00 A.M. needing fed and changed.   

 

 

Our angel was like her Mother and slept quite soundly through the night.  In fact they both did.  Bianca with her hand protectively draped across Miranda’s stomach and the two of them snoring softly as they slumbered.  Well that was how each initial sleep pattern began, but it didn’t last….for me.

 

 

I lay on my side watching my two loves sleeping peacefully, their breathing almost in perfect unison.  I smiled and thanked God for bringing us all back together and began to drift off to sleep as well, with my fingers laced with Bianca’s now, as I felt Miranda’s every breath beneath them.

 

 

Then it happened.  I was sound asleep, lying on my other side now, with my back turned to Bianca and our sweet baby.  Dreaming of the three of us enjoying a warm summer day together, when BANG!  Miranda had shifted in her sleep and was now positioned length wise across the bed, her little legs like mighty pistons pushing against my back and for lack of a better word desperately trying to shove or kick me out of our bed.  This was all being done in her sleep, mind you.  I leapt out of the bed, more out of shock then anything.  Stared at the little intruder and was amazed at how such a little thing could take over the lion’s share of a queen sized bed.  Her arms and legs spread out in every direction possible and her head resting against Bianca’s side.  With my arms folded over my chest, I stood there wondering what I should do.  I certainly wasn’t about to give up my place in “our” bed, but I didn’t want to risk hurting Miranda either by trying to “fit” with she and Bianca in this new position. Finally I decided to risk waking her and slowly repositioned our little princess back to a normal head-to-toe position in our bed.  She fussed and grunted a little while I moved her, but like her Mother neither of them woke. 

 

 

Once I was sure Miranda was really settled, I kissed her little forehead and drifted off to sleep again, but not for long.  Before I knew it, my precious daughter’s tiny little fist came in contact with the bridge of my nose. The suddenness of the pain was enough to make my eyes water.  Something told me not to cry out and then I remember why.  The baby; good Lord don’t wake the baby.  “Don’t wake the baby!” I could hear my brain yelling inside of my head.  What about me. But then I regained my composure and laughed silently at the absurdity of this situation. It wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be, and how could I ever be mad at this precious little girl who seemed to have a pension for keeping her “other Mother” awake all night.  Having Miranda back was just new and besides I hadn’t exactly been around a lot of children in my life.  This would just take some getting used to. I kept telling my bruised and battered self, as I smiled and looked at my tiny adversary.  I took a few deep breaths and rolled over on to my other side and attempted to go back to sleep for a third time.

 

 

My next wake up call was the diaper and feeding cry, but at least this time Bianca woke up too.  I heated up the milk while Bianca changed Miranda’s diaper.  When I came back into our room, Bianca was holding Miranda and the two were staring in to each others eyes with such sweet smiles on their faces.  It just made my heart soar.  Carrying the bottle of milk, I approached the bed and kissed both of my beautiful girls on their foreheads.

 

 

 

“Can I feed her?” I asked, hoping to enjoy a few moments of bonding with my daughter.  B handed her to me and I began to cradle our sweet little girl in my arms. Miranda grabbed hold of the bottle with both of her strong little hands and nursed while never taking her eyes off of my face.  “I think she is pretty crazy for her Polish Mama,” Bianca said, with a huge smile.  I smiled back, hoping it was true that our little girl could come to love me as much as I knew I already loved her.

 

 

 

“By the way, what happened to your nose?” Bianca asked, looking at me, as if I now had two heads.  “You didn’t have that bruise when we went to bed.”

 

 

 

“Our sweet angel happened to my nose,” I answered, rubbing the injury and shaking my head at the memory of the proceeding hours.

 

 

 

“She what?” Bianca asked, with confusion and concern.

 

 

 

“It’s nothing, sweetheart.  Miranda seems to have a territory problem with me in our bed is all, but I will survive.”

 

 

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

 

 

“Well, if you and your daughter didn’t sleep like the dead, you would know she has tried several times to kick me out of our bed, since we all went to sleep.  I got “this” little gift, when her tiny fist came in contact with my nose.”

 

 

 

“You’re not serious?  My sweet baby did that to you?”

 

 

 

“Yes, my darling, your sweet baby has the arms and legs of a professional boxer,” I said, with an evil grin.

 

 

 

“That’s just crazy, Lena.”

 

 

 

“Fine, don’t believe me.  But to prove my point, you sleep on my side of the bed the rest of the night and let’s see what happens to you,” I said laughing. But B didn’t seem amused.

 

 

 

“Fine, I never heard such nonsense.  A little baby, really Lena, are you sure you didn’t just dream all of this?” Bianca asked. Her arms folded over her chest.

 

 

 

“I think this bruise speaks for itself,” I said, handing Miranda back to Bianca, now that she had finished her bottle. “Baby, don’t get upset with me, I’m just telling you what happened. It’s not a big deal.”

 

 

 

“Well, we’ll see,” Bianca turned and put Miranda down in the center of our bed, then walked over to my side and crawled under the covers with our little Muhammad Ali wanna be.

 

 

 

I smiled to myself and went to use the bathroom, before I got back into bed for round 3 of the evenings sporting activities.  Once I came out of the bathroom, Bianca and Miranda were fast asleep again.  How I envied the ease these two found in sleep. I had been a restless, light sleeper for years, out of need and survival.  Those days were behind me now, but it is difficult to change a lifetime of conditioning.

 

 

 

I crawled into bed, brushed a few stray hairs off of Miranda and B’s beautiful, peaceful faces, yawned a few times and tried to drift off to sleep. Just as I was between that awake and sleep mode, I felt something heavy resting against my stomach and then I heard “What the……..” and a loud thud as something hit the floor. My eyes flew open.  I tried to remember where I was and then I heard Bianca whimpering.  “Owwww....”

 

 

 

I tried to sit up, but Miranda was sprawled out across the bed again and her head was on my stomach. Her little pouty lips wrapped around her tiny thumb.  The adorable look she was sporting made me forget about Bianca for a second or two. Then I saw Bianca rise from the floor, holding her elbow and pain etched into her beautiful face.  I couldn’t help it, ok I didn’t really try.  I just started to laugh at the sad, pathetic look on my darling’s face.

 

 

 

“Gee, thanks Lena for all the sympathy,” Bianca said, with her classic pout.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, sweetie, but I tried to warn you.”  Bianca started to laugh too, in spite of her pain.  We both looked at the source of our amusement, little Miranda.  Whose legs and arms covered the better part of the bed and was oblivious to us and our needs for rest or sleep. Bianca finally sat down and began to stroke Miranda’s tummy as I ran my finger tips over her baby soft hair.

 

 

 

“So, are we going shopping for her bed today?” Bianca asked, with a little smirk.

 

 

 

“I thought you wanted to have her sleep with us for a few days,” I said, knowing full well, that little fantasy had come to an end when B went flying out of our bed a few moments ago.

 

 

 

“Yes, well, I’m thinking that may not have been one of my better ideas.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her,” Bianca said, suddenly thinking I thought this made her a bad Mother.

 

 

 

“Sweetie, I know you love her and so does she.  This baby raising situation is new to both of us -- look, I have a great idea,” I said reaching out for her and enjoying her twin pout that she shared with our daughter at the moment.  We both moved Miranda just enough so B could snuggle next to me and the baby could rest between us. I was suddenly lost in the warmth of their two bodies next to mine that I forgot what I was saying.

 

 

“What is the great idea, Lena?”

 

 

“What…oh yeah -- well since Mama has been through all this before, I think you and I need to speak with her in the morning and get some input on what else we can expect with raising Miranda.  Clearly raising a child isn’t quite the “blissful” notion I think you and I had in our heads.  I think we need some practical, common sense insight into all this.”

 

 

 

“But, you make it sound like raising Miranda is more of a business transaction.  What about the love?”

 

 

 

“Bianca, it is all about the love, but you have to admit neither of us knows anything about raising a child.  I just think learning how to be a better Mother from a real Mom will be the best thing for our baby. Don’t you?”

 

 

Bianca looked up at me and smiled, shaking her head yes. Just then the three of us yawned a huge yawn and snuggled a little closer, as we allowed sleep to come over us one more time. This time lasting until it was time to rise and start another day.

 

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

Stephanie  aka  The Diva

 

 

 

Feed back: Please pretty please!!

 

 

We have entered the final phase of this story and Paulina’s health is going to begin to deteriorate fairly quickly now and I have been dreading having to write this section, but I won’t put it off any longer.  As many of you know my life has been full of so much happiness since the beginning of the new year, it made it difficult to proceed with a story that is going to have parts of it that deal with the death and dying of Lena’s Mother.  Plus having lived through this myself, many years ago, it brings it home for me too.  But I wanted to do this and I have found my focus again and I will do the best job I can to honor Lena and her loved ones with a true and loving, and yes sometimes painful end to her Mother’s life.  And how each of them will deal with it all in their own way.  The up side is Miranda is here now as well, and her presence will bring joy and happiness to all in the midst of the suffering.  Therefore, MDL will have both sadness and happiness mixed in till the end as you would find in real life.  Now on with our story.

 

Chapter 25A   I thought it was safe (Rated R)

 

The rest of the night had proven to be uneventful, with Miranda in our bed.  I rose before the two of them to check on Mama, as was my habit every day.  But before I entered Mama’s room, I went to start the coffee.  Coffee was my life’s blood in the morning, and the daily habit of fixing it upon waking was more of an autopilot thing then a conscious thought. As I stood in the kitchen putting just the right amount of coffee into the machine, I thought I heard sounds coming from Mama’s room, sounds that both frightened and concerned me.  I could have sworn I heard moaning coming from there.   I left the coffee to tend for itself and rushed to Mama.  Not knowing what to expect when I opened the door.

 

I stood transfixed, holding the door knob, hearing the moans and what also sounded like muffled sobs coming from inside.  I opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle her.  As I peaked into her room, I saw her small frame huddled in a fetal pose.  The muffled moans and sobs shooting through my heart, cutting deeper as I got closer to the bed.  Her eyes tightly closed, tears running down her cheeks and her one hand covering her mouth.  Her body was shivering and almost cold to the touch, but I couldn’t tell if she were asleep, having a bad dream or in real pain.

 

I crouched down, kneeling beside the bed, my one hand on her shoulder and my other gently caressing her hair hoping she would feel me and not be frightened.

 

“Mama, it’s Lena,” I whispered, stroking her hair and waiting for her to open her eyes.  Those eyes always told me what I needed to know.  She could lie and tell me it was alright, but her eyes never lied.

 

“Mama, where does it hurt?”

 

She finally opened her eyes, slowly at first, and then tried to feign a smile for me, but I wasn’t buying it.  “Morning,” she said, like all was right with the world.  “Who are you trying to fool, old woman,” I asked, with a half grin.  It was a little game we had played for months now.  On the days that were less then good and she was trying to make me think they weren’t.

 

“Oh Lena, the way you talk to your Mother.  What would people think?” she said, slowly rolling on to her back and wiping away her tears in some feeble attempt for me not to see them.

 

“What they have always thought, Mama, I am a thankless child.” I answered, smiling and fussing over her.

 

“Nonsense!  I would defy anyone to say that to my face, my darling girl.”

 

“OK, so tell your darling girl why you were crying, just how bad the pain is and where it hurts?  Mama, please…do I need to take you to the hospital?”

 

“Don’t be silly, it was only a bad dream.  I’m fine,” she finally said, trying hopelessly to pull herself up in the bed.  I stood up, fluffed her pillows and tried to make her more comfortable. What I really wanted to do was shake her and make her tell me what was wrong.  But that wasn’t “our” way of dealing with things.

 

I knew there was no sense in pursuing the subject of what was or wasn’t wrong with her.  She would tell me when she was ready.  I tucked her in and told her I would be right back with her water, to take all her medications and then I would prepare her breakfast.  As I went to leave, to get the water, she called out to me, “just some toast, sweetie, my stomach isn’t up for more today.”

 

“But, Mama, you need…” she interrupted me with a wave of her hand and a smile.  It was going to be a long day, and clearly the trip to the stores to buy the rest of Miranda’s things was going to have to wait.  I knew Bianca would be disappointed, but I knew she would understand.  She knew as well as I did, Mama was getting weaker every day.  Weaker…a polite term for dying, but we never spoke of it.  After all, what was there to say? 

 

I meandered back to the kitchen, deep in thought, when I suddenly beheld the wonderful sight of my sweet Bianca and our precious baby girl.  They were sitting at the table, Miranda on B’s lap facing one another, the two of them with adorable bed head and Binx’s humming a sweet tune for our girl.  She was bouncing Miranda on her lap as she hummed for her, our baby giggled and cooed, enjoying their first morning together as Mother and Daughter. 

 

Mother and Daughter - I felt a lump in my throat and if I wasn’t careful I was going to start to cry.  Thank God I had spent years being such a hard-ass.  I don’t think I could have dealt with the plethora of emotions I was going through right now if I hadn’t learned how to shut my feelings down for all those years.  I never knew life could be so complex, when you added love into the mix.  I was terrified of losing Mama and watching her suffer before my eyes.  And then there was my “new family” Bianca and Miranda, bringing so much joy into my world at the same time.  It almost made me long for the days when I was in control.  I only used people and never let them in.  I certainly never let them touch my heart…well, with the exception of Mama.  She had always had my heart. 

 

I shook off these feelings, took several deep breaths and joined my little family at the table.  Bianca handed me a cup of coffee, knowing I would return any minute from Mama’s room and be in desperate need for my caffeine.

 

“Thank you, sweetie.  You know me so well,” I said, smiling.  Trying to hide my feelings, but I should have known better.  Bianca is the one person, even more so than Mama, who can read me and call me on all my shit.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

 

“Nothing,”

 

 

“Leenah!!” she said, stressing every vowel in my name till it hurt.

 

 

“Fine, it’s Mama.  But she won’t tell me what the problem is.”

 

“What makes you think something is wrong?”

 

“Gee, Bianca, I don’t know.  Maybe it was the sobbing and the moaning I saw and heard when I checked on her this morning.

 

“Shhh, Lena, the baby,” Bianca whispered, holding our baby tightly to her breast.  “Plus, Mama will hear you,” she scolded.

 

“Well, good, then maybe she will tell me what is wrong so I can help her.  God, I’m sorry, baby, it is just so frustrating.”

 

 

“I know, sweetheart, but you aren’t alone.  We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

 

“Yes, together,” I answered under my breath.  I put my coffee down and moved to the counter to begin Mama’s toast and pour her water into a glass and Carafe we kept by her bed for later. 

 

I kept my back turned towards Bianca.  I didn’t want to see her disappointment when I told her we couldn’t go shopping today.

 

“Bianca…about the shopping…”

 

“I know, Lena, don’t’ worry about it. We can survive a few more nights with little “Ali” here, if we have to,” she said, tossing a wadded up napkin at my back.  I turned and saw her and the baby grinning at me.  Almost as if little Miranda or “Ali” as she was now nicknamed after last evening, were plotting even more fun for me later tonight.

 

With my hands on my hips, I stood proudly and said, “Or I could sleep on the sofa and leave the nightly “boxing” activities to you and your daughter.  What do you think of that, Binx’s?”

 

“I think you better rethink that idea real fast, my beloved, or you will be sleeping on that sofa for a lot longer then you think,” she answered with a raised eyebrow and a look I never wanted to see again.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” 

 

I placed the toast, glass and Carafe on the tray and gave both my girls a quick kiss as I hurried back to Mama, before I found myself in any more trouble.  “Chicks,” I muttered to myself, as I entered Mama’s room.

 

“I heard that,” Bianca yelled from the kitchen.

 

“Shit!”

 

“Lena, language!!”

 

“Yes, Mama. Sorry.” That damn Kane hearing would always do me in.

 

As I put the tray down on Mama’s lap, I then went to get her all her pills from the bathroom and entered the times and dosages in to the log.  She was taking so many meds now, I had to keep track of what and when for her own safety.

 

“Uncle Jack!”  I heard Bianca shout from the other room.  Mama smiled and I swear she started to primp.

 

“Mama, what are you doing?”

 

“What do you mean, Lena? I’m not doing anything,” she said, all the time looking like a school girl with a crush.

 

“OMG! You have a crush on Jackson!” I said, almost choking on the words, because of the laughter I was trying so hard to keep inside.

 

 

“Who has a crush on Uncle Jack?” Bianca asked, carrying Miranda in one arm and holding Jack by the other.

 

“NO ONE!” we both answered a little too loudly and then burst in to laughter.

 

Jackson just smiled and puffed out his chest like a peacock surrounded by a swarm of hungry female peacocks.  My only thought now was, thank GOD Erica Kane wasn’t here. She would be flipping her hair for days and made all kinds of noise as to who Jackson belonged to.  Bianca seemed to be able to read my mind, as usual, and burst into laughter as well.

 

We visited with Mama as she “played” with her breakfast, more then she ate it.  Trying to hide a wince of pain here and there in her face as we played with Miranda and handed her from person to person to hold.  Mimo was in her Grandmother’s arms now, cooing and nestling into her arms and body, as if she were getting ready for a long winters nap. Mama was looking pretty tired too, but begged us not to move Miranda, at least not until we were ready to leave for our shopping.

 

“We’re not going shopping, Mama.  Not today.”

 

“Yes you are and you will take this little one with you and have a grand time. But for now she is mine.”

 

“But,” both Bianca and I objected.

 

“No buts, Jackson will keep me company and you three will enjoy this sunny fall day. End of discussion.”

 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Jack said, “Go spend some “couples” time. You aren’t going to have many of these moments from now on, so enjoy them while I am here.” he continued, ushering us out for now, while he and Mama visited and Miranda took a little nap in her Nana’s arms. 

 

He had a point and I for one agreed, grabbing Bianca’s hand and taking her back to our room for some heavy petting, until our little girl woke up.

 

TBC  

 

Preview: The next part of this chapter will cover the time Bianca, Lena and Miranda spend together shopping and in the park afterwards, enjoying their new family life.  But things for Paulina and Jackson take a scary turn while the girls are gone. Stay tuned for more next weekend…or maybe sooner.

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

Feed back:  Yes please!!!

Here is the second part of Ch. 25. You might need a Kleenex or two, but I am thrilled to finally have this posted. I hope all of you will be too. I must thank Kimberly for proofing this so quickly for me.  My sweet Muse, Marie for her constant faith I would come back to this and my other stories. And to two very special couples I want to dedicate the rest of this story to, Mel and Kim and Elizabeth and Claire. And to so many other wonderful couples who like Marie and I have found one another on this or other boards. May we all find the love Lena and Bianca have in this and other stories.  Now on with today's chapter

Chapter 25B   I thought it was safe (Rated R)

 

Bianca and I were resting from our 45 minutes of uninterrupted petting.  Our blouses were open and the bras were “somewhere” in the room, discarded during the early stages of our impromptu make-out session.  After all, we are both “breast” women and neither wants anything in the way of our hands, mouths and…well, you get the idea.  We tried to be as quiet as possible, especially with both Mama and Jackson in the house.  I personally can only stand so much tormenting.  For now we were both just trying to catch our breath and work up the energy to get up and dressed again.

 

“OK, enough of this wonderful distraction, it’s getting late and we really need to be going if we are going to get all the shopping done today, and not wear poor Mimo out in the process,” Bianca announced, removing “me” from her person and going in search of her bra and mine as well, I hoped.

 

“Party pooper,” was all I said, hauling my less-then-enthusiastic ass out of bed. Heading towards the bathroom to give my poor bladder some much needed relief.

 

“Lena, why do you get to use the bathroom first,” she whined.

 

“Seniority, sweetheart, seniority,” I said, waving to her without turning around. 

 

“Fine,” my sweet girl answered, tossing my “lost” bra at the back of my head, just as I entered the bathroom.  I bent down, picked it up and blew her a kiss.  Then, as I closed the door, I gave her my best wink and a wave, thus giving her a refresher course in “Lena the smart ass, 101.”

 

 We spent the next 10 minutes without incident, dressing, freshening up our make-up, and getting one or two more kisses in for the road.  Seems I was forgiven for my smart ass behavior already, so we headed off to Mama’s room to retrieve our little girl and say our good-byes.

 

I knocked on her door and found Jack standing on the other side, pulling the door open for us.  He had a huge grin on his face, which I chose to ignore, and swept by him to my Mother’s bedside.

 

“Hello, sweetheart.”

 

“Hello, Mama, can I take this little one from you now?”

 

“I guess so, but I will miss her and both of you as well.”

 

“Mama, we don’t have to go…”

 

“Yes you do, I’m just being silly.  Besides I want you to go.  I won’t get any sleep if you don’t.”

 

“I beg your pardon,” I said with just enough shock and horror, but Mama wasn’t buying it. Neither was anyone else in the room. “Fine, come here my little pumpkin.  Your Mother and I are going to take you shopping. And your Nana needs to sleep.” 

 

I handed Miranda her little stuffed lamb before I put her into her stroller.  She hugged her little lamby and kissed its little head over and over, while Bianca and I made sure she was securely fastened into her stroller and ready for the short ride to the car.

 

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The three of us rode in silence for much of the trip to the department store.  I was tired.  The kind of tired you get when too many things in your life are running around in your brain and threaten to take over every other thought you try to have.  Bianca would occasionally place her hand on my arm as I drove and squeeze it lovingly or rub her thumb over the back of my hand in that way she had of calming my nerves when she sensed I was stressed.  We would smile at each other, but say nothing. Then we would both turn and make sure Miranda was safe in her car seat.

 

We finally arrived, parked the car and put our baby in her stroller and began the shopping experience.  As Bianca carried on, finding new little treasures in each and every store window we passed, I wondered how Mama was doing.  I didn’t want to leave her and wouldn’t have, had she not insisted, and had Jack not been here to keep an eye on her.

 

My cell phone was beginning to burn a whole in my pants pocket, as we strolled from department to department in the largest Department store in town. I kept expecting to hear it ring…vibrate…something, if Jackson felt we should return. Or if anything should happen…if Mama got worse.  But it remained silent. If only my mind would too.  But perhaps that was too much to expect.

 

I tried to get into the spirit of the shopping mood Bianca was in.  I smiled as Bianca held up one adorable outfit for Miranda after another. Wondering silently why were we looking at clothing. That was the one thing I had spent hours buying for our baby, that and all the “necessities.”  But how could I stop her Mother from wanting to buy more for her child. Finally I heard her tell Miranda, while kneeling in front of her, that we were off to find her crib. “Thank God,” I thought to myself.  The longer this all took the more my nerves got on end. Bianca stood up and kissed me, asking if I was still with her. I nodded and pulled her into a fierce hug. 

 

“Lena,” she said, with a hint of desperation in her voice.

 

“Sorry, baby. I don’t know my own strength I guess,” I whispered. Releasing her and staring at my shoes as if they held the secrets of the Universe. 

 

“I thought I had lost you,” she asked.

 

“No, of course not,” I lied flashing the best dimpled smile I could muster. Taking hold of Miranda’s stroller and offering my arm to my love. “Now where do they keep the cribs?” Bianca motioned towards the elevators where we joined the other new parents and headed for the 3rd floor.

 

Miranda was sucking her favorite thumb and hugging Lamby as we three exited the elevator and faced a sea of baby cribs, beds, playpens and more. My heart sunk. I was sure we would be here for hours, if not days, before Bianca would get done inspecting every piece of furniture in this massive room. I took a deep breath and charged forward. Nothing really catching my eye, and then I felt Bianca squeeze my arm and point to our left. “Lena, look!” I came out of my shopper’s daze and turned to see what had caught my lover’s eye, when I saw the most beautiful crib and matching playpen one could envision.

 

They were both a soft white with delicate little pink rosebuds painted all over them. They had a delicate and classic antique air about them. Something from a time long gone and yet they were in perfect condition. They were clearly new, and yet made to take you and your child into a time long forgotten. The headboard, on the crib, had delicate hand carved tiny animal creatures frolicking in a lush field surrounding a laughing child. A little girl, who surprisingly enough resembled our little princess, holding the cutest little baby bunny in her lap. Bianca then pointed towards the footboard, where we saw they had carved a beautiful waterfall cascading down a picturesque mountain with the falls spray shooting up from the lake it emptied into. The playpen had one hand carved woodland creature on each of the four corners. None with a sharp point or anything the child might hurt themselves. Bianca and I looked at them with awe and knew without a doubt these were the ones for our princess. 

 

“Excuse me,” a pretty young sales clerk said. Thus bringing us back from our shared dream where our Miranda would be spending hours sleeping and playing in her new little magical world.

 

“Yes,” I answered.

 

 “I see you found the pride of our showroom,” she said.

 

“They’re marvelous,” Bianca said, running her fingertips over the carvings on the headboard.

 

“It’s a one of a kind. Not something we usually carry here, but the man who built them charmed our owner and convinced him that they would sell before summer came. He said they had been built for a very special child he knew would come here with her parents and know right away they were meant for her.  He said if time proved him wrong he would come back for them and pay the owner for his time and space for keeping them here.”

 

“And no one has wanted to buy them, till now?” Bianca asked.

 

“Oh, many have wanted to, but they are quite expensive and none have wanted to pay the asking price.”

 

 “And what would that be?” I asked, knowing full well I would pay anything for this set.  Anything to make my two girls happy.

 

 “$20,000 American,” the girl said, waiting for the shock to set in.

 

 “Good Lord, no wonder you haven’t sold them…” I choked out.

 

 “Lena, please,” Bianca pleaded before I could finish.

 

“Bianca, not to worry, I was only commenting. Of course we will buy them. I want this for Miranda as much as you do. But I don’t have that kind of money on me today. And I don’t want to put it on a card. Could you hold this for us and I will return tomorrow with the cash.  I can give you $2000 down, so you know I mean to return for them.”

 

“We would be pleased to hold them for you.”

 

“Excellent. One more thing, I presume they don’t come apart and we won’t be able to fit them into the car. Can you deliver them as well?”

 

“Absolutely,” the young woman said, asking me then to follow her so we might set up the purchase and delivery arrangements. I gave her my name, our address and number and then asked her if there was some way she could tell me whom the man was who created the crib and playpen?  She said they had been given strict orders not to release that information to anyone other then the parents who purchased the items. She then turned and pulled out a business card from her desk with the man’s name, address and phone number, handing it to me and wished me a good day. It was all so strange and mysterious, but then what hadn’t been when it came to all things in Miranda’s short but eventful life. I dismissed the questions running through my brain for now, pocketed the card and returned to my family.

 

 “Lena!” Bianca shouted out to me as I returned from the sales office, waving her arms as if she were bringing a plane in for a landing. I smiled and hurried back to her and Miranda. Bianca threw her arms around my neck and thanked me over and over for doing this. I looked down and saw our little one with her arms raised, wanting to be held too. I convinced my love to let me go long enough to let our little one join in our celebration. As we stood there holding our baby and smiling into each other’s eyes, I could see the wheels turn in Bianca’s mind.

 

“What is it, my love?”

 

She blushed and took a few seconds before she answered. “Lena, I know you said we would come back tomorrow with the money, but isn’t there a bank close by where we could get it now and have everything delivered tomorrow…or even better later today?”

 

“Silly me, what was I thinking.  That is an excellent idea, Bianca. Let’s go do that and hurry back. Or, do you want me to go and you and the baby wait for me? I think our little one is getting tired.”

 

“No, we will come with you. Miranda will sleep in the stroller if she is tired.  I don’t want to be away from you or her if I can help it.”

 

“Alright, just let me go and find the sales girl again and see if they can still deliver today or tomorrow.” I kissed both Bianca and Miranda on the cheek and went in search of the girl.

 

Once I found the young woman and promised to pay an additional $500 for a delivery before 5pm today, I rushed back to my girls and we headed off to the bank. Thank God for all of us, my branch was only a few blocks away.  Miranda was not only tired but getting a little cranky and in desperate need for a nap, and not in her stroller.  The bank wasn’t thrilled to give me that much cash on such short notice, but I knew the bank President and he made quick work of it in getting us our money.  We were like young schoolgirls, laughing and joking about the insanity of the entire situation, but how thrilled we were to find something so wonderful and perfect for our little girl.

 

We dropped off the money; got a receipt and confirmed on more time all would be delivered before the end of business today. Bianca and I had hoped to go to the park after shopping, but we needed to get home for Miranda and take all the clothing home as well. Plus B knew I wanted to see Mama too. I couldn’t wait to tell her what we had bought today and for she and Jackson to see them as well.

 

We had put everything in the trunk and placed our sleepy little angel in her car seat.  As I sat in the driver’s seat, I pulled my cell phone out and checked once more to see if there had been any calls during all this confusion, but there were none. I breathed a sigh of relief and put the phone back in my pocket.

 

“He would call, Lena.”

 

“I know, sweetie, I just haven’t been able to shake this feeling all day that something is wrong, but you are right, Jack would call, right?”

 

“Absolutely,” she said, leaning over to kiss me. “Now stop worrying and take us home, my love.”

 

 “Yes, ma’am,” I answered with a salute and took off for home.

 

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We were a few blocks from home when I noticed Jackson’s rental car wasn’t in front of the house.  As we got closer I also noticed all the lights were out and it looked as if no one was home.

 

“Bianca,” I said, not sure what to think. She grabbed my arm and assured me all was fine.  But I knew she didn’t believe that any more then I did. As I parked the car we heard a female voice shouting my name. We both turned to see my neighbor Margaret running towards us with a very worried look on her face.

 

“Lena,” she said trying to catch her breath. “Thank God you are finally home.  They told me not to call you, but you have been gone so long, I was just about to give up and call.”

 

“Margaret, who told you not to call?  What has happened?” I asked trying not to yell at the poor messenger, but she was scaring the hell out of me.

 

“It’s your Mother. She’s been taken to the hospital with that nice man.  He called the ambulance and they took them both away several hours ago.”

 

“I don’t understand…why didn’t they call me?” I grabbed poor Margaret by her arms and began to shake her.  “Why didn’t anyone call ME!!?”

 

Margaret was trying to remain calm and release herself from my iron grip, but had no luck with either.

 

“Bianca,” she said, looking at her for help. Bianca was frozen; she didn’t know what to do. Miranda as crying now, due to all of my screaming, and her exhaustion. Finally Bianca helped Miranda out of her car seat and cradled her in her arms, and then walked towards Margaret and me.

 

“Lena, please,” she said softly, lightly touching my arm. Fearing I might lash out at her next. “Let her go, sweetie.  She didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

I swear I heard myself growl at both of them. The sound both shocked and scared me as much as it did them and seemed to bring me back to reality, at least for now. I shook my head and released my poor neighbor.  Begged her forgiveness and begged her to tell me exactly what time they had taken Mama and rushed her to the hospital and why. Margaret didn’t know the exact time, but knew it had been several hours at least. She assured me it was at my Mother’s insistence that I not be called. That she wanted us to have the day with our daughter and she would be waiting to see us once we got home.

 

I wanted to punch something, anything. How could Mama do this to me…to us? What if she was wrong and her condition was far worse then she thought and we didn’t get there in time. I knew damn well they didn’t rush her to the hospital because she was in pain. Something must be terribly wrong. Was she bleeding again? Hell, it didn’t matter. I apologized to Margaret again and thanked her for her help, while I got back in the car.

 

“LENA!!” I heard Bianca yell. Oh Hell, I had forgotten all about her and Miranda. My brain was on over load and I didn’t know how much more I could take. I knew only one thing; I had to get to my Mother. Not turning to look at her and the baby for now, I told her to take Miranda and stay with Margaret if she didn’t want to be alone and I would call as soon as I could.

 

“Lena Kundera, you will not leave me or our child here when Mama needs all of us now.” Bianca ordered.

 

The air was thick with silence as I turned the car off. I said nothing and waited for them to get back in the car. Bianca spoke to Margaret for a few moments and I think she handed her the keys to our house, me not understanding why or caring. Then she put a very tired Miranda in her car seat, and once Miranda and B were situated, I started the car up again and headed for the hospital. Margaret waived goodbye to us and headed back to her home. 

 

I really wasn’t sure if Bianca would speak to me for the rest of the evening and then I felt her reach over and touch my right forearm and squeeze it lovingly. I couldn’t look at her now, and I hoped she knew why. I was barely holding it together and if I looked into those soulful eyes I was never going to get to the hospital.  I’d be done for and we both knew it.  I just grabbed the steering wheel even harder with both hands and concentrated on the road. That and the fact, Jackson was going to have a lot to answer for when I got there. No matter what anyone said to me.

 

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“Doctor, how is she doing? It has been hours and no one has told me a thing. Her daughter will be here soon and I need to have answers for her.”

 

 

“I can’t help you, Mr…”

 

 

“Montgomery.”

 

 

“Mr. Montgomery.  I will have to speak with Miss. Kundera myself.  Let the nurses know when she has arrived and they will find me. You must excuse me now. I have other patients to see.”

 

 

The Doctor left a very agitated Jackson behind, when all of a sudden his cell phone rang.

 

 

“Hello,” he said, not recognizing the number on the caller ID.

 

 

“Mr. Montgomery, Lena and Bianca just left. They are heading for the hospital now.” Margaret told him.

 

“Thank you, Margaret. That is wonderful news.”

 

“I hope you still think so when she gets there.  Lena is very upset, and that is an understatement, if you want my opinion.”

 

 

“I’m sure she is, but she will understand once I get a chance to explain.”

 

“Well, good luck with that.”

 

“Thank you, Margaret, for all your help.”

 

“You’re most welcome. I hope everything turns out for the best.”

 

“Me too.  Goodbye.”  Jackson hung up his phone, sat on the cold, hard hospital chair and waited for Lena and Bianca to arrive.

 

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We had finally made it to the hospital. I helped Miranda into her stroller, never looking in her eyes or those of her Mother. Trying to stay focused on getting the three of us to the Emergency room and finding out where they had taken my Mother and how she was doing. 

 

We rushed to the nurses station and I began to grill the nurses, demanding to know where my Mother was and who was taking care of her.  I wasn’t getting a lot of cooperation from anyone, when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw a distraught Jackson Montgomery staring back at me.

 

“Why didn’t you call me, Jackson?  Why didn’t you call me right away? I trusted you.  I trusted you with my Mother’s life!” I shouted at him.  Hell, I was shrieking at him, clawing and pulling at the poor man’s coat lapels like my life depended on it.

 

 

“I couldn’t, Lena.  She begged me not to.  She wanted the three of you to enjoy your day.”

 

“Sweetie, please let him go. It isn’t Uncle Jack’s fault,” Bianca begged me.

 

I turned on her, shooting death looks at her.  I had lost all reason and she was trying to appease me.  Was she kidding?

 

“What?  Are you saying it was “HER” fault,” I demanded, still maintaining my death grip on Jackson’s coat as I glared at Bianca.

  

She didn’t answer me.  She stayed calmer then I had ever seen Bianca.  Reaching over me and prying my hands loose from her Uncle. Taking them in hers and kissing my palms, while her deep, penetrating, soulful eyes never left mine.

 

“Lena, please – come with me, we need to go see Mama now,” Bianca pleaded with me quietly, but steadfastly.

 

I was a fucking mess.  A plethora of emotions, and Bianca was trying to put out a volcano with kisses.  I pulled my hands back, glared at both of them and was about to turn my attack back towards the nurses, when the Doctor showed up.  I guessed the nurses called him while I was busy with Jack.

 

“Miss Kundera, please,” He said offering me his hand.  “This is a hospital, and though I know you are very distraught, we can’t have this kind of scene here.”  Again he offered his hand and I followed him.  “I will take you to your Mother, just come with me.”  I did as he asked, leaving Bianca, Miranda and Jackson behind.

 

He spoke in soft tones, telling me my Mother had taken a turn for the worse, as they had expected the time was here and she was in the final stages of her disease.  She was dying. He said calmly as if he were telling me it was going to rain later today.  Then he assured me that they were doing everything they could to make her comfortable.  I didn’t hear much more after that, other then the endless ringing in my ears.  The hallway seemed to be closing in on me and the lights were getting dimmer. Before I knew it, I felt my knees give out and I fell to the cold, hard floor.  People were rushing around me and everyone was calling out my name. I lay there looking at the ceiling wishing this was all some terrible dream and someone… anyone would wake me up and make it all go away.  

 

TBC

 

Stephanie  aka The Diva

 

 

Feedback:  Yes please.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 26  Sanctuary (Rated PG-13)

 

 

I felt something cold and damp on my forehead. A hand was holding mine and a soft, caring voice was telling me everything would be alright.  I wanted to open my eyes, but even with them closed, I could feel the pain from the light seeping through my eye lids. What would it feel like if I opened them, I wondered. Something inside told me I wouldn’t want to know. So I took my free hand and covered them.

 

 

“What happened…where am I?” I asked, not knowing who was in this room to answer my questions.

 

 

“Lena, baby, you blacked out,” the voice said.  It sounded female, but I wasn’t sure.

 

 

“Miss Kundera, you are in my office.  You’re in the hospital,” a more male sounding voice chimed in.

 

 

“Hospital…hospital…Oh God…Mama,” I shouted. Rapidly sitting up as the nightmare all came rushing back to me.  I accidentally pushed Bianca away from me. She had been kneeling beside the sofa I was on, and caught herself before she would have fallen over.

 

 

“Bianca,” I cried out, reaching for her.  What was I doing?  Why did I keep hurting her?  I tried to reach out for her, but the mere action of leaning over made the blood rush to my head again, and sent me reeling back onto the sofa.

 

 

“Damn, what the hell is wrong with me?” I cried out, grabbing my head, praying the nausea and pain would cease.

 

 

“Miss Kundera, you really must stay calm.  You have suffered a terrible shock.”

 

 

I recognized the Doctor’s voice this time, and had I had the strength and will, I would have stood up and beaten the crap out of him.

 

 

“And whose fault is that, Doctor?” I asked, the crook of my arm still protecting my eyes from the light.

 

 

“Doctor, do you think you could leave us for a bit?” Bianca asked. 

 

 

That’s my girl, always the peace maker.  Well one of us had to be, I guess.  Lord knows I was not in a “peaceful” place right now, and not likely to be in one anytime soon. That was for damn sure.  Foots steps exited the room and the door opened and closed behind the retreating physician.

 

 

“Bianca…”

 

 

 

“Yes, baby,” Bianca said, running her hand over my forehead and through my hair. Causing a little of the pain and nausea to wane.

 

 

“I need to get to Mama.”

 

 

“I know, sweetie, but you need to stop passing out first.”

 

 

I swore I heard a soft chuckle come from my girl. I raised my arm and looked at her with only one eye barely open.  Sure enough, in the midst of all this madness, she was teasing me and smiling that innocent smile of hers. Before I could speak she, cupped my cold and clammy face with both of her hands, leaned in and gave me the sweetest kiss. When the kiss ended I was no longer sure what I was going to say or do.  Then the unexpected happened, I began to weep uncontrollably.  I grabbed on to Bianca for dear life and didn’t let go of her until the crying finally subsided, several agonizing minutes later.

 

 

Once the tears had stopped and my breathing returned to normal, we pulled apart and stared at one another. Bianca was smiling her wondrous smile again, and brushing the tears from my cheeks with her soft and loving hands.  I was horribly embarrassed to have lost it so, in front of Bianca, but deep down I had to admit a certain sense of calm was now present, instead of the overwhelming and suffocating fear. 

 

 

“Better?” she asked, while moving me over so she could sit beside me now and hold me.

 

 

“Yes, I think.”

 

 

 

“Good, it’s better to have done that here and not in front of Mama, don’t you think?”

 

 

 

“God yes, though I wish you hadn’t seen it either.”

 

 

 

“Lena, please don’t try to hide from me or protect me.  We’re here for each other.  You don’t always have to be the strong one, my love.  I’m not made of glass and though you like to believe you are made of stone, I have news for you, baby, you aren’t.  And if you were, I couldn’t love you the way I do.”

 

 

 

“But…”

 

 

 

“No, Lena, we have to do this together or neither of us is going to get through it.”

 

 

I knew she was right.  I wasn’t totally at peace with the knowledge of me not being the iron woman I had always been, before I met my sweet girl.  But I was learning, having Bianca in my life was better then any fake existence I had, before I fell so long and hard for her.

 

 

I decided silence was my best friend for now, so I leaned into my lover’s side and basked in her warm embrace.  I needed just a bit more time to pull myself together, before we both headed off to Mama’s room.

 

 

She rocked me a little, as she would Miranda, making me feel safe and loved.  Feelings I so desperately needed right now, so I fought the urge to reject her care. She told me Miranda was with Jackson, who had taken our baby home to get some rest.  Our wonderful neighbor, Margaret, would be available to help him feed our baby and get her to bed.

 

 

 

“BED!” I shouted.  Miranda’s crib was to be delivered. In all the insanity, I had totally forgotten about it.

 

 

“What, sweetie?”

 

 

“Mimo’s crib…”

 

 

“Oh, not to worry, Margaret was there when they arrived.  It is all taken care of.”

 

 

“How long was I out?” I asked, confused as too when all this had happened.

 

 

“Forty Five minutes to an hour I think.  I’m not sure.”

 

 

“Thank God for them,”

 

 

“Yes, they have both been a real blessing.”

 

 

I started to pull myself together.  To much time had been wasted and I needed to be with my Mother – we needed to be with her.

 

 

“I’m sorry, B,” I said, trying to stand up. “I guess I still need a little help. Could you get me a glass of water?” We both looked around the Doctor’s office, until I spied a pitcher of water and a glass on his desk.  Bianca got up and returned with the water.

 

 

“Here, sweetie, take your time.”

 

 

The water was just what I needed. As I drank, I could feel my stomach and entire system feel better with each drop as it went down.  Once all the water was gone, I handed the glass back to Bianca.

 

 

“More?” she asked, but I told her no and thanked her, assuring her I was fine now. As she returned the glass to the desk, I rose up and felt secure and ready to face anything.  I tucked my blouse back into my slacks. Tightened my belt and straightened the collar of my blouse.

 

 

“Ready?” Bianca asked, taking her small hand in mine, while brushing the finger tips of her other hand across my cheek.

 

 

“With you, my love, always,” I answered honestly and with as much love as I could muster.  All the shock and fear was replaced with Bianca’s love and assurance that we could and would face this together.  I wasn’t alone.  And most importantly, neither would be “Our Mama” when the end came.  Maybe I couldn’t keep Mama from dying, but with Bianca and Miranda we could make her end a peaceful and a loving one. Some thing my past never could have guaranteed.

 

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

The Diva  aka Stephanie

 

 

FB: Please feed me.

 

 

 

Chapter 27-A  No words (rated PG-13)

 

Bianca and I walked hand and hand towards Mama’s room in the ICU.   We had done so in silence.  Her squeezing mine every so often to let me know I wasn’t alone. After a little bit, we had arrived.  I took a deep breath and turned towards my love. Brushed a few stray hairs from her eyes and tried to find my words.

 

 

 

“Bianca, I…I don’t want to upset you, but…”

 

 

 

“You want to go in alone?”

 

 

 

“Yes, just for 10 or 15 minutes. Is that ok?”

 

 

 

“Baby, of course it is.  Are you sure you don’t need more time?

 

 

“I don’t…no, that should be enough, I think.”

 

 

 

“Lena, if you need more time just let me know when I come in the room. Don’t be afraid to let me know. OK, sweetheart?”

 

 

 

“OK…thank you for understanding. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”

 

 

Bianca didn’t say anything after that, she took me into her arms and hugged me until she knew I was ready to go, or as ready as I was ever going to be.  I had learned that kind of instinctual understanding is one of the many blessings one receives when you find your soul mate.  It’s those unspoken, yet perfect moments that pass between the two of you, especially during the truly trying times in life, that tell you this is the one.  A love that is anything less then this, would never begin to comprehend a lover’s pain and struggle without having to ask 20 useless and tiresome questions.  And still not have a clue on how to help you, or perhaps not even understand that help of any kind was even needed.  This I learned from too, too many empty relationships from my horrid past.

 

 

I took one last deep breath, brought the palm of her precious hand to my lips, kissed it and held it to my lips just long enough to give me the peace and strength to face my Mother with the courage and love to make her needs my priority now and not my own. I released my love’s hand, pulled my shoulders back, turned and headed for my Mother’s room.  Feeling Bianca’s loving stare will me towards my toughest challenge in my life. That of letting Mama go.

 

 

-------------------------

 

Bianca’s POV

 

Once I watched Lena go into her Mother’s room, I left the ICU ward and went outside to call home.  I needed to hear that Miranda was safe.  To know she would be there when Lena and I could go home with or without – to hear my baby laugh or coo into the phone, anything to make a small part of all these hurts disappear, if only for a moment.

 

 

Our life, Lena’s and mine, had been one drama after another from the first day we met.  It made me wonder if we would ever find any semblance of peace.  But even if the answer were no to that question, I knew we would never suffer from a lack of love to see us through whatever fate had in store for us.

 

 

“Uncle Jack,” I sighed, relieved to hear his voice. “How is Miranda? Oh, she is asleep – well that’s for the best, I guess. She had quite the work out today. No, no I am fine. I just was hoping – it doesn’t matter. Just give her a kiss for Lena and me of course and tell her we love her.  I’ll call later. Yes, Lena is with her now. Thank you, Uncle Jack, for so much. I love you too.”

 

 

I hung up my cell phone, staring at it trying to decide what to do next. Then I dialed one more number. She picked up on the second ring.

 

 

“Kendall, thank God you’re there.”

 

 

“Bianca, I thought you were never going to call. I haven’t heard a word from you since Jack arrived. Are you and Miranda ok?”

 

 

“Breathe, sis, and yes we are ok.  I’m sorry I haven’t called, but it has been pretty busy here.”

 

 

“That’s what Jack said.  He told me not to call, that you would call when you had time.”

 

 

“I didn’t know…when did you two speak?”

 

 

“The first night he was there, and then today.”

 

 

 

“So you know?”

 

 

“About Paulina, yes sweetie, he told me everything.  How is Lena?”

 

 

I started to cry, feeling my defenses crashing around me, as I heard the love and concern in my sister’s voice, a voice that was too far away to really help me. I struggled to get the words out, “she’s…she’s holding on…most of the time.”  I was sure Jack had already told her about Lena’s “breakdown.”  I didn’t see any reason to dwell on it.

 

 

“Baby sis, what can I do to help?”

 

 

“Come…please come, Kendall.  We need you.”

 

 

I couldn’t say any more. I closed the phone, sat on the curb and cried my eyes out.  I knew Kendall would understand.  I knew she would be here as soon as she could be.  Something told me, Erica would be with her.  “That” I would leave to Uncle Jack to deal with.  Lena and I would have enough to handle, though a small part of me wanted My Mother here as well.  A very small part.

 

----------------------

 

 

 Lena’s POV

 

 

The room had a chill about it, something you think I would have remembered from Mama’s other hospital stays. But this one really went to the bone.  It felt more like a meat locker, then a hospital room.  The lights were turned down and the only sounds where the many monitors that were attached to Mama.  I almost caught myself laughing, thinking if she had one more thing hooked up to her, she could receive cable. Well at least she could be entertained, if she did.  But it was a fleeting moment of amusement, once I was standing beside her and saw how pitifully small, pale and helpless she looked.  So unbelievably broken, I heard myself gasp, my hand covering my mouth in the hope she wouldn’t hear me. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder; I swear I must have jumped ten feet, my heart was stuck in my throat as I turned to see who had snuck up on me.  Clutching my chest, I saw the deep, blue eyes of a nurse staring back at me.

 

 

“Please forgive me, Ms Kundera, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

 

 

“It’s ok. I lied, touching her forearm and giving her my best fake smile.  How is she?”

 

 

“She’s asleep.  She had been in terrible pain when she arrived.  The Doctor has her on a great deal of morphine.  I doubt she will wake before morning, if…” But she didn’t finish her remark, though I knew what she meant.  Mama might never wake again.  The very thing I feared, but I wouldn’t let myself believe. 

 

 

I thanked, Sara, the caring blue-eyed nurse and sent her on her way.  I didn’t have much time before Bianca would join me and I needed some time with Mama.  Even if she wasn’t awake.

 

 

I pulled up one of those hard, cold metal chairs.  I had no idea why hospitals all over the world bought these damn things.  You would think they would want family members to be comfortable and not feel like they were sitting in a prison cell, awaiting execution.  But what did I know?  Maybe they didn’t want us to get too comfortable.  Hell, what was I doing thinking of comfort, when – oh what did it matter. I shook off the thought and tried to concentrate on what I really needed to do.

 

 

I took hold of my Mother’s cold, limp hand, bringing it to my lips.  Kissed it and desperately tried to warm her up, and yes wake her if I could.  I needed to tell her so many things, but most of all I needed to say goodbye.  I wasn’t going to let her go, not without that.  So I began, telling her what I knew she needed to know. Like how much I loved her and that she would be missed by everyone whoever knew her.  How much her life had mattered.  I told her how sorry I was. Sorry for being such a waste, before Bianca.  That I would spend the rest of my life making up for being a liar, a thief and a whore.  I wanted her to know that I would never bring shame on our family again.  That I would spend my life protecting Bianca and Miranda from any harm life could send us.  I prayed she’d heard everything I had said.  And that she could find it in her heart to forgive me.  Finally all I could do or say was how much I loved her and would miss her, over and over. Hoping she would hear me and open those warm, loving eyes of hers and tell me one last time all would be fine, no matter how impossible that might be.

 

 

I leaned on my elbows and rocked, still clutching Mama’s frail hand pressed to my forehead, chanting I loved her as a quiet prayer only she or I could hear. I felt like a 5 year old lost in a dark room waiting for Mama to find me. To hold me, tell me she loved me and only me. Was that too much to ask?  Was this all my fault? Was she being punished for my sins? And if so, why?  Why couldn’t it be me lying there?  She didn’t deserve this, but I did.

 

 

“Lena…” I barely heard Bianca say.  She had placed a chair beside me and was stroking my back, with warm loving circles.  I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, I continued my mantra. Desperately holding on to what little hope I still had.

 

 

 

“She is still here, Lena.”

 

 

 

“What?” I asked, not sure what Bianca had said.

 

 

 

“She’s still with us, baby.  I can feel her soul, can’t you?”

 

 

 

I had no idea what Bianca was trying to say.  I looked at her as if she were speaking a foreign tongue.

 

 

 

She took hold of my face and looked deep into my eyes, trying to get through to me.  I must have looked like a drowning man going down for the last time.  Her brilliant eyes trying to be my life preserver.

 

 

 

“Lena, they say when someone is dying; you can sense their soul is gone before they are.  Mama’s isn’t.  She’s still here, sweetheart.  We haven’t lost her.  She will wake up, I promise.  You will get to say goodbye.”

 

 

 

“Promise,” was all I could get out. The tears and mucus were running down the back of my throat, as if to try and drown my pain.

 

 

 

“Promise.  Trust me, Lena, please.  Trust Mama, you know she would never leave without saying goodbye to all of us.  You know that,” she said, placing her hand over my heart. 

 

 

Suddenly my entire being knew she was right.  I covered her hand with mine and Mama’s, stifling my sobs, doubts and self pity.  Bianca had done it again, saved me from myself, as she always had and most likely always would.  We would wait for as long as it took she and I together. Mama would return to us.  I knew…no I believed that now with every fiber of my being.  No matter what the Doctors or nurses said.  Paulina Kundera never broke her word.  She would awake, if only long enough to say her goodbyes.  But say them she would.  Because she loved us and because she was the strongest woman I had ever known.

 

 

TBC

 

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

FB: Please.

 

 

 

Chapter 27-B  No words (rated PG-13)

 

 

It was the wee hours of the morning and Nurse Sara had taken pity on both Bianca and I and found two high back chairs that were far more comfortable then the prison chairs we had been sitting on for hours. I thanked her and said I hoped she wouldn’t get into any trouble.  She winked and said something about some undeserving physician’s office and walked away.  It was good to know someone in this hellhole still cared about the patients and their families.

 

 

Bianca was asleep in her chair, when I heard her cell phone buzzing from inside her pants pocket. I reached over and removed it, checking to see who was calling her at this ungodly hour.  It was our home phone, so I presumed it had to be Jackson. I knew I couldn’t take the call in Mama’s room, so I left the ICU and looked for the nearest exit.  Once outside I phoned Jackson back.

 

 

“Lena, is that you?”

 

 

“Hello to you too, dear Boy,” I answered jovially. I guess I was getting a little punchy from a lack of sleep and extensive crying.

 

 

 

“Sorry, Lena,”

 

 

 

“No need, Jack, what seems to be the crisis?”

 

 

 

“Not so much a crisis, it’s just…well Miranda has been crying for hours now and I don’t know what more I can do for her. Clearly she wants her Mother, and I appear to be a very poor substitute in her eyes.  Even Little B couldn’t get her to calm down for very long, though I have to give this cat kudos for trying. I know things are tough there, but do you think…” I interrupted the poor man and assured him I would be sending Bianca home post haste. It wasn’t fair to poor Miranda to be separated from her Mother like this and I should have realized that and sent Bianca home hours ago.

 

 

I hung up the phone and returned to the ICU.  I carefully approached my sleeping beauty, gently brushed her forehead with my hand, while quietly urging her to waken.

 

 

“Bianca, love, Miranda needs you baby.  It’s time to wake up.”

 

 

Bianca slowly began to stir, stretching her legs from beneath her, from where she had them as she slept, and purred as I nuzzled her cheek.

 

 

“Morning,” she said, in her sleepy voice.

 

 

“More like middle of the night, love,” I answered, sitting on the arm of her chair, playing with her hair.

 

 

 

Once her eyes were truly open, she saw Mama still in her coma like state and remembered where we were. “What’s wrong, Lena?”

 

 

“Nothing, baby, just a little girl missing her Mother. Jack called and he desperately needs you to come home.”

 

 

“But I…” I interrupted her thought with a short kiss.  “Yes you can and will.  Now don’t worry about the Kundera women, we are strong like Amazons.  Go take care of our little angel.”

 

 

I think she knew by the look in my eyes, there was no arguing the details.  Plus I knew she would never want Miranda feeling neglected.

 

 

“Our poor little Mimo has been crying for you for hours, he said, so you know you have to go.  I know you will return as soon as it is possible. And you know I will call if anything changes, I promise. Now scoot, give our baby a hug and kiss for me, and please see that you both get some sleep.”

 

 

While I got Bianca’s coat from the wall hook, she kissed Mama’s forehead and whispered, “I love you” into her ear.  I wrapped the coat around her shoulders and hustled her out to the car. We said nothing as we hugged goodbye and shared one last kiss as she got back into our car and drove away.  As I walked back to Mama’s room, I felt a stab to my heart, wishing I could be in two places at once, with my love and our baby, holding them tight.  Listening to those funny little snoring sounds my Montgomery girls make as they sleep and here with my Mother.  But alas there are times in life choices need to be made, and this was one of those times. As I re-entered Mama’s room, I found two blankets hanging over the chairs. It seemed Nurse Sara had struck again, and pilfered more booty for us.  I wrapped one of the blankets around me, took hold of Mama’s hand once more and settled back into my chair. Letting the persistent sounds from the monitors’ lull me back to sleep.

 

 

-------

 

 

Bianca’s POV

 

 

I wanted to rush home to my daughter, but the air was laden with a heavy fog and I wasn’t as familiar with the drive as Lena.  Usually she did most if not all of the driving, but I knew if I took my time I could fine my way home.  After a few wrong turns, I finally made it back.  My nerves were a little worse for the wear from the drive and the entire evening’s events.  So I parked the car in our driveway and sat in the car for a few precious silent moments. 

 

 

TAP, TAP, TAP.

 

 

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard someone knocking on the car window.   I turned to see who it was and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing my Uncle’s face.

 

 

“Uncle Jack, are you trying to give me a heart-attack?” I asked, pushing the car door open and exiting the vehicle.

 

 

“Sorry,” he said, taking me into those wonderful long arms of his and held me tight.

 

 

He walked me back to the house, with his arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders.  Telling me how happy Miranda would be to see me.  I felt a twinge of guilt, knowing I had left her for so many hours, but I knew she would forget all that once I held her again.

 

 

Little Mimo was standing in her brand new crib, holding onto the headboard and rocking her little body as she whimpered. I ditched my coat onto the bed and ran to pick up my sweet baby.  But then, just before I swept her into my arms, I had the realization that my almost eight month old baby was standing. Lena and I had never seen her stand.  Mimo looked up at me with confusion, most likely wondering why I hadn’t picked her up yet. She let go of the headboard and instantly fell onto her little bottom, her sweet cubby little arms and hands reaching out for me.  I guessed she hadn’t mastered the standing thing yet, so I shook away my confusion and leaned down, picked her up and held her as tightly as I could.  Whispering “I love you’s” into her little ear, and raining kisses on her tear stained little cheeks.

 

 

Her whimpering began to subside as we held each other, her tiny arms clinging to me with all her might.  She laid her little face on my shoulder and snuggled into the crook of my neck.  I sat both of us down on the edge of the bed and breathed her in as we continued to hold each other and get lost in the sound of one another’s breathing.  I could feel her little heart, that had been racing just moments ago from her stressful crying, beating normally now.  We rocked together as we held each other tight, and then that wonderful little snore she makes when she sleeps began to play against my ear.

 

 

Our baby girl was at peace again and off in her happy dreamland.  God how I envied her; envied that simple trust. And thankful that she still had her innocence, after all she had been through.  Thankful she had been a baby during the dreadful Babe debacle and hadn’t been old enough to be scared by it all.

 

 

“I’m here, sweet baby girl.  Mama’s here,” I told my sleeping child.  And I would be; both Lena and I would be there for her from now on. 

 

 

After some time, Mimo and I fell asleep in the middle of the bed, holding each other as we traveled off to a happier dreamland, then the real world we had just left behind.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Lena’s POV

 

 

At some point I must have given into sleep, and now I heard bodies move around me and quiet voices whispering as I tried to come back to reality.

 

 

 

“I see someone is finally awake,” a friendly female voice said.

 

 

I opened my eyes to see Sara and another young nurse fussing with Mama’s monitors and IV drips.  They both smiled at me and asked if I had slept well.  I gave them my patented Kundera dimpled grin and ran my fingers through my obvious “bed head.”  Though I guess sleeping in a chair one should really call it something else, but I had no idea what.

 

 

“What time is it,” I asked, trying to stretch out all the stiffness in my limbs.

 

 

 

“5:30 A.M.” Sara answered, with an evil wink.  “Lot’s to do before the shift change,” she said, as the two of them continued with their duties.

 

 

 

I saw the younger one was about to give Mama more morphine and I shouted out, “NO! Please.”

 

 

 

They both looked at me, not sure what to say or do.  They were, after all, required to follow Doctor’s orders, but I could see how conflicted they felt, knowing why I didn’t wish them to continue.

 

 

 

“Lena…Ms. Kundera,” Sara spoke.  “We have to give it to her.  It’s the Doctor’s orders.”

 

 

 

“I understand, but couldn’t we wait another hour or so and see if she wakes up?  You know she won’t, if you give her more.”

 

 

 

Sara turned towards the other nurse and indicated with a look, she would take care of this and wished for her to leave.  The young girl nodded her head in compliance and left the room, handing the syringe to Sara on her way out.

 

 

 

“Lena, you know better…”

 

 

 

“Yes, but I also know it won’t kill her if we wait another hour.  Please, what would it hurt?”

 

 

 

“One hour, that’s all.  Anything longer and there will be hell to pay,” she said, shaking the syringe and then pocketed it into her uniform.

 

 

 

“Thank you, Sara,” I said touching the forearm that held the syringe.  “Thank you,”

 

 

 

 

She smiled and promised she would make sure no one gave my Mother any more drugs for at least another hour.  And then she left the room.

 

 

 

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  Feeling I had finally won at least one battle today.  Sure it would lead to other good things as well.  I folded the blanket over the back of my chair.  Went to use the bathroom to relieve my bladder and wash the sleep from my eyes. I dried my hands and face and walked back into Mama’s room.

 

 

“Morning, daughter,”

 

 

I looked up and saw Mama smiling at me.  All thought and words escaped me.  I stood frozen, then rushed to her bedside and hugged her as best I could with all the tubes and wires running in and out of her poor, fragile body.

 

 

“Lena, careful,” she said, as I pulled back and checked to make sure I hadn’t hurt her.

 

 

 

“Sorry, Mama, it’s just…well you scared me.  I thought you would never wake so I could…”

 

 

She stopped me, taking my hand and smiling her weak, yet beautiful smile I knew so well.

 

 

“You knew better then that,” she said, shaking her head at me.

 

 

 

“Yes, Mama, or at least Bianca did.  She told me you would never leave us like that.”

 

 

 

“I’ve always told you she is a smart girl, your Bianca.”

 

 

 

“Yes, Mama…our Bianca is a very smart girl,” I answered, gently squeezing her hand, happy tears running down my cheeks.

 

 

 

“Where is our girl?” Mama asked, looking around her room.

 

 

 

“She had to be with, Miranda.”

 

 

 

“Yes, of course.  But you need to get her here, baby.  Both of them, we don’t have much time.”

 

 

 

My heart sank as the meaning in her words registered.

 

 

 

“No, Mama, we have lots of time,” I tried to convince myself and her.  But she smiled and squeezed my hand again, giving me that Motherly knowing look I knew too well.  Then she closed her eyes and made a deep sigh.

 

 

 

“I’m thirsty, Lena.”

 

 

 

“Yes, of course you are.”

 

 

 

I poured some water from the pitcher on the night table and handed it to her.

 

 

 

“Here, Mama,” she opened her eyes and took the glass into her hands.  Shaking as she tried to get the water down. She handed the glass back to me.

 

 

 

“Call, Lena, we don’t have time to waste, baby.”

 

 

 

I nodded and left the room with my cell phone, passing Sara on the way to the exit.

 

 

 

“What’s wrong, Lena?”

 

 

 

“She’s awake.  She wants all of us here,” was all I could say, as I slumped down the hall and out the exit doors.

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

Feed Back: Please feed the bard!

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------

Chapter 28-A  Goodbyes  (rated  PG-13)

 

 

Nurse Sara hurried to Paulina’s room.  She needed to know how her patient was feeling, and if there might be anything she could do for her.  She touched the pocket on her uniform that housed the syringe with the morphine in it, wondering would Pauline ask for this now.  She reached the door to the private ICU room and slowly entered it.  Her patient had her eyes closed, but she could tell by her breathing she was still conscious. She approached the bed, reached for Paulina’s wrist and checked her pulse.

 

 

“Lena said you were awake, Mrs. K., how is the pain?”

 

 

“I dare say you know how it is,” Paulina replied with a deep sigh.

 

 

 

“I have your shot…” Sara said, releasing her patient’s wrist.

 

 

 

“NO!  Please, not yet, I want – no I need to be lucid when I talk to my girls.”

 

 

 

“If you are sure.”

 

 

 

“Very -- I have endured worse.”

 

 

 

“I know you have, Mrs. K., but in less then an hour you will be enduring a great deal more pain, that is why we wanted to give you the shot now.”

 

 

 

“Understood, but we will wait, please.”

 

 

 

“Whatever you wish, but you buzz us when you need relief, ok?”

 

 

 

 

“Yes, thank you Sara. Oh, one other thing, all these machines.  What are they for?”

 

 

 

“You want to know if we are adhering to your DNR.”

 

 

 

“Yes,”

 

 

“Nothing here is keeping you alive, Mrs. Kundera, please be assured of that.  All of this is to make you as comfortable as possible, till the end and to monitor your heart.  Sorry,” the young nurse said, averting her eyes from her patient.

 

 

 

“For what?”

 

 

 

“That came out a lot colder then I meant it to.”

 

 

 

Paulina smiled and pressed her hand lightly on the young nurse’s forearm.  “You are doing fine, my dear. I’m not that sensitive.”

 

 

 

“Thank you,” Sara said, trying not to tear up from Paulina’s act of reassurance.  It was rare for her to allow herself to be moved by a patient, but she had taken care of Paulina during each of her stays and had developed a fondness for her and her daughter.  She had come to admire both of them very much.

 

 

 

“Mrs. Kundera…”

 

 

 

“Paulina, please, I think we have known each other long enough to get past the Mrs.”

 

 

 

“Paulina,” Sara said, with a smile.  “Does Lena know about your decision for the DNR?”

 

 

 

“Not yet, but I will tell her today.  I didn’t want to get into an argument with her, before I had to.  I am hoping she will take pity on me and let it go without a fight,” Paulina said with just the hint of a guilty smile.

 

 

 

“Evil, Paulina, I like that,” Sara smirked.  “Pure evil, and very much like something Lena would do, don’t you think?” The playful banter that Paulina and Lena enjoyed with one another was one of the many things Sara had come to appreciate when in their presence.  She found it rare for Mother’s and Daughter’s to get a long as well and Paulina and Lena did, and she envied it, having lost her Mother so early in her own life.

 

 

“I think you have come to know my daughter very well, Sara.  Just remember she is spoken for, though I can’t blame you for having a little crush on her. She is spectacular, is she not?” Paulina said with a playful wink.

 

 

 

“Yes, very,” Sara said, blushing more then she intended to. Especially since she had hoped no one knew she had a small crush on the allusive Lena Kundera. Not that she would ever do anything about it.  After all, it would take a fool not to see how much Lena and Bianca adored one another, and Sara was neither a fool, nor one who would ever threaten such a true and honest love as what these two shared.”

 

 

 

“I’m sorry I don’t have another daughter for you, Sara.  I know you would make her very happy if I did.”

 

 

 

“Paulina!!” Sara scoffed, giving Paulina a little playful tap on her arm.

 

 

 

“Oh please, let an old dying woman have some fun.  After all it has taken me years to come to terms with my Daughter’s “personal” life. At least now I can enjoy her and her lovely girl friend, and embrace their love for one another. I hope your Mother is as understanding of you.”

 

 

 

“Sadly, I lost my Mother when I was very young, Paulina, but I feel she is with me always and I think she loves me no matter what. At least that is what I feel.”

 

 

 

“I’m sure she does. Mmmm, Oh!” Paulina moaned, as the pain began to settle in and the morphine was wearing off. She tried to shift her weak body to stay the pain, but she didn’t have the strength.

 

 

 

“Sure you don’t want that shot now?”  Sara asked, reaching out to help Pauline shift her weight, until she acknowledged the new position she was in was helping with her discomfort.  “Better?”

 

 

 

“Yes, very.  And as for that shot, I’ll pass, for now.  I want to be able to hold my Granddaughter one last time and I won’t be able to if you drug me.”

 

 

 

“Child -- I didn’t know Lena had a child.”

 

 

 

“Yes a beautiful little baby girl. It’s a long story, but she was just returned to Lena and Bianca a few days ago. She is 8 months old and precious beyond words.”

 

 

 

“She is a baby, oh Paulina, it is against hospital policy to let babies and small children in to see the patients.”

 

 

 

“Well, then you will have to get me out of this bed and to a waiting room,” Paulina said, trying to work up the strength to get out of her bed.  But Sara stopped her.

 

 

 

“There is no way in hell you’re well enough to being moved…look, I will think of something.  I better go and see what I can set up.  I want you to relax and let me handle this, please Paulina?” Sara said, as she turned to leave the room.

 

 

“Please, Sara,”

 

 

 

“Don’t worry, Paulina, I will think of something.”

 

 

 

-----------------------------------

 

 

 

“Mother, I let you come with me, but I’m warning you…” Kendall said, before her Mother interrupted her.

 

 

 

“You’re warning me?” Erica scowled.

 

 

 

“Yes, Mother, I am warning you.  Don’t even think of saying anything snarky or cruel to Lena. She is going through quite enough without you being…well you.”

 

 

 

“Kendall, I have no intention of saying anything cruel to Lena.”

 

 

 

“Yes, but what you intend and what you do don’t necessarily end up being the same thing, now do they, Mother? Especially when it comes to Lena.”

 

 

“No, I don’t suppose they do, but I won’t have you speaking to me this way, Kendall. I am still your Mother.”

 

 

 

“Fine, just try and remember where we are and why, and try to act like a human being.”

 

 

 

“I am here because my Daughter and Granddaughter need me.”

 

 

“You are here, because you want to be here, Mother.  I swear, if you do anything at all to upset Lena, Bianca or Paulina, Jackson and I will hogtie you and throw you back onto this plane faster then you can flip your hair. Is that understood? If not, I will have the pilot send you back the minute we land. I am not kidding.”

 

 

Erica chose to remain silent. She knew she could, in the past, badger and manipulate her younger daughter, most of the time. But she knew, with Kendall, she had best let this go, or she wouldn’t be getting off the corporate jet anytime soon.  Kendall was becoming more and more like her everyday. And part of her couldn’t be more proud of that fact, but it also was proving to be quite frustrating.  Right now, she wanted to see Miranda and Bianca more then she wanted to win this fight. So she would remain silent…for now.

 

 

Kendall crossed her arms over her chest and smiled.  Realizing she had won this round.  She knew, with Jack’s help, she could probably keep Erica under control. Or so she hoped.  Best of all they would be landing in Poland within the hour.  The wait was driving her almost as crazy as Erica.  

 

 

 

“What is the plan once we get there?” Erica queried.

 

 

 

“Jackson has made arrangements for a limo to be awaiting our arrival.  But things were very much up in the air when he and I spoke last.  He wasn’t sure if everyone would be at the hospital or not once we arrived.”

 

 

 

“But, didn’t you say Paulina had woken and they were all on their way to the hospital, when you spoke to him a little bit ago?”

 

 

 

“Yes, but I don’t want to assume they will want us to come there. They may want us to wait at the house. Then come and get Miranda later.”

 

 

 

“That is ridiculous. Of course we will go straight to the hospital, if that is where they all are.  Then we will be right there when they need to send Miranda home for her rest. After all, that is why Bianca wanted you here, to help with the baby.”

 

 

 

“You are probably right, Mother, but we will do as they ask,” Kendall said, in her scolding tone.

 

 

“Yes, as you say,” Erica answered, resigned to do as Kendall and the rest decided. Not wanting to start another fight.  Erica knew this would be her last chance to make things right with Bianca, after all the wrong she had done before Miranda was born and after the baby had died.  Deep down Erica knew she would be lucky if Bianca or Lena even spoke to her, let alone let her come near any of them, especially Miranda.  She needed to keep reminding herself, she had not been asked to be here.  And if there was any hope of reconciliation, she best keep that in mind and be ready to eat a lot of humble pie.  Not a dish The Little Diva was used to on any day, but she knew was going to be served a great deal, once Lena and Bianca saw she was with Kendall.

 

 

---------------------------------------------------

 

 

Lena returned to her Mother’s room, once she had completed her call to get everyone here.  She sat beside Paulina and watched her try to swallow down her pain, as she had so many times before.  Lena was wracked with guilt, thinking she should call the nurses in and have them administer the morphine.  But she wanted her Mother to be able to see Bianca and Miranda once more, and she knew the shot would make her fall back to sleep, perhaps for good this time.  She reached out and stroked her Mother’s shoulder and then her cheek.

 

 

“Mama, do you want your shot?”

 

 

 

Paulina kept her eyes closed for now, trying desperately to will the pain away, until the others arrived. 

 

 

 

“No, Lena.  How long before they come?”

 

 

 

“Soon, Mama, Jack said he would wake them and get them here as soon as possible.”

 

 

 

“Oh, I thought you would call Bianca.”

 

 

 

“No, I didn’t want to startle the baby with a call, since they only went to sleep a few hours ago.”

 

 

 

Paulina reached for Lena’s hand that was caressing her face and held it tight.  “Always thinking, my sweet girl, I am sure Bianca would have agreed.”

 

 

 

The nurse Sara returned and stood beside Lena’s chair.  “Excuse me, ladies.”

 

 

 

Lena turned to look at the nurse, wondering what the problem might be.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry to intrude, but I have solved that problem, Pau…Mrs. Kundera, that we spoke of earlier.”

 

 

 

“What problem?” Lena asked, concerned that her Mother had discussed something with the nurse and not with her.

 

 

 

Paulina opened her eyes and smiled at Sara and Lena.  “Now, now Lena, it’s nothing for you to worry about.  What did you do, Sara?”

 

 

 

“Well, I convinced the Doctor and the nurses since you had your own private ICU room and were not in the open ICU ward, there would be little if any risk to other patients if your Grandchild were to come and see you.”

 

 

 

Paulina let out a deep contented breath, “bless you, Sara, I knew I could trust you to work a miracle for my little family.”

 

 

 

Lena grasping what the problem had been and what the nurse had done for them; stood and hugged Sara.  Thanking her for all their sakes.

 

 

 

“It was nothing, really,” Sara said, instantly missing the close contact of Lena’s hug.  But berating herself for even thinking that at such a time as this.  She had no designs on Lena, a crush yes, but she knew her place and would never cross that line.  Her feelings for this Mother and daughter were something she could barely explain to herself, let alone others.  But she knew she had to do everything she could to make this experience as painless for both of them as she could.  It was situations like this that made Sara become a nurse to begin with.  To help families deal with the pain and suffering, and not the patient alone.

 

 

 

“Are we interrupting?” Bianca asked, standing at the door and holding her daughter.  Wondering why her lover was hugging this nurse.  Jackson stood behind them and placed his hands on Bianca’s shoulders. 

 

 

 

“Interrupting, Lord no,” Sara said, startled to see Bianca and everyone standing there, staring at her.   “I was just leaving.”

 

 

 

“Thank you, again, Sara,” Paulina said; trying to make clear to Bianca there was nothing to worry about.  Sara excused herself and exited the room.

 

 

 

Lena rushed towards Bianca and her baby, embracing them at once. 

 

 

 

“Thank God you are here.”  Lena kissed Bianca and Miranda as she hugged them, silently thanking Jackson, and then led them towards Paulina’s bed. 

 

 

Bianca was trying to shake off the jealous feelings she was having, after witnessing the look Nurse Sara had on her face when Lena hugged her. She wasn’t a fool, she could see this woman had feelings for Lena, but then who could blame her.  Bianca knew, normally she wouldn’t even care; after all she trusted Lena implicitly. She also knew it had to be something totally harmless, but she was tired and drained from the last 24 hours, she wasn’t at her best.  She was in such an exhaustive state she didn’t even hear Paulina calling her name.

 

 

“Bianca,”

 

 

 

“Bianca,” Lena repeated.

 

 

 

“What?” Bianca said, finally registering her name being called.

 

 

 

Lena laughed and hugged her girl, before she reached for Miranda.

 

 

 

“Sweetheart, Mama wants to hold Mimo, besides you look like you are about to drop from lack of sleep.”

 

 

 

“Nonsense, I am fine,” Bianca said with her best angelic smile, handing her very sleepy daughter to Lena to give to the baby’s loving Grandmother.

 

 

 

Miranda made every baby fussing sound being handed from Mother, to Mother to Grandmother, before she was nestled in Paulina’s arms her head resting on the older woman’s shoulder.  Once content, she began to suck on her favorite thumb, her little eyes fading fast and heading off to sleep again. 

 

 

 

“I see our little girl didn’t get much sleep either,” Lena said

 

 

 

“She’ll be fine.  Mama, are you sure it doesn’t hurt to hold her,” Bianca asked, concerned about Miranda putting too much weight on Paulina.

 

 

 

“Bianca, holding Miranda is the best medicine I could hope for right now.”

 

 

 

Bianca smiled, linking her arm with Lena’s.  “I know what you mean,” Bianca said, remembering how it had felt to hold her baby after the difficult labor.  Nothing would ever feel that magical and wonderful again to her, well except when she held Miranda again, when Jackson returned her baby to her just days ago.

 

 

 

“Sit, you two, before you drop,” Pauline scolded.  The nursing staff has enough to do here, without taking care of my two very tired daughters, God forbid you both pass out.

 

 

 

“Yes, Mama,” Lena smirked, turning to help Bianca into her chair and then sitting on the other.

 

 

 

“Jackson, I’m sorry we don’t have a chair for you, but…”

 

 

 

“No, Paulina, that won’t be a problem.  I am going to leave you ladies for now.  I just wanted to be sure everyone arrived here ok and to see you again.  But I would like to give you a kiss goodbye, before I leave, if that is alright,” Jack said, with a roguish grin.

 

 

 

Paulina blushed, “I would be devastated if you didn’t,” she said.

 

 

 

Jackson approached her bed, leaned in and kissed her sweetly on her cheek before he whispered “it’s been a pleasure and an honor, Paulina” then turned, said his goodbyes and left the room to wait for Erica and Kendall to arrive.

 

 

 

“Bianca, your Mother best take very good care of that wonderful man, or I will haunt her from the grave.”

 

 

 

Both she and Lena laughed at the thought and assured their Mama they would personally see to it, Erica would appreciate Jack for the wonderful man he was.

 

 

 

Silence then filled the room, as Lena and Bianca held hands, watching Paulina hold and study every beautiful feature of their baby girl.  They could see her pain come and go, but they knew she needed this time with her Granddaughter.  So they said nothing and would wait quietly till their Mama would relinquish her charge to her Daughters.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

Kendall and Erica had finally arrived, made it through customs and had their luggage put in the limo, by the driver.  As he loaded the car, Kendall took her cell phone and called Jackson.

 

 

 

“Kendall,”

 

 

 

“Yes, Jack, we have arrived,” Kendall answered.  Erica signaled her Daughter to give her the phone, but Kendall held her hand up signifying no.  “Oh, ok, we will wait for your call,” and with that, Kendall closed her phone.

 

 

 

“Why didn’t you let me speak with him, Kendall?”

 

 

 

“He was at the hospital, Mother.  He needs to call us back.  You know they don’t let anyone use cell phones in the hospital.”

 

 

 

“Oh, but he will call back?”

 

 

 

“Yes, of course, Mother, he has to tell us where to go to next.  So why don’t we get into the limo and get comfortable?  I am sure he will call back any minute.”

 

 

 

And so the Kane women entered the limo and waited for the call.  Kendall grabbed a cold bottle of water for her and her Mother, from the mini bar, sat back and relaxed.  It had been a long flight for both women and very nerve wracking, once they both learned they had to get to Poland as fast as they could.  Then the cell phone rang.

 

 

 

“Jack….yes, I can hear you fine.  Where, oh, ok the hospital it is then.  How is everyone?  Understood….look Erica would like to talk to you too,” Kendall said, handing her phone to her Mother.

 

 

 

“Sweetheart, how are you?  How is my baby girl?  Well, we will be there soon.  Do you think she will see me, Jack?  Alright, I won’t push, I promise.   Kendall and I will just wait and see what we can do to help.  Fine. See you soon.” Erica closed the cell phone and handed it back to her Daughter.

 

 

 

“”Ready?” Kendall asked, giving Erica a knowing look.

 

 

 

“As much as I will ever be,”

 

 

 

“Good, then let’s do this, and remember…”

 

 

 

“I know, behave like a human,” Erica said, looking out the limo window, praying she would be able to be what everyone needed her to be at this moment.

 

 

 

“We’re going to the hospital, driver,” Kendall ordered, the driver nodded, started the car and headed towards their destination.

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

Feed Back: Please feed the bard!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 28-B   Goodbyes  (PG-13)

 

 

Miranda began to wake from her mini nap in Mama’s arms and was becoming more then my Mother could handle in her weakened state.  Bianca rose from her chair and went to remove our restless child, while Mama used her last ounce of energy to sit up just enough to pull our baby to her lips and give her one last kiss goodbye on her sweet little forehead.  Miranda, surprising all of us, reached out with her own little arms and hands, cupped Mama’s face and kissed her back, then her little lips began to quiver and pout as if she knew in her own little heart they would never see each other ever again. This heartbreaking scene was almost more then I could stand, covering my mouth with my hand, I fought to keep the tears from coming. 

 

Bianca held Miranda tight to her chest whispering assuring words to our little princess, trying to calm her tears.  Bianca had told me Miranda or Beth as she had come to be known, had always been able to sense the intense feeling of others and would try to console them.  Not a surprise to me, it was after all one of her Mother’s more dominant traits, and one I always admired her for.

 

Mama thanked Bianca for letting her hold Miranda, after reluctantly relinquishing the beautiful child she would never live to see grow up and become as marvelous a woman as her two loving Mothers.  She leaned back onto her bed, breathing a deep sigh.

 

“I’m going to take Miranda to Jackson; he has all her baby supplies.  I need to feed her and see if she needs to be changed,” Bianca said. I could tell she was having as difficult time as were Miranda and I in holding it together, but some how she did.

 

“That’s fine, dear.  Lena I want you to go with her and help her.  I will be fine until you both return.”

 

“But Mama…”

 

“Please, Lena, it’s what I want.”

 

I knew better then to argue; besides I also knew Mama better then anyone.  Her eyes were not only filled with the impending loss of her grandchild, but the physical pain that was becoming more and more evident.  I sensed she wanted this time to try and pull herself together one last time.

 

***

 

Once her girls had left the room and Paulina knew the door was tightly shut, she let the tears begin.  She didn’t know which was worse, the physical or the emotional pain she was experiencing. The cancer was wreaking havoc on her fragile body, but the emotional strain was proving to be almost more then her heart could bear.  The harder she tried to control her tears the worse they got, until she finally shook the crushing feelings of loss off and kept repeating to herself she had to be strong.  Strong for her girls and for herself.  She wasn’t going to leave Lena and Bianca with the image of her weeping and feeling sorry for herself.  She had lived a proud life and would die with pride and strength as well.

 

***

 

Bianca, Miranda and I made our silent walk down the hospital corridor, coming to the waiting room finding not only Jackson there, but Kendall and Erica as well.

 

“Oh,God, I knew she would come,” I heard Bianca sigh.  I had no idea she had called her sister, but I wasn’t surprised to learn she had.

 

Draping my arm around Bianca and our baby I whispered into her ear, “it will be alright, sweetheart.”  Bianca shrugged, “I’m sorry Lena, I only asked Kendall to come.”

 

“Don’t worry, Bianca, maybe it will be for the best.”

 

Bianca stared at me then said she hoped I was right.  The three of us then approached Jack, Kendall and Erica.  I made the first move, offering my hand in peace to Erica, welcoming her and thanking her and Kendall for making the long trip to be here for Bianca, Miranda and I, and of course my Mother.  Erica surprised all of us and instead of taking my hand moved to hug me and tell me how sorry she was, and how she and Kendall would be here to help in any way possible.

 

I stood shocked for a second or two, than retuned the hug for this petite woman who had for so long been my fiercest foe.  None of that mattered now, it seemed and with no further words between Erica and me we buried the past, at least for now.

 

As Erica and I made our new found peace, Kendall rushed to her sister’s side to fuss over her and little Mimo.  Making a quick smile in my direction, letting me know she was here for me as well.  I returned her smile and mouthed a “thank you” until Erica finally released me, waiting to see what Bianca would do.

 

“I missed you, Binks, and this precious baby so much.  How are the three of you holding up?” Kendall asked, hugging both of them as tight as she could.

 

“Moment by moment,” was all Bianca said.  Struggling like the rest of us to hold it together.  “Thank you for coming, Kendall.  It means a lot.”

 

“Where else would I be, baby sis?” She then ended the hug and held out her arms to take Miranda.  “Binks, I’m here to help.  Let me take care of this sleepy and hungry baby girl and you two get back Paulina.”

 

“Yes, we should get back,” Bianca said, handing Miranda to her sister, never looking in Erica’s direction. “Thanks for…well, just thanks.”

 

“No problem, it’s what big sister’s are supposed to do.”  Kendall held Mimo to her chest and rocked the little girl, as the two sisters communicated with their eyes only from this point on.  Bianca brushed her hand over our baby’s back and then turned towards me and reached for my hand.  She and I began our walk back to Mama’s room when we heard Erica call out, “Bianca,”

 

Bianca squeezed my hand, stopped for a second not turning to look at her Mother, but instead only answered her, “thank you for coming Mother,” and then she pulled my arm around her waist and we continued towards Mama’s room.  Leaving Erica, Kendall, Mimo and Jack in silence.

 

***

 

Officially I was off duty, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Paulina.  I had seen Bianca and Lena leave her room with the baby, and I wanted to be close by until they returned.  Just incase she called out or needed someone.  I stood just outside her room and heard the poor woman finally give in to her fears and pain.  But I knew she wouldn’t want anyone to witness her one weak moment, so I waited until I heard the silence return.  I then entered the room and went straight to her bedside, busying myself with checking the IV’s and such, as I listened to Paulina’s breathing. 

 

Her right arm was covering her eyes, the breathing much more labored now.  I took her left wrist and began to check her pulse.

 

“Please, Sara, stop fusing.  It doesn’t matter any more.”

 

“How did you know…”

 

“It was you,” Paulina said, lowering her arm. “Your perfume and your touch, none of the other nurses are as gentle as you.”

 

I didn’t need to ask her how much pain she was in; her eyes told me everything I needed to know.  There is a very definite look in a patient’s eyes when it has reached the level of excruciating, and yet they try so hard to hide it.

 

“Still fighting the good fight, I see,” was all I could say to her.  I knew she would never take that shot until she had made her final goodbyes.

 

“Yes,” she answered, then turned her eyes towards the door. Lena and Bianca had returned and were frozen in the spot where they stood.

 

I excused myself and on my way out asked Lena and Bianca to follow me.  “Lena, your Mother is in a great deal of pain.  When you think it is time, just press the buzzer beside her bed and I will come and administer the shot.  There will be no need to search for me or another nurse; I will be here as soon as you buzz.”  They both understood nodded and returned to Paulina.

 

***

 

“Come you two, sit with me,” Mama said, patting each side of her bed.  Bianca went to her right and I sat on the bed to her left. We each took one of her frail hands and held them.  Her fingers were even colder now then before.

 

“Do you need another blanket, Mother?” I asked, but she tightened her grip letting me know she didn’t wish me to move.

 

“My brave and beautiful girls, I need only you,” she said, wincing as a pain shot through her body.  Biting her lower lip before she relaxed once more, looking deeply into Bianca’s eyes.

 

“Bianca, my dear child, you promise this old woman you will take good care of my daughter?  Love her and only her?”

 

“Yes, Mama, you have my word,” Bianca said, desperately holding back her tears.  “She is my life and always will be.”

 

“I know that child, and you are her’s.  Please promise me you two will tell Miranda about her Grandmother who loved her, but only knew her for a short time.”

 

“Of course we will,” we both answered.

 

“And please don’t let her forget about her other home here in Poland, once you return to the States.”

 

“I’m not sure we will return to the States, Mama,” Bianca said, clearly taking both Mama and I by surprise with this admission. “But, no matter where she grows up, I promise you she will know of the very special world her Mother and Grandmother came from.”

 

“Thank you, Bianca, everyday we have spent together has shown me more and more why my Lena had no choice but to fall in love with you.  You have a kind and gentle heart so full of love.  And your precious baby girl has inherited all those qualities from you and more.  The two of you are going to make our Lena the happiest woman I know.”

 

A single tear fell from Bianca’s eyes, as she held Mama’s hand to her chest.  “Mama, Miranda and I are the lucky ones.  You Kundera women have given us more love then we could have ever hoped for.”

 

Mama smiled through her pain and turned to look at me.  My instincts were screaming for me to throw myself on top of her and some how hug all this damn pain from her fragile body. But instead I just held her hand, brushed her hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

 

“Lena, there are four things I need from you, my daughter.”

 

“Anything, Mama,”

 

“One, I want to be buried next to your Father.”  My heart was in my throat as her words penetrated my mind.  We had never discussed what we would do after she died, and now here we were with no more time.  I called on every once of control I still had not to breakdown, but to hear her final requests. 

 

“Yes, Mama,” was all I could get out of my mouth.

 

“Second, I want you to find a place you and Bianca can be married.  She deserves that, you both do and I won’t rest until I know you have done this for yourselves and Miranda.  Your love for each other is as real and true as that of any man or woman, and I want you to be able to celebrate it as it should be celebrated.  Please promise me, Lena.”

 

“I promise, Mama.  I promise I will make Bianca my wife, if she will have me.”

 

“Oh, baby, you know I will. You’re already my world.” Bianca and I leaned over Mama and kissed, and then we both very carefully hugged Mama and thanked her for her blessing.

 

“Thirdly, Lena, you have to promise me you will forgive yourself for your past, my sweet girl.  I know I have and it is time you do as well.”

 

“Mama, I don’t…”

 

“No Lena, it is time to bury everything from the past and move on.  It isn’t fair to Bianca, Miranda or you to keep it alive any longer.  Bury it with this damn cancer and embrace the happiness life has finally blessed you with. I forgive you, Lena, now it is time for you to forgive yourself. Please promise me.”

 

“I promise, Mama. Thank you,” was all I could say after waiting years to hear her say this. I was on emotional over load as we all were.

 

“What is the last thing, Mama?” I asked, having not a clue what it could be.

 

“This, my daughter, will be the hardest one I fear, but something we all must do.”

 

“What Mama?”

 

“Let me go, my darling Lena.  Let you Mother go. I’m tired, my sweet girl and want to rest.”

 

I felt her body sink even deeper into the bed as she made her final request.  Her hand released some of its grip on mine. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath I think of relief knowing she had held strong to the end to say all she needed to say. I looked at Bianca, begging for her support with what I had to do. She whispered the words “I’m with you, Lena.”

 

Bianca then leaned down and kissed Mama’s cheek, told her she loved her and always would.  Mama smiled and said she loved her as well. I let go of my Mother’s hand, cupped the side of her loving face with one hand while I pressed the nurse’s button several times with my other.  My cheek pressed against Mama’s and my lips next to her ear.

 

“I love you Mama.  You can let go now.  Find Papa, tell him I love him and miss him.”

 

“I will, baby…love you too.”

 

I never heard Sara come into the room, but as I was saying my goodbyes, she was beside Bianca, injecting the morphine into Mama’s IV one last time.  

 

I had no idea how much time had past, when I felt Mama let go of my hand.  Her breathing was labored and her eyes wide open and yet strangely empty for the first time in my life.

 

“She’s gone, isn’t she?” I asked my love.  Bianca didn’t answer. She moved to stand beside me now and wrapped her arm around me, leaning her head on my shoulder.  We both stayed like that for hours, watching over the body that had been my Mother, but whose soul had left her, before this poor tired body finally surrendered. 

 

At 10:14 P.M. Paulina Kundera, my Mother, lost her battle with cancer and left us with only our memories of a loving, generous and proud woman, a woman who would live in our hearts forever.

 

TBC

 

Stephanie   aka  The Diva

 

 

Chapter 29  Numb (Rated PG-13)

Perhaps I would have behaved differently if Bianca hadn’t been there by my side from the beginning to the end of this ordeal.  Or if her family hadn’t arrived to rally around us and pickup the slack for her and me when we so desperately needed them, but I guess I will never know.  All I do know is from the second I knew Mama had died my mind and body entered some form of dazed and barely functional state. It felt as if I were walking through water, voices and sounds all muffled and only vaguely clear.

 

 

Before we left the hospital I’m told, with Bianca’s help, we filled out and signed the papers for the release of Mama’s body to the local funeral home.  The two of us then road back to the house in our car.  Bianca drove while I stared off into the night, too tired to form even the simplest of thoughts. Part of my mind knew there were decisions to be made, things to be done, but I was past the point of dealing.  I wanted one thing and one thing only. To sleep in my bed and have Bianca’s arms hold me and make all the emptiness I was feeling miraculously fade away.

 

 

We eventually arrived at the house, Bianca helping the empty shell that was me out of the car. Once inside, we found Erica, Kendall and Jack were all still awake and waiting for us, sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, while Miranda slept peacefully in her new crib.  I was a coward and left Bianca to deal with her family, no longer having the energy to make small talk or answer well meaning questions. I needed…no longed to be alone.

 

 

I sat on the edge of our bed, removed my shoes and held my head in my hands praying the headache that had started hours ago would let up even if only for one freaking minute.

 

 

At some point Bianca thankfully had convinced the “clan” to leave.  Returning to their hotel, where we were all to meet for breakfast.  Bianca then came to our room, knelt in front of me and began to unbutton my blouse as best she could, with my arms in the way. I sighed and let them fall to my sides, my palms pressed against the bed in an effort to keep my body from falling back onto it.  Neither of us spoke as she undressed me, exhaustion and grief dominating our every thought. 

 

 

Once she had removed all but my bra and panties, she took my hand and walked us towards Miranda’s crib where she studied our sleeping child, embracing me as Mimo embraced her own peaceful slumber and her favorite stuffed animal. Bianca then helped me to bed, covered my weary body, and then proceeded to the bathroom to ready herself for bed.

 

 

Exhaustion had finally won out as I was a hair’s breath from sleep with my lover’s body pressed against mine and her words of love being whispered against my ear, her arms surrounding me with her love.

 

It was a long night, full of tossing and turning by me and endless interruptions for poor Bianca, tending to Miranda’s and my needs as each torturous hour crept by.  I don’t know how she stood it, but she never said a word of complaint the entire night.  The only true peace I found were the moments I felt her cool hand on my forehead, stroking it while she hummed some unknown song, moments that lasted long enough to lull me into one more brief slumber.

 

 

Finally morning came, my head pounding as I began to waken from my night of restless sleep. Bianca and Miranda were beside me, playing and cooing with one another. I tried to smile at both of them, but failed miserably.  I hauled my weary body off our bed and headed straight for the bathroom.  It was the first and only time I hadn’t kissed Bianca good morning upon waking, but I was still numb and any contact or communication was more then my brain or body could handle. I hid in the bathroom for over an hour. Showering for 30 of those minutes, trying desperately to get the hospital smells off of me. But no matter how hard I scrubbed, no matter what soap I use, they were still permeating my sinuses like some foul joke. Once I exited my sanctuary, I noticed Bianca and our baby had left me and the room.  I put my robe on and headed towards Mama’s old room, relieved to hear the sounds of Miranda and Bianca coming from our living room, again allowing me to avoid interaction with my family.

 

 

Entering “the room” I had spent so many months taking care of, laughing with, crying and loving the woman who had raised me and meant more to me then words could ever express. Suddenly I was on autopilot, finding myself grabbing a small wastebasket that had sat near her bed and began tossing her medications into it. The meds on her nightstand, her dresser, the ones in her bathroom and finally the “chart.” The damn chart I used to keep track of her endless medications.  It lay there on her dresser staring back at me…mocking me…I dropped the wastebasket and finally I picked the chart up, tearing it to shreds, my body shaking from the last once of anger and emotion I had left in me.  There was quiet and then… screaming…screaming that sounded like a dying animal. I didn’t know it was coming from me until I felt Bianca holding me from behind, telling me she loved me, trying everything she could to quiet my pain and rage.  But I didn’t want to be comforted. I didn’t want to “feel her love.” I didn’t want to “feel” anything. I pulled from her, walked towards the bed, collapsed onto it grabbing my Mother’s pillow, pulling my spent body into a defeated fetal stance.

 

 

“Go,” I begged.

 

 

“Lena,” she said softly, but then she said nothing more.

 

 

We didn’t speak, I heard her leave the room and make a call. A few minutes later I heard she and Miranda leave for the hotel.  I breathed a sigh of relief mixed with guilt and began to fall asleep with the sweet smell of my Mother’s perfume surrounding me.  If there was a God he would never let me wake from this nightmare, but take me as well and end this agony.   But that was an empty prayer I knew would never be answered.

 

 

I didn’t sleep for long, but thanks to the sleep and the previous cathartic screaming session, when I did wake I began to feel almost human.  I wasn’t going to break into a dance, but I no longer felt as if I was drowning and being held down by a ten ton anchor.  I decided to take another shower, dressed in my dark Armani pants suit, made the bed and had a few pieces of dry toast and coffee.  Little B was rubbing against my legs and mewing for food, so I gave her a saucer of milk and opened a can of her favorite tuna. The smell of the tuna almost sent me back to the bathroom to hurl, but I suppressed the urge.  I poured myself another cup of coffee, retired to the living room and waited for everyone to return from the hotel.  I re-read the note Bianca had left for me, saying Jackson had made an appointment with the local funeral home for noon today, to choose the coffin and make all the other arrangements. They would return at 11am to pick me up.  At some point I set the coffee down and sat staring aimlessly into space, a fresh wave of helplessness, moving over me.

 

 

As I sat there waiting for the Kane/Montgomery clan to return, I started to come out of my daze, and began to wonder how upset Bianca was with me right now.   I felt badly for the way I had behaved towards her, but I was sure if anyone could understand my actions it would be my Bianca.  I felt so void of both love and passion. Love and passion, what bizarre concepts they seemed to me now. I was running on empty and these thoughts suddenly had me remembering films I’d seen and stories I had read; concepts that seemed so foreign to me now. Stories where people actually craved sex as comfort after someone died? I realized I had never really thought about my reaction to such feelings or emotions manifesting themselves that way until now, but they were causing chills to run through my body.  I sat with my arms wrapped tightly around my upper body as the only intimate need I was feeling was to hold Bianca’s hand or feel her arm wrapped around my shoulders.  Anything more seemed almost obscene.  An affront to my Mother’s passing.  I had to finally admit to myself, in so many ways, this entire excruciating experience had left me feeling emotionally raped. And how could I explain that to Bianca without making her feel I was belittling her experience with Michael. But it was how I felt. And I wanted to make those feelings stop, but I had no idea how or if I could.

 

 

“Lena,” her voice said, interrupting my internal battle.  They had all arrived and she stood holding our child, her family behind her.  Everyone was staring at the crazy woman on the couch. Waiting for her to speak…or snap…or both. I, the crazed woman was paralyzed, waiting for someone to tell her what to do next. 

 

 

TBC

 

 

Stephanie   aka The Diva

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 30  Responsibilities  (Rated PG-13)

 

 

 

Bianca’s POV:

 

 

When we entered the house it was obvious Lena was holding on by a thread.  I whispered to my sister to take Mother and Jack to another room and wait for us.  She quickly and quietly ushered them out to the kitchen.

 

 

Lena continued to stare at Miranda and I, she seemed to be waiting for me to say or do something, though I had no idea what that might be.  We took the seat next to her on the sofa, Miranda reaching out for her, but Lena seemed hesitant to hold her.  Then suddenly she took our baby girl into her strong and loving hands, bringing her lips to Miranda’s tiny ones and kissed her, embracing her to her chest as she rocked her and whispered soft words in her native language to our little angel.  Miranda rested her head on Lena’s shoulder, gently patting her with her little hand, as if to say it would be alright.

 

 

I left the two of them like that and headed for the kitchen.  I felt Lena needed this time alone with our baby.  Time to let her feel a simple and uncomplicated love, that only a child could offer at a time such as this.

 

 

“How is she,” Erica asked.

 

 

I didn’t answer.  It was clear to everyone how my beloved was.  She was devastated.  I poured myself a cup of coffee and joined the rest of them, as we all sat in silence around the kitchen table.

 

 

After a few strained minutes, Kendall spoke, “should we get something from Paulina’s room for…you know…for them to dress her in?”

 

“I guess, or maybe not.  I’m sure Lena would like to choose that.  Oh God, I don’t know!” I put my coffee down and began to rub my forehead.  My headache was getting worse, not knowing what to do or say to help.  I desperately wanted to make this as easy for Lena as possible, but I had no experience in such matters.  Sure I had lost my Father, but it wasn’t up to me to make the arrangements as it was for Lena now. All I had to do was grieve.

 

 

“Sweetheart, you and Lena aren’t alone; we’ll get you through this.  Jack and I have had to do this before.”

 

 

“Thanks Mom, maybe we should go without her and take care of the arrangements and let Miranda and Lena stay here.”

 

 

“No, this is my job, I’m ready to go.” Lena said, standing in the doorway holding Miranda who was now sleeping in her arms.  “Kendall,” she said, indicating she wanted my sister to take the baby.  Kendall looked to me first and then rose to take our baby and put her in her crib.

 

 

“Lena,”

 

 

“It’s ok, Erica, I would appreciate it if you and Kendal would stay here and take care of Miranda for Bianca and I, while we go with Jack to the funeral home.”

 

 

“Yes, of course.  Whatever you need.”

 

 

“Thank you.  I’ll get her clothes and then we can leave,” she said, walking towards her Mother’s room, leaving the rest of us speechless.

 

 

“Go,” my Mother said, pushing me towards my lover as she left the room.  “She needs you,”

 

 

 

“Are you sure?” I asked, not certain if that was what Lena really wanted or needed.

 

 

“Trust me,” those words coming from “my” Mother normally would have made me shudder or laugh in the past, but something in the tone of her voice told me this was one time her life experiences were a better judge of what Lena needed then my limited ones did.  I mouthed a quick “thank you” and left to join my love.

 

 

“Lena,”

 

 

“Yes, Bianca,” she answered, not turning to look at me, but continuing to gather the clothes and shoes for her Mother’s burial and placing them into a garment bag.

 

 

“Can I help?”

 

 

 

“You are, Bianca,”

 

 

 

“How?” I said, confused by her answer.

 

 

 

“By being here,” she said, zipping the bag and finally turning to look at me.  “I’m sorry,”

 

 

 

“For what?” I asked, confused now more then ever.  “You’ve done nothing to be sorry for.”

 

 

 

“Yes, I have, but you are too sweet to say so.”  She put the bag down on the bed and came towards me. Standing before me, she cupped my face with her warm, strong hands and ran her thumb over my lips.  Staring so deep into my eyes I thought for sure she could see straight into my soul.

 

 

“Thank you, my love,”

 

 

 

“For what, Lena?”

 

 

 

“For loving me…for loving…Mama.  For being you,” tears fell from her eyes before she kissed me and hugged me tighter then I ever remember.

 

 

“You’re my life Lena, how could I not?  And your Mama gave you that life.  How could I not love her as well?”  I could feel her body begin to shake as she began to give into her tears.  I didn’t want to make her cry anymore, so I held her and stroked her back until we both regained our composure.  We broke our hug, kissed once more and then she gathered up her Mother’s things and we headed for the funeral home with my Uncle.

 

-----------------------------------

 

 

Lena’s POV:

 

 

On the drive over, certain things began to come into focus for me.  There wouldn’t be a viewing for Mama. I had always hated those damn things and had said all the goodbyes I could stand for a life time.  Besides we no longer had any relatives in Poland. So I just couldn’t see the point? As for the relatives in Chicago, they would never be able to afford the trip and waiting for them to arrive, even if I paid for their flights, would delay things for days.  I just couldn’t stomach the thought of dragging this out any longer. So a quiet burial at Papa’s, and soon to be my Mother’s grave site, would be the extent of it.

There would be no need to pick out a headstone, my Father’s was meant for both he and My Mother.  Only the name and dates would need to be added to her side of the stone.  

 

 

Once we made it to the Funeral Home, Jack and Bianca helped me pick out the casket, truly one of the most grotesque chores anyone could ever hope to perform.  I promised myself at some future date, I would take care of all such details for my own death, to spare my beloved this ordeal, when my time came.

 

 

The three of us sat with the funeral director, a pleasant man in his late 40’s, soft spoken and reassuring in both his manner and speech.  I gave him Mama’s clothes, but stressed there would be no viewing.  I wanted the funeral to take place as soon as possible and gave him the information on the burial site.  He assured me since everything was in order; they could arrange the burial for tomorrow at 11:00 A.M., if that met with my approval.  I agreed and he asked us to come to the home by 10:00 A.M, being it was a long drive to the grave site from here. We would all meet and follow the hearse to the burial site.  He then asked about a priest or minister for the burial, I told him there would be none, just the family.  Mother and I hadn’t been practicing Catholics for years; I saw no need to fall back on old “habits” just for appearances.  Then he asked if any of us would like to speak at the grave site.  I told him I would and if Bianca or anyone else wanted to they would as well. 

 

 

We completed our business, agreeing on the terms of payment and left to return home to the others.  Bianca, who had been holding my hand this entire time, helped me up from the chair, out to the car, never once letting go as we road in the back of our car with Jackson driving us back to our house.  I rested my weary head on her shoulder, closing my eyes and hoping this ordeal would soon come to an end.

 

 

Upon our return, Erica and Kendall had proven once again to be a blessing, taking excellent care of our baby girl. The three of them were sitting on the living room floor playing patty-cake.  A moment, even in my depressed state, that would not soon leave my memory, and made me smile if only for a second or two.  After all it isn’t everyday you see an Industry Mogul and Diva, like Erica Kane, sitting with her Grandchild, laughing and enjoying such a simple pleasure. 

 

Bianca, Jack and I excused ourselves to the kitchen table to write and make all the arrangements for the obituary in the paper and to contact Mama’s attorney about what little estate she did have.  Fortunately the man was fluent in English, so I decided to relinquish this task to Jack, after much pleading from both he and Bianca, and excused myself for a much needed nap. 

 

I didn’t bother to undress, my body proving to be too tired as I collapsed onto the bed.  It wasn’t long before Bianca joined me.  I sighed as she laid her head on my shoulder and draped her arm over my stomach.  Nothing gave me the peace I longed for, more then my love or that of our wonderful baby girl in my arms.  We both relaxed into each other’s form and found the first restful sleep since this nightmare had begun.

 

It was hours later when we both awoke.  Early evening was upon us and Bianca and I were both feeling the need for some food.  My stomach was making unruly noises as we both brushed our hair and tried to make ourselves look presentable once again.  Bianca smiled at me as my stomach continued to announce its need for nourishment.  She came to my side, kissed my cheek and took my hand, leading me towards the kitchen.

 

We found her clan in the living room.  Jackson was reading our evening paper, that had been delivered, and Erica and Kendall we watching TV with Miranda.  They looked up from the activities and smiled at us as we entered the room.  A small warmth came over me as I realized at last, these people were my new family now and it felt good knowing that.  Bianca squeezed my hand before she spoke.

 

“Lena is hungry and so am I. Have the rest of you already eaten?” she asked.

 

“Only, Miranda, sweetie,” Erica answered with a smile.  “We were waiting for the two of you.”

 

“I’m sorry we kept you waiting, but I can promise you a wonderful meal at a small family owned restaurant near by,” I answered, hoping they would enjoy some local cuisine.  Kendall offered to stay behind and watch Miranda, but I assured her I wanted our baby girl with us. This time I drove as everyone else squeezed into the car. 

 

The food pleased everyone, as Miranda sat on my lap for the better part of the evening, both she and I playing with my food and each other. I did manage to eat something, but as the evening went on my thoughts returned to my feelings of emptiness once again. Bianca seeing the pain returning to my eyes, she took Miranda and gave her to Kendall to hold.  Then she slipped her delicate hand into mine, once more, as she had all day.  Gently squeezing it so I would know she was there.  She was my rock and no words were needed to be said between us to let her know how much I loved her and needed her.  It would prove to be a quiet meal for the rest of the evening, with everyone avoiding the topic of tomorrow’s main event, Mama’s funeral.

 

TBC

 

Stephanie  aka  The Diva

 

Previews:  Paulina’s Funeral and a tiny miracle to help Lena and Bianca to move on.

 

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