My Darling Lena

Author: tvdiva33@runbox.us aka Stephanie/ The Diva

This story takes place in the present, but my present, not McT’s. This is what should be happening in my opinion, until these two souls can be reunited. Love letters – emails sent to one another to keep their love alive. Letters to help them keep their sanity during a trying time. To quell the endless loneliness and longing they feel.

Feedback- One can never live in a world alone. Yes please to help me keep my sanity.

Disclaimers: AMC and ABC own the rights to the characters portrayed in this story. Bianca and Lena are not mine. I borrow them now to dedicate this story to Olga and Eden who brought them to life and will continue to in our imaginations, though Olga has left us for now. They were two ah inspiring talents who brought a magic into our lives for a short period of time and a light into our hearts. And with a little help from the Gods and my blessed muse, I hope to keep the work and creations of these two women and the love they share/shared alive.

My stories will always run towards the R to NC-17 ratings. Some may be PG-13, but most will be R for language and sexual content. The NC-17 chapters will always be clearly marked as such and come with a warning. Whether there will be any NC-17 chapters for this story is yet to be determined.

Chapter One The Pain (rated R)

My Darling Lena,

How are you, my beloved? God I miss you every minute of everyday. I worry about you and how you are doing with your Mother and her condition. Is Paulina suffering or have the Doctors gotten everything under control? Are you both settled in now? Have you found all the care she needs? Do you fill your days with things to help her, my love? Do you spend any time for yourself and what you need? That’s a silly question, I know you don’t, because that’s not who you are. You worry about her day and night, don’t you my love? And when you aren’t worrying about her, I know you worry far too much about me. I feel it, you know. I feel your love, your concern and worry for me. I know you sit there as you read this wondering, when will she tell me how she is doing. How am I doing? How am I doing? How do I answer that, Lena? I suppose I could lie to you and tell you not to worry. I suppose I could lie to you and tell you all is well. But you would know – no, you already know what the truth is and what the lies are, don’t you? You love me, my beloved, and you know how I am by every word I do and do not say, don’t you? Just as I know what is hidden beneath your silences as well. We both haven’t written one another till now, because we don’t want to burden the other. But I think you know me better then anyone ever has or ever will. So I won’t lie to you, Lena. You see, my love, you are the only one I can tell the truth to. The only one who will let me say what is buried deep in my mind, my heart – God my soul. There will be no secrets or meaningless platitudes when we write to one another. This is our lifeline, my precious love. The life raft we need to keep each other afloat till we can be together again. So I won’t tell you the empty lies I share with all the others who want to care, but will never really understand how I feel. And please, Lena, be as honest and open with me when you write to me as well, my beloved. No matter my personal battles, we need to share our joy and pain if we are to live with this separation. We mustn’t hide the good or the bad from one another. Please promise me that, my beloved. We must swear this oath to one another as well.

I don’t know how I am or where I am most of the time. Do you feel that way as well, as your day goes by? I dress myself and apply the makeup that will present the face they all want and need to see. Do you do that too, Lena, for Paulina? Their Brave Bianca - good Bianca - quiet Bianca and their Dear God don’t tell us how you really feel Bianca. I go through the motions, have the endless conversations with this person and that. I smile the obligatory smile, so they won’t see the pain, the emptiness, the excruciating longing I feel. Longing for what, you might ask, so many things, really and I know deep down you better then anyone knows what they are. But then even that passes. And from time to time I actually believe it myself. I hear laughter and then I realize it came from me. I forgot for a moment. I forgot about all that haunts me until I am alone in this room – my room - in my head. The energy it takes to reassure others that all is well. No, don’t worry about me, I’m fine, I tell them. And at the time I almost believe it myself. But I do it more, because I can’t stand the questions, the looks of pity. Or in the case of Adam and a few others, the looks of, here stands Bianca - the mad woman of Pine Valley, the crazed, bereaved woman who stole our baby. Those are the times I wish you were here. Lord, I could use my Lena – my brave protector when the Adam’s and Mary’s say their cruel and hateful words. But instead I smile sweetly and pray the moment will pass and perhaps and extra prayer I keep to myself in the hope God will strike them down where they stand. But I know better. What is that old saying, only the good die young? Lord have I not learned that to be true? People like Mary and Adam will out live all of us, if only to spread their own brand of pure spite and hate in this world.

I’m Sorry, Lena, as you can see I’m feeling a little raw today. So many strange things have happened in such a short period of time. And my only defense against the madness is Maggie and someone seems to have taken the Maggie I’ve known and loved and turned her into some vapid, empty, pod person I no longer understand. Ok, that might be a little harsher then it needs to be. But truly, Lena, she isn’t the best friend I’ve known and trusted these past two years. And I need her strength and love now more then ever, and all I seem to get are far away looks or mindless chatter. But enough about Maggie, I know there is no love lost between the two of you. Maybe I am just projecting my frustrations on to her, and expecting more then she or anyone can offer. But you, my love, you would be there for me as I would be there for you. Perhaps that is how the world is. The reason we search so long for that one person who knows us better then ourselves, that one person who would move heaven and earth for us and us for them. That one person, that soul mate, who would stand against man or beast to see that we are protected and safe in life. I had that with you, Lena, and I threw it away. And yet you forgave me and waited. Lord how you waited. I thank the Gods that you waited. For now, though we can’t be together, we still have each other. If I didn’t have you, even in this way I couldn’t face another day. I wouldn’t bother to get out of bed. So I thank you, Lena. I thank you for waiting and loving me, and for being my rock.

I sit here, Lena, alone in my mind, with thoughts of loss, so much loss. I ask myself, what could I have done to garner so much loss? What horrible things did I do to bring on so much pain and anguish into my life and that of the people I love? Like you, my beloved. Are we being punished for our love? Is it so wrong that we must be condemned to live without one another’s love and support? And Paulina, why must she be made to suffer as well? And my sweet Miranda, why – why? But then when I feel there is no more hope in the world I held Bess the other day, and all the pain seemed to vanish, Lena. So I try to concentrate on that and less on the pain and emptiness. God the emptiness.

I think I’ve said enough for today. I hope you will write to me soon, beloved, now that I have broken the ice for both of us. You don’t need to wait and see if it is too soon to burden me with your thoughts and concerns for Paulina or just the everyday existence that has a way of getting all of us down from time to time. So I await your response, my love. I love and miss you terribly, Lena. Know that neither distance nor absence from each other will tear us apart ever again. Only one thing could keep us from being together in time, that would be death and I have had more then enough of that to last me a lifetime with my Father, Frankie, Leo and now my darling baby. Dear God if you hear my prayers please keep my Lena safe. I couldn’t face another loss, and certainly not the loss of my beloved soul mate. So I pray that our Dear Father in Heaven will keep my sweet Lena safe from harm and bring you back to me soon. Sweet dreams, my love, I await your reply.

All my love,

Your Bianca

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Chapter 2 Lena’s response (Rated R)

My Beloved,

I’ve missed you as well, more then words can articulate, my love. You too seem to know me too well, my sweet Bianca. It is true; I hadn’t wanted to overwhelm you with all that has been going on here with my Mother and me since we arrived. But now that you have “broken the ice” as you say, I feel incredibly guilty and stupid for trying to protect you from more, and instead all I succeeded in doing was cutting you out in the process, like so many others in your life now. But that won’t happen again, my love. My precious, beautiful, Bianca I will take your oath with pride and I promise - no swear to you, that I will keep nothing from you any longer, just as you have sworn you will keep nothing from me. You might become overwhelmed by my new found attention, but I will email you without fail everyday from this point on. Don’t be surprised if it becomes several times a day, my precious. But don’t feel you must then email me as well or as often. I have longed, no ached to write to you. Call you and hear your warm, loving voice. But I was afraid it was too soon. Besides, to be honest I haven’t had much “me time” until now since Mama and I returned home. God, how I wish I could touch your sweet face, my love. Feel you now, but in some ways I do, you know - feel you. This feeling in some way brings me peace when I need it most. Can you feel me too, Bianca? I hope so? I pray you can. I want you to know I am with you always, buried deep in your heart and soul and I will never leave there. Not even when we are united again. A part of me will always be within you, as you are within me. But enough of this sappy shit, you will think I have become horribly soft and weak if I keep this up. *winks and grins*.

Before I jump in to the saga that is my life now, there is something remarkable I should wish to share with you. Something that might help to bring you a small sense of peace as it has brought to Mama and me. I need to tell you of a small miracle that happened here, just before your email arrived. About an hour before, I heard a sound. Like a small helpless cry or whimpering coming from the front door of our newly rented home. I went to investigate, and when I opened the door there sat the most darling, tiny, black kitten you have ever seen, my love. So small, that when I knelt down to pick her up, she almost fit in the palm of my hand. I held her for a few seconds, before bringing her into the house. I asked her if she was lost and she gave me the hugest of yawns you have ever seen. The poor little thing was so hungry and tired. So I brought her in, set her down on the kitchen floor, once I had put a hand towel down for her to lie on. She continued to yawn and clean herself while I poured some milk into a small saucer for her to drink. She poked her tiny, little head at it for a few moments then began to lick and devour it. I don’t think the poor thing had eaten in days. Once she finished two saucers of milk, she seemed to smile at me and I picked her up, cradled her in my hands and went to introduce her to Mama. She is completely black, Bianca, from the tip of her tail to the edge of her adorable little pink nose. Her fur reminded me of your thick, beautiful black hair, soft, shiny and oh so wonderful to the touch. And her eyes, my love, her eyes are the deepest blue I have ever seen. When she looks at me with them, it is as if she can see straight into my heart, my love, just as you do, when you look at me with those deep, penetrating brown eyes of yours. She stole my heart, Bianca, the second she looked at me, just as you did. Mama noticed it too and we laughed when I brought her in and placed her on the edge of Mama’s bed. She said I should call my little, precious new friend, Bianca. Look how she tilts her little head like your Bianca and her eyes have that soulful, warm caring glow about them, she said to me. That was when our little Bianca walked across Mama’s bed and sat upon her chest. It was as if she had been doing it all her young life. She nestled her little warm body on Mama’s chest and fell asleep. Making the warmest of purring sounds you have ever heard, as Mama stroked her beautiful, black coat. For a second I was concerned Mama might be taken aback but this sudden event, by our new little visitor. But then came the first peaceful smile that I had seen on her face, since we returned. It crossed my Mama’s lips as she and baby Bianca bonded and settled into one another. So you see, my beloved, I don’t know how you did it, but you sent a piece of your beautiful soul to me and Mama, and it is here with us now in the form of our little, furry, baby Bianca. She brought with her all your love, tenderness and youthful spark that lights a room every time you enter it. See, there are still miracles, my precious one. The Good Lord hasn’t forsaken or forgotten us. Life is harsh, but then when you least expect it a gift will enter your life and make at least a small part of it better, to make the rest at least bearable.

Now, let me address some of the things you said in your very moving email to me that left me concerned. First I should like to address what has been said and done to you by Adam and or Mary, and any other hateful creatures in Pine Valley. Though I know it will have no lasting effect upon these cretins, I wish I could be there to deal with their callus and cruel behavior and remarks. I can only imagine what was said. I do know that it must have been horrible for you to take the time to mention it to me. Proving these words and actions are far worse then I would even want to know. Bianca, might I suggest perhaps you would be better off staying away from the Chandler estate for now, and see if Babe could bring Bess to see you at a more neutral location. Or maybe I need to call Maggie and have a little chat with her. Lord knows she doesn’t have any trouble threatening to kick my sorry ass, anytime she feels I have done something to hurt or fail you in some way. I think I need to remind her to not leave those little, cast iron,
Stone balls of hers at home anymore when she is with you at these Chandler events. Pod person or not, she needs to either get her shit together, for your sake, or I need to come back and show her how it’s done. OK, I will stop with the Maggie rant now, but you know how she pushes my buttons and never in a good way. Just please think about what I have said. You don’t need or deserve any more harshness in your life, so please, my sweet girl, please try and avoid being around people who can and will hurt you at every opportunity. At Least while I am not there to ward them off. Just think about it. I would never presume to tell you how to live your life, Bianca, I just don’t want to see you hurt any more, by anyone or anything, if I can help it.

Oh, Bianca, I’m afraid I have to go for now, my baby. Mama is awake from her nap and I need to give her, her medications for the pain and make her some lunch. And baby B is up too, I see, and giving me that look that she too is expecting some food as we speak. So you see, my love. I have a house full of needy women, but I love them both as I do you. I know it is evening where you are and I hope you are taking care of yourself and eating well. I love and miss you terribly, my beloved. Write as soon as you can, I will be waiting for your every word. But more importantly, take care of yourself, please. Eat and sleep well, know that I love you, my darling girl, and I am holding you now even as I write this letter. Holding you in my arms and kissing your sweet lips goodnight. Good bye for now, my love, and know your Lena loves and cherishes you more then life.

Lovingly devoted to you,

Lena

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Yes please!

Chapter 3 Lena by my side. (Rated R)

My Darling Lena,

Green was my color last evening, once I read your amazing letter my dear. Green because you had baby B there to love and hold in your strong warm hands and I – well let’s just say there isn’t too much around here these days that makes me feel loved or warm. But I took care of that right after I read your letter. I rushed out to the Mall first thing this morning and then down town until I could find exactly what I was looking for. You sent me on a mission, my love, without even knowing it. Or maybe it was the same Power that sent you baby B that sent me out to find her too. I know one thing, there was to be no sleep for me until I did. I was determined to drive to any town or city till I found her. Now don’t be jealous, my love, she of course is not a human. After all how could I ever replace perfection such as you? No, I found baby Lena, or Little L as she is now known. She was in a small Ma and Pa pet shop in an obscure part of town, called “The Wee Ones We Love.” And old Scottish couple run the place, ergo the name. You would have loved them, my dear. And when you return, it will be one of the first places we must go together and see. But I digress. Little L is a sweet, sexy little Siamese kitten that saunters around my room with the attitude of a queen. She has your pride and noble bearing when she walks. And yes even that little hint of a sexy wiggle in her – well butt doesn’t seem quite the polite term for it, now does it? *grins* She is long, sleek and thin like you and her eyes. My God, Lena, those blue eyes, there is always so much going on behind those eyes. Just like my Lena. She’s smart and takes no shit from any stranger, especially Maggie, for which I’m sure you will be pleased to know. They have had but one brief encounter, but it was memorable to say the least. And the fact that she is named after you was the icing on the cake. Mags is convinced you have found away to continue to be a thorn in her side, even in your absence. Or claw as the case may be. LOL I shouldn’t take so much pleasure in this, but I must say there are so few things that make me laugh these days I will take what I can get. Besides, I will never understand Maggie’s intense dislike of you. It would make sense if she had been an ex-girl friend, but as my BF, I have never understood her jealousy of you, but I have given up trying.

My darling Lena, I am going to send this quick note off to you, so you will know I too have you in my life and arms again, as I snuggle here on my lonely – no less lonely bed now – now that Little L is in my life. I can kiss her little face and hold her close to my breasts and tell her all my truths that I would tell you if you were here. Don’t worry, my love, I will tell you too in all my emails to you as well. But now I feel like you really are here, if only just a little. In this warm little body I hold near to my heart, as I send this off to you. Watching over me and letting me hold you, care for you, and in some small way you caring for me too, by healing the emptiness of my heart. I’m sure there are those who would say, if they saw me or read this letter, I am being stupid or silly – or dare I say crazy. But I don’t care. You, my love – my life, you understand and that is truly all that matters. Isn’t it my love? So I will say good night to you now, as I am about to drift off to sleep with you in my arms. My laptop, Little L and you as my lifeline help me to find the peace I need to sleep. I love you, Lena – adore and cherish you, my love. Thank you and those Powers for bringing you closer to me once again; and for me to be closer to my love and her precious Mother, in the form of baby B. Give my love to Pauline and hold her tight for me too. We - each of us need all the love and healing we can find these days with each other.

All my Love,

Your Bianca

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back. Yes please.

Chapter 4 Mama (Rated R)

My Beloved,

Little L, huh? LOL And what was that remark about my “butt”? Ms. Bianca Montgomery, such language. *shakes head and grins* I had no idea you have been “studying” my walk or butt for that matter. Or has Little L brought out your frisky side? “winks* You just make sure you don’t share that frisky side with anyone but your real Lena Kundera. No trips to the Blue Angel, my sweet. Or you will have some splainin’ to do “Lucy” when I get home. All kidding aside, my love, I can’t tell you how happy it made me to learn you found Little Lena and brought her home to be with you. I will have to send her mental vibes on how to treat my lady, while I am gone and see to it she continues to keep Maggie at bay. *smirks* I must say I love her natural good sense and taste in people. I’m sure we will be great friends once we have the chance to meet.

But, enough about our little kittens, Bianca, I hate to be a downer, as you Americans say. But Mama had a really terrible day today and I hope you don’t mind, but I could really use a kind ear and share some of what we are going through here. And you told me not to keep things, good or bad from you, so here goes.

The day started out pretty much like most days. Mama didn’t sleep well, because of the pain. I have a new word in my vocabulary these days, due to Mama’s illness. Excruciating. They tell me it stems from the torment Christ suffered on the cross. Well, it certainly fits what Mama is experiencing much of the time these days. I’ve never seen anyone in such pain, as she is. I try to make it better with the medications they have given me to help her, but there are times nothing seems to work. Then she appears to drift off into her own world, in search of some form of peace and I can’t seem to reach her. But in time she returns and all is well for a short while. She finds it very difficult to get comfortable at times and other times it isn’t so much the pain that keeps her awake, as I think it is the fear of what is causing the pain. The Doctors are doing all they can do for treatment, but sometimes I think the treatments seem almost worse then the disease. She gets so sick and exhausted from it all. Plus she was so frail to begin with, now she is but a shadow of her former self with all the stress and illness and – well it is just taking a terrible toll on her. And I can’t seem to help her to fight against it at all. But then, unlike your Erica, my Mother was never really a strong woman. One of the many reasons I fought so hard for so many years to keep her safe. The reason I did things I’m not proud of and will have to live with for the rest of my life. But she was always a good and loving Mother to me and I wish I could give her the strength she needs now to fight this. But the doctors tell me it is just a matter of time. Not something a child, of any age, really wants to here. I don’t care how old we get we still need our Mother’s, especially daughters.

Oh God, Bianca, I shouldn’t be saying things like that to you now – now with your loss – your precious baby girl. And Erica running off and leaving you at a time like this. I wish I could find her and shake some sense into her. Tell her not to waste this time you two have. You never know what the future might bring. But I need to share this with someone and I pray you have the strength to hear it. But if I know you, my darling, you always have the strength to be strong for others, no matter what is going on in your life. Just one of the many things I adore and cherish about you. So I will pray that I don’t cause you too much pain in sharing my feelings in this matter.

As I said earlier, the day started off pretty much like most of our days. I had spent the night helping Mama with her pills and trying to help her get more comfortable. She would sleep for an hour or two and then toss and turn and eventually sit up and we would talk about the past to try and pass the time till she felt she could try and sleep again. Finally morning came. She, baby B and I all rose and tried to have some breakfast. B seems to be the only one of us with any kind of healthy appetite these days. She never leaves Mama’s side, when she is awake. But always joins me in my lap when I write to you and Mama sleeps. How I love the feel of her warm, soft body on my lap as I send these letters to you. The sound of her constant purring as it vibrates against my legs, gives me a small sense of peace.

I thought we might have a quiet day and I would read to Mama, but then later in the morning, her pain seemed to magnify without warning - about ten fold. She cried out and I did what I could with what I had from the doctors. I spent hours on the phone trying to get her help as I held her in my arms and she wept from the pain. I was at my wits end when they finally said I should take her to the nearest hospital and have her admitted. That is where we are now. I have her in a private room and am with her now as she is finally heavily sedated and sleeping. They tell me she will be out for the rest of the night and that I should go home, but I hate to leave her here alone. If she awakens and I’m not here I fear she will panic. But I have to admit I am beyond exhausted at this point and I think I will go home for a short while and get some rest. I brought my laptop with me when I knew we had to go to the hospital. I couldn’t stand the thought of not being close to you and within reach of you if you tried to contact me or me you. Forgive me, Bianca, I didn’t tell you what had caused her pain, did I? She had some internal bleeding, but they think they got it under control with the medication. If not and things worsen come morning they will have to operate. I pray that won’t happen.

I’m so tired, my love. I’m going to stop now and get a cab home and sleep for a few hours and hold you in my arms. Thank God I have baby B here. I need you and her now more then words can say. I know it is the middle of the night where you are, my love and you won’t read this for hours, but know that I love you and thank you for listening to me and being there for me. I will try to write soon and let you know how Mama is doing.

Thank you my sweet and loving girl for being there for me. I only wish you didn’t need to be and that none of this was happening. But life is a constant struggle and I thank God that at least we aren’t alone in our pain. Till later then, Bianca. Hopefully with the dawn of a new day my news will be better.

Lovingly devoted to you,

Lena

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Yes Please!

Chapter 5 Sharing her pain. (Rated R)

My Darling Lena,

Dearest love, what can I say to you that will alleviate some of your pain? What can I say to give you strength to endure the agony of watching your beloved Mother suffer so? Please tell me my love. I need to know what you need.

I was so excited to see you had emailed me while I slept. Then I read your letter and I cursed this damnable time difference that is just another separation for us. I’m sick of all the crap that keeps me from being there for you and Paulina, when you really need me. I’m so tired of feeling helpless and useless to what you need.

I slept not knowing your world had come crashing down around you and your poor Mother. I went to sleep with Little L tucked snugly in my arms and dreamt of us in better days. Our first date, do you remember, Lena? Myrtle acting as chaperon just to be sure this Lena Kundera wasn’t out to hurt her precious Bianca. God, how we laughed that night with you permitting Myrtle to sit there and tell her Carney stories, when all we had wanted was to be alone. But she was so incredibly funny and how you charmed her with your Lena ways, your Lena smile, laugh and eyes – and how you charmed me too. I think I started to fall in love with you, that evening. I know I will never forget how your eyes seemed to study my every move and word. Though that evening didn’t end with a kiss, in my dream last night it did. So I awoke with the first smile on my face in months. Little L was still nestled in my arms and sweetly purring as I rose from my sweet Lena dream. But then my wonderful dream came to an abrupt end. And I cursed myself for not knowing; not having some kind of sixth sense that should have told me you needed me and stopped my silly girlish dreaming. But then I thought, no my Lena needs me, she needs my love and support. I won’t be sorry for having fond memories of better days. Maybe you were dreaming of them too, because with all the hurt we have in our lives now, this was a gift, a break from all the pain and madness. I hope you did, my love, I hope you shared my dream of better days. If only for a few moments, you could find some peace and love amongst all the madness and suffering. And if you didn’t, think of it now, my love, and know we will share days like that again, when all the pain and separation is done.

Should I be on the next plane to Poland and join you now to help you through this crisis? Just tell me, my love, and I will do it. Let me be there for you. I will be there for you and Paulina, if that is what you need. What do you need Lena, just tell me, and I will make it happen.

I’m sure by now you are already up and have returned to the hospital. I pray your poor Mother doesn’t need to be operated on today. She has suffered enough, she doesn’t need any more pain and suffering in her life. Please let me know how she is doing. And Lena, please tell me how you are too. This has to be so terrible for you. I know how much you love your Mother. You have spent your life taking care of her and protecting her. Only to have it all come down to this, such a horrific illness robbing her of her life and you of your Mother. It just isn’t fair, Lena. It isn’t fair or right, but you and I both know from experience, few things in this world are. Please know from now on I will keep my computer on 24/7 so you might reach me. But know that you can call me as well. You don’t have to depend on email alone to contact me, my love. And don’t worry about me not getting enough sleep. Nothing is more important to me then you are, my love. If I never sleep till we are together again, then so be it. But I will be there for you when you need me again. I swear it, Lena. I swear it on our love. I await your response and am ready to leave in a moment’s notice, if that is what you need.

All my love,

Your Bianca

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back, yes please.

Chapter 6 Anguish (Rated R)

My Beloved,

I’m afraid the news isn’t good, Bianca. Morning came and so did the bad news that Mama’s bleeding is not under control, as they had hope. But they won’t be operating either, my love. No the Doctors tell me it isn’t worth it. Can you imagine, my sweet girl, telling someone their Mother isn’t worth taking the time to heal? Not because they can’t, but rather because they feel she will die anyway within days or perhaps hours, no matter what they do now. I shouldn’t let it matter or bother me, but of course it matters. I don’t care if they are Doctors, even they don’t know everything. They don’t know that the surgery couldn’t be the one thing she needs now to hang on to. The one thing God knows will keep her alive for weeks or maybe even months to come. How would they feel if someone told them they weren’t worth saving? Not worth the trouble. But I’m only her daughter. I’m only her family, the one who loves her and feels her every pain. But I don’t get to decide what is best for her. I have no fucking degree that says I get to decide if she lives or dies now or in the future. Who are they that they get to play God? Doctors, the ones who decide who gets to live or die.

I feel as if I am in some horrible Roman gladiator movie and the crowd has decided Mother has failed her test, her fight against this disease and she has lost her right to defend herself, her right to live. So her opponent takes his sword and runs it threw her chest. Silencing her cries once and for all, bringing her precious life to a sudden and meaningless end. God help me, Bianca. God help us both.

I’m sorry, Bianca, I had to walk away after my rant. I couldn’t burden you any more with my anger and frustration. Instead, I went to see these men, these Doctors again and I told them. I ordered them to take care of my Mother, to give her the care, the chance to live that she deserves. I told them that I didn’t value their combined opinion or assessment of her situation. And I would kick their proverbial asses if they didn’t take her to that operating room now and correct her problem and end her pain. Bianca, I even took hold off one of them, who tried to say no, and pushed his sorry ass against the hospital wall and looked him in the eye and said.

“Test my will, asshole, please. See if I won’t beat you down where you stand if you refuse me.”

Well needless to say, he didn’t. It was one of the few times in my life I was happy I am tall, strong and more then a little threatening when pushed to my limit. They operated on her a few hours ago and she is in intensive care now. Resting and the nurses tell me her vitals are strong. They also tell me they would have done the same thing, if it had been their Mother and they wanted to take me out later to buy me a drink. I think I made their day as well. I guess they have no more respect for these Doctors then I do. Though we all agreed they did an excellent job of the surgery. To bad they had their own hearts removed when they became doctors.

So pray for my Mother, Bianca. Pray she pulls back from this, that I made the right decision and didn’t just cause her more pain to bounce back from with the surgery. Pray she will be with us for many more days, weeks, and God willing months to come. Pray my sweet love.

Lovingly devoted to you,

Your Lena

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Yes please.

Chapter 7 The Plea (Rated R)

My Darling Lena,

My God, what a horrible situation, my love, but you must know you did what had to be done. And I know it is going to be the best thing for Paulina. I wish you would let me join you, Lena. I wish you would let me stand by you now and help you with everything you and Paulina are going through. You have to stop worrying about me. But I don’t want to talk about me now.

My love, my sweet Lena, you must tell me where to fly to, to join you in Poland. What hospital is your Mother in? Where is the town where you have your home? Please, Lena please let me help you. Please let me be your rock, let me be the support you need to get you and your wonderful Mother through this terrible crisis. I want to be there. I need to be there for you, as I know without a doubt if I were going through what you are now, you would without question be there for me. Besides, my love, this is worse. It is too painful to be here and feel as helpless as I know you are feeling with your Mother’s situation. I don’t want to feel helpless and I don’t want you to be alone. Maybe that is selfish, but we need each other Lena, and can be together if you let me. Unless you feel my presence would make it harder on you and if so I will respect that and stay here and be there for you in other ways. But I honestly believe I can be of help, my sweet lady. Please let me try.

I know I was neither emotionally or physically well enough to come with you, when you had to leave before. But I am now, Lena. I tell you, I am making peace everyday with the loss of Miranda. I know she will be in my heart forever and I know she is at peace, loved and in the care of people I have loved and lost. But your Mother is still with us, Lena. She needs all the love and support she can get to make this fight, to stand up against this relentless disease. And you, my beloved, you shouldn’t have to endure the stress and struggle of dealing with all this on your own. Please, Lena please let me share your burden. Let us work together to help Paulina find the strength and peace to live her life to the fullest for as much time as she and you both have together. I can take care of the mundane things that need to be addressed, so that you can concentrate solely on your Mother’s health and happiness. Please baby, you know I am right. Tell me how to reach you. To be there for you and I will be there before you know it.

Call me, Lena, call me and let’s discuss how I can help you and Mama get through this trial with dignity and love. Please baby. I love you, Lena. I love you more then life, please let me share your burden. Don’t do this alone, when there is no reason to.

All My love,

Your Bianca

-------------------------------------

A few hours later, Bianca’s cell phone rang. She was resting on her bed, playing with Little L. Desperately trying to think of anything, other then what Lena and Paulina were going through now. But she couldn’t. She prayed over and over for the phone to ring or to hear that wondrous sound, “You’ve Got Mail.” Anything, any sign that Lena had received her plea and was going to let her come to her. When the phone finally rang, she almost jumped ten feet from the bed. She grabbed her chest with one hand and the phone with the other. She looked at the caller ID and a smile broke over her lips. “Lena,” she whispered to herself and Little L. “It’s Lena, sweetie.” She smiled and told her little furry friend. She picked up Little L with her free hand and held her to her chest as she flipped open her cell phone and said,

“Hello, sweetheart,”

“Hello, beloved, how are you?”

“Oh Lena, you silly woman, there you go worrying about me. Don’t make me smack you, sweetie.”

“Is that your idea of foreplay, Bianca? I didn’t recall you having a kinky side to your personality. But perhaps you have changed since I left.”

Though the words were of a sarcastic and humorous nature, Bianca could hear the stress and exhaustion Lena was trying to hide with her banter.

“How is your Mama, Lena?”

Bianca’s sweet and caring tone was more then Lena could take. All the strength and resolve she had mustered to make the call and sound assured and carefree left her. She broke down and wept into the phone. Lord how she had missed and needed to hear Bianca’s sweet and loving voice. How it melted her heart and let loose a plethora of emotions Lena had been holding in for far too long. Bianca waited till she could hear Lena at least partially pull herself together enough, that she could even hear what Bianca might say next.

“Baby, I’m here, I’m not going to hang up or leave you, sweetie. It’s going to be ok. You cry and I will be here when you are ready to speak. I love you, Lena.”

“I know…” was all Lena could get out for now, as she tried to pull herself together.

Finally her crying jag ended.

“Please come, Bianca. I need you.”

Lena hadn’t meant to ask her lover to join her, quite the opposite, but upon hearing Bianca’s voice all her strength left her body. She needed Bianca as much as it seemed Bianca needed to be there for her. She didn’t want to fight it any more. This need, she was tired of being brave and strong. They had been separated for far too long this year, this year of one nightmare, trial or test after another. And had she not been the one who said she would tell Erica not to waste this time apart from her daughter, when you never know what the future will bring? What was she doing being apart from the love of her life, her soul mate when they could and should be together? She had no answers for that anymore. She wanted and needed Bianca there, and if the young girl needed to come she wasn’t going to stop her any longer.

“When can you leave?”

“Now, my love, I just need the info.”

“No, I will take care of it from here. It will be easier. I will contact you once I have the flight and all arranged. I’m so sorry, Bianca.”

“What for, my love?”

“For crying, I didn’t mean to…..”

“Shhh… please don’t you dare say you are sorry for having feelings, my love. I’m here for you. You don’t have to be strong for me now. This is my time to be strong for you.”

“Alright, if you say so, Miss Bossy,” Lena laughed. “I hate to run, but I have to. Mama is awake and I need to see how she is doing. I just came outside long enough to call you. I didn’t want to keep you waiting any longer. Thank you for your email, my love. It meant so much to me and to Mama when I told her. We love you, Bianca, and we can’t wait to see you.”

“I can’t wait to see you both, as well.”

“You need to know, Bianca, she looks very different. Mama – it is a little disconcerting when you see her for the first time.”

“Don’t worry, Lena, I will be fine. We will all be fine. Now go make those arrangements for me. I need to be with you. There is no more time to waste.”

“One thing, Bianca, who will be taking care of Little L? Certainly not Maggie?”

“No, not Maggie, Reggie and L have bonded, so I will have him look after her. Not to worry.”

“Good, I didn’t want Maggie traumatizing her while you were gone.”

“You’re evil, Lena.”

“Yes, I know, but you love me anyway. Don’t you, Miss Montgomery?”

“Yes I do, Miss Kundera.”

“Good, then I will call you soon. It might be very late.”

“Don’t worry, call me anytime. I’ll be here.”

“Alright, later then, my beloved,”

“Yes later, my love.”

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Yes please.

Chapter 8 Travel Plans (Rated R)

My Beloved,

Please forgive me for not calling you with this information, but I needed to get this to you in a hurry and I was afraid if I tried to call you again – well, I wasn’t sure I could maintain my composure long enough to carry on a conversation with you and give you these details. I am barely holding on here emotionally, Bianca, and I have to admit hearing your beautiful voice just turns me to mush now. But we will be together soon and will have endless opportunities to speak. So again, my love, please forgive me for being such a coward and not calling you. At the end of this email I will give you all the flight information you will need and with any luck I – no, we will be seeing you within 48 hours or less, if you take the time difference into consideration. I, of course, will pick you up at the airport upon your arrival. God how I long to hold you in my arms again. Funny, it seems we are always having our most emotional moments at airports. But such is modern life.

Mama is so thrilled you are coming, I think mostly because she is glad you will be here to help keep me from falling apart. Even though I haven’t yet, well - not in front of her. The nurses have been privy to some of my less then dignified moments of late. But they have been wonderful in so many ways, some of which I will go into more detail once you are here. But Mama knows me well enough to know that I am just holding it all in. I know everyone thinks I am this incredibly strong person, and yes professionally I am. But they don’t realize, even the strongest person has to be able to let go or we will just snap in time. Besides, it just isn’t the same thing, when the situation you are trying to be strong about, is the fact your Mother is dying and she is in the most excruciating pain of her life. Now if it was me who was ill and in pain. I could handle it, and be strong and endure. But as it was with what I had to see you go through this year – well, it very simply kills me to see the people I love in any kind of pain and I have no control or ability to help them to deal with it, besides being there and giving them my love. And that is not enough in times like these. But it is all I have to offer. So I thank you Bianca, for letting me know I can be myself with you and not have to be the Iron Maiden everyone expects me to be in difficult situations. I’m not feeling very strong or cold these days, in fact quite the opposite. I feel raw, fragile and weak beyond words. I hate feeling like this and am fighting it with every thing in my being. But I don’t know how much longer I can. Lord help me, Bianca, I need your strength of will and heart now. I hope it isn’t too much to ask, and yet I know it must be. And then I remember who you are, my love, you are the Bianca who no matter how hard or bad her life gets, she will always have the strength and will to help the people she loves. And set aside her needs and wants. Something I have and always will admire about you till I die. But I promise you, my beloved Bianca, I will be there for you as well. We will find the strength together to be there for each other. Because I know part of the reason I feel so lost and afraid is I need you. I have never allowed myself to need anyone, my love, in my entire life. I have never allowed myself to feel and be this vulnerable. But you have reached into my heart and soul and released that protective wall that kept me from trusting anyone enough to be this human. And though it frightens me at times, it is also very liberating to know, with you, I can be the person who can love and allow herself to be loved as well, to be free to be weak or strong and not worry about the repercussions of those actions. Thank you for that, Bianca. Thank you for letting me know that no matter what, you will love me, and you must know I feel the same for you. We will make it through this together, will we not, my love? We will help each other to find the strength to make it through each day and help Mama have the best life she can till the end? Thank you, beloved, thank you and God bless you for insisting to be here with me.

Please forgive me, but I have to stop now, Bianca. I need to get back to Mama. The nurses needed to take care of her and asked me to step out for a bit, so I took the opportunity to contact you now. I’m sorry for the rant and ramble, but I know you understand and love me anyway. Please see the attachment for the travel and ticket information. If anything isn’t clear, please let me know. My mind is only partially functioning these days with the total lack of sleep and stress, so I never know if anything I am doing or saying makes any sense. But enough -- please let me know that you received all this and please call me when you are ready to take off on your flight. Please be safe, my love, and know I love you and will be waiting anxiously to hold you in my arms once again.

With all my love and devotion,

Lena

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Chapter 9 On my way (Rated R)

My Darling Lena,

I received all the information, my love. Not to worry - it all made complete sense and I will get packed and let everyone know I am leaving and that I will be in touch, but that I have no idea when I will return. I know they will be fine. They are all so wrapped up in their own lives anyway these days; I don’t think they will miss me, too much.

Lena, I want you to please stop apologizing to me for how you are feeling or for not having your emotions completely under control. I love you for all that you are. Please, you must know that you have every right to have all these feelings, and to express them. I would be more concerned if you weren’t experiencing this range of emotion and anxiety. And to tell you the truth, I think I would feel a little hurt if you didn’t feel you could be yourself with me and let your guard down at a time like this. We are so much more then friends and lovers, Lena. We have been through so many horrible things together and apart, but it has all brought us both closer together. You are correct, when you say we will weather this situation together with Paulina. We will be there for each other and her. Neither of us will be alone anymore. Neither you nor I will have to deal with life and all its relentless challenges without the other by our side. From here on in, we will have each other and we will be together, never to face any of it alone again. I give you my word, Lena. So be strong my love. I will be there soon.

I will call you when I am getting on the plane and then I will count the hours and minutes until I will hold you in my arms again. I too ache for you, my darling. I too need to feel you by my side, safe in your warm embrace, never to leave you again. I can’t wait to look in your eyes again and kiss your warm lips. To experience that wonderful tingle I feel when you brush your lips over my fingertips, the way you do, and then bury your beautiful face in my neck and tell me you love me. It brings tears to my eyes now, just to imagine us together like that again and to know I will never be saying goodbye to you ever again. I love and adore you, my precious love. Please tell Paulina I will be there soon and all will be well, and that we will take her home together. Till later, my love.

All my love,

Your Bianca

---------------------------

Lena had received Bianca’s email confirming the receipt of the ticket and flight information. Reading the parts about them being together was making Lena ache even more for her sweet girl.

Lena had gone home, it was late afternoon now. She knew Bianca would be calling soon, before her evening flight took off. She needed some time alone now. Paulina understood and told her to go home for a change of clothes and rest. Lena had made herself a late lunch and tried to eat some of the soup she had made. But her mind began to wander as she stirred the soup unconsciously with one hand, petting baby B, who was lying on her lap purring contentedly, with the other. All her thoughts at this moment were of Bianca, the feel of her, the sweet intoxicating smell of her, the warmth of her kisses, the amazing depth of her embrace that always left Lena feeling weak. God, how she loved all that was Bianca. How would she ever face a life without her? She certainly would never survive the eventual loss of her Mother if she didn’t have Bianca in her life. She prayed nothing and no one would ever separate them again.

Her mind then shifted to Maggie as that thought crawled into her brain. She knew no matter what Maggie said, no matter how often she denied it; Maggie was in love with Bianca. Lena was going to have to deal with that situation once and for all with Bianca when they were alone. Not their first day, but soon. She needed to know, if Mary Margaret Stone ever found the courage to tell Bianca how she felt and to admit it to herself, would Bianca love her back. Lena dropped the spoon from her hand and covered her face with it as her tears began to flow. She couldn’t lose Bianca; it would be too much to bear. Not again, not after all that had happened and not with her Mother – no it would be too much. Lena brushed her tears aside and baby B, as if knowing the pain Lena was in, sat up and began to reach out with her tiny paws to Lena’s face. Not in a threatening way, no but in a sweet playful way that made Lena laugh as she looked into the kitten’s sparkling blue eyes. Baby B was so much like her name sake. She didn’t want to see Lena sad or cry. She wanted to make her smile, laugh and know she was loved. The kitten purred and rubbed up against Lena’s stomach, arching her back and waiting for her Lena to pet her and hold her. Lena picked up the playful kitten and held her little face close to her own and kissed the tip of baby B’s pink nose.

“I love you to, my little friend. Not to worry, your Lena is just feeling a little blue. But Bianca will be here soon, my little one and you are going to love her as much and I do. I know she will steal your heart too, baby, she steals everyone’s who meets her. You can’t look in those deep, brown eyes and not fall in love with her. It just isn’t possible. But I pray she will be all mine and mine alone, my little one. I need her so.”

Just then Lena’s cell phone rang. Lena put baby B back down on her lap and reached for the phone from the kitchen table. She took a deep breath to compose herself and answered the phone.

“Hello, beloved.”

“Hello, Lena. Did you miss me?”

“Do you have to asked, sweet girl?”

“No, but I never tire of hearing you say it. Tell me you love me, Lena, please.”

“I love and adore you, Bianca Montgomery. I need you here, my sweet. Stop teasing me and get on that plane. I don’t think I could wait one more day to see and hold you.”

“Not to worry, my love. I am already checked in and I have my carry on bag. I’m not bringing much. I decided I can buy much of what I need when I get there. I hope that will be alright. I just couldn’t concentrate on the whole packing concept and decided to take only what I really needed and get the rest later.”

“That is fine, Bianca, I just want you here. The rest is only details.”

“True, that is how I felt too. Well I have to go, sweet heart, they are boarding now. I love you, Lena, and the next time I tell you that, I will be in your wonderful arms, my love.”

A tear ran down Lena’s face upon hearing Bianca’s words. “I love you too, Bianca. Please be safe and when I see you next, I might never let you out of my arms, so be prepared.” Lena smiled at the thought.

“So I am to be your love slave then, Lena? I can live with that.” Bianca said and blew her lover a kiss over the phone. “Later, my love, and don’t worry I will be safe and see you soon. Have to run. Bye Lena.”

Bianca hung up before Lena could say goodbye one last time, but then whispered the words anyway. She closed the phone, laid it on the table and held baby B close to her chest and smiled. Her Bianca – Her Bianca was on her way. Soon they would be in each others arms again and this time Lena would never let her go.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back, oh yes please.

Chapter 10 The Reunion (Rated R)

The flight had seemed like an eternity, to Bianca. Though she had flown first class, thanks to Lena’s generosity, the trip had been fraught with crying infants, rude and demanding passengers all seeming to work on the flight attendants and her last nerve. What little rest and sleep she could steal from these surroundings, had proven to be anything but restful. Her most peaceful moments were spent writing in her journal. There she could escape from her annoying surroundings and think of the only person who could bring her peace - Lena. Exhaustion finally took over her body and Bianca fell asleep only hours before their landing. A little bit of drool had begun to escape her partially opened lips and was working its way down her chin. A young man, sitting near Bianca, became transfixed by the sight of this beautiful young woman and the sweet, serene look on her sleeping visage. The tiny bit of drool and the soft snoring emanating from her slumber made him smile and wish he could work up the courage to introduce himself to her, once they landed. But he thought he recognized something in her eyes when she had been awake, and seemed even more evident in her sleep state. This young, beautiful creature was in love and there was no mistaking it. Plus he could have sworn as she appeared to write in a journal she had brought with her, he was sure she had a photo nestled in the pages of the book that she would study from time to time and trace her fingers over it lovingly and smile as she did so. Lucky fellow, he thought to himself. And wished he were that lucky fellow now.

Just then the Captain put on the fasten your seat belts sign and the attendants made their final sweep through the cabin for drink glasses and such, making sure everyone was buckled in for the landing. The tall blonde attendant placed her hand gently on Bianca’s shoulder and woke the young girl, letting her know they would be landing soon and to fasten her belt and raise her seat. Bianca’s eyes fluttered open and tried to focus on who was speaking to her. She finally remembered where she was and smiled back at the attendant and thanked her for letting her know. The Blonde then offered a clean Kleenex to Bianca and indicated she might have some drool she would like to address before landing. Bianca blushed at this news and thanked the woman again and took the offered Kleenex. The attendant gently squeezed Bianca’s shoulder, smiled and then moved onto the next passenger she needed to awaken.

The love stuck young man was caught staring at Bianca, as she endeavored to remove the offending drool from her chin. She blushed again and smiled shyly back at him in embarrassment. What a sight for Erica Kane’s baby girl to be seen in a first class section, drooling in her sleep. Bianca couldn’t wait to tell Lena. She knew her love would enjoy the laugh and the endless teasing she would rain on her young lover over it as well. The young man then apologized for staring, but said in his own defense it was hard not to, when someone as lovely as she was the party in question. Bianca thanked him for his compliment, but then said he best be careful with his flattery. Or her girlfriend might get the wrong idea and do him bodily harm, winking at him as she said it. He smiled and said, lucky girlfriend. Then returned to face the front and sighed deeply at the hopelessness of his obsession. Bianca smiled to herself as he turned away, and thought another little something to share with Lena. Won’t Lena be jealous; she pondered and held her journal to her breast, trying to keep her beloved close to her till they met on the ground.

As Bianca’s plane approached, Lena paced the walkway at the arrival gate. Thank God the flight was on time, she thought. She didn’t think she would survive another second of waiting. The plane was making its final approach, or so the desk clerk told Lena, only moments ago. The clerk was about ready to call security, if this tall, dark haired woman asked her one more time if the plane was on time and how much longer it would be before its arrival. But the wait was finally over and Lena was now burning a hole in the hideous maroon carpet as she paced over and over, waiting for her Bianca to come through those doors. It was as if God and everyone where trying her patience. Didn’t they know she was holding on by a very slender thread as it was? Couldn’t they see it in her eyes?

“Breathe Lena,” She kept saying to herself over and over again. Lord, she didn’t want to frighten Bianca when she saw her come through those doors.

“I can do this. I can do this,” She muttered.

“Can I help you miss? Are you alright?” A kind older man asked of Lena.

She hadn’t heard or seen him right away, so he asked again as he took a firm hold onto her arm. The contact both startled and shocked her. Lena pulled back and looked at the man as if he were some creature from space.

“I’m terribly sorry, miss, I just wanted to be sure you were ok, you seemed so upset.”

“Oh - I’m sorry - I didn’t hear you. Thank you for your concern. I’m just anxious to see my lov…my friend. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

“No, not at all, miss. The passengers should be here any minute. Good luck with finding your friend.” Lena thanked the old man as he walked towards the chairs to have a seat and wait as well.

Finally people began to come through the departure doors. Lena’s body was shaking from the closeness of her Bianca. And then, as if out of some motion picture dream, there she was a vision to her lover’s eyes. Bianca, the raven haired, doe eyed porcelain beauty Lena remembered. God how she took Lena’s breath away. Then their eyes met and Bianca smiled that wonderful trademark Bianca Montgomery smile that could stop traffic and melt the coldest of cold hearts.

“Bianca!” Lena shouted across the room and waved franticly.

“Lena!” Bianca answered and waved back, rushing through the others to get to her Lena, struggling with her carryon shoulder bag as she ran.

Lena smiled at the sight of Bianca wrestling with her luggage. She didn’t know why, it just seemed to endear Bianca even more to her heart. Lena stood there transfixed, watching Bianca rush towards her. Why couldn’t she move? After all this, she appeared to be glued to the spot she stood in now. But nothing would motivate her legs to move. All she could do was smile endlessly and watch Bianca in all her excitement rush towards her. Finally the two were face to face and Bianca spoke.

“Are you going to just stand there, Kundera, and laugh at my pathetic struggle with this garment bag? Or are you going kiss me before I die from need?” Bianca asked, smiling, knowing full well it wasn’t from lack of desire; Lena seemed amused by her struggle. She knew deep down, Lena was finally at peace, knowing Bianca was here and time was standing still for both of them as they looked into each others eyes at long last.

Lena never spoke; she took the offending garment bag from Bianca’s shoulder and threw it to the ground beside them. Then she cupped Bianca’s precious cheek with the palm of her hand, Bianca leaning into her touch and closing her eyes as she did. Lena then leaned down and softly, slowly and tenderly kissed the sweet lips that where her Bianca’s, placing her other hand on the other cheek as well. All life, time and substance evaporated around them. Nothing but theses two women existed, for as long as this kiss lasted. Bianca threw her arms around Lena as Lena continued to kiss her. This – this was what had brought her here, this woman, this love, her love, her Lena. Nothing but nothing would ever separate them again.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Yes please.

Chapter 11 Paulina (Rated R)

Lena hadn’t bothered to drive to the airport. She was too afraid, in her current state of mind, to get behind the wheel of a car these days. She had been taking cabs the few times she did leave the Hospital, which wasn’t often. Once they had gotten Bianca through customs, Bianca asked Lena if she could use a restroom to freshen up before they headed for the Hospital to see her Mother. Lena showed Bianca to the facilities and continued to hold her carryon bag for her, as Bianca excused herself and entered the restroom.

Bianca washed her hands and face, and then began to re-apply her makeup. She wanted to try and look her best when going to see Paulina at the Hospital for the first time. Before she put on her lipstick, she ran her fingertips over her lips. Remembering the amazing kiss she and Lena had just shared. She smiled and thought how wonderful it was, and unlike their kiss in the hospital when Lena left her weeks ago, this one was but the first of many to come. She was really here, really in her amazing lover’s homeland. There had been days she thought this would never happen. If truth be known, she had harbored fears she would never see Lena again. Something she had never wanted to let herself believe. But she was here now and clearly, Lena was thrilled to have her here. She stopped her day dreaming and finished with the lipstick, brushed her hair one last time, straightened out her clothes and headed out to join her love once again. As she came out of the restroom, she saw Lena smile and wave her over from across the way.

“Miss me?” Bianca asked as she leaned in for a quick kiss from her lover.

“Always, in fact you were in there so long, I thought I would have to come and get you. I was afraid you might have met some hot, young, blonde creature and abandoned me for her. I know how you love your blondes.” Lena smirked.

Bianca playfully smacked Lena’s arm.

“You think I would come all this way, just to ditch you for a blonde, hell I could have done that at home. Maggie has been giving me the eye for weeks now. I think she’s ready to cross over to the dark side.” Bianca jested, but noticed Lena’s beaming smile suddenly turned to a pained and pensive look very quickly with the mention of Maggie Stone’s name. Bianca panicked and tried to do some quick damage control.

“Lena, sweetie, I was only kidding. Come on you started it, now don’t go and get all crazy one me, Kundera.”

But her words seemed to be falling on deaf ears, so Bianca did the only thing she knew might make things better again. She cupped Lena’s sad face in her hands and pulled her into a kiss, a kiss that started out slow and innocent enough, but soon escalated. Lena dropped the garment bag, grabbed Bianca and made it clear to the young woman she wanted – no she needed a great deal more, at this moment, then a chaste kiss. Bianca let Lena in and the kiss soon turned into a forceful, searing, passionate experience for both of them. When they finally stopped and came up for air, they both realized this was perhaps not the best place for this kind of PDA. Both of them blushed and tried not to look at the few people who had stopped to stare at the couple. Lena picked up the bag, put her arm around Bianca in a protective and watchful stance, leading the two of them towards the taxi stand outside the terminal. Neither one said anything until they arrived at the stand, got a cab and were on their way to the Hospital.

“I’m sorry for what I said back there, Lena.”

“No, Bianca, you were right it was my fault.”

“No, really I never should have joked about Maggie. I know how just the mere mention of her name makes you crazy. It was stupid and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Bianca reached over and took Lena’s hand in hers, bringing it to her lips and kissing it. Lena smiled at the gesture, but still looked concerned and pained behind her smile.

“It’s ok, Bianca, really. Don’t worry about it. I just overreacted. I have been doing that a lot lately with many things. It’s not your fault. But….” Then Lena stopped herself before completing her last remark and looked out the taxi window as Bianca continued to hold her hand.

“Lena, I didn’t come all this way to hurt you or to cause a fight. Say what you need to say, please.”

“I can’t, Bianca, not here – not yet.”

Lena said as she continued to look out the car window trying to decide how best to deal with this situation, when all she wanted to do was to take Bianca in her arms again, hold her and tell her how much she loved her. Why was this so hard? Why was everything in her life now, so fucking hard? The building emotions, daily stress and total lack of sleep finally took there toll on Lena. She covered her face with her hand and began to sob uncontrollably.

Bianca was devastated, sitting there witnessing Lena’s agony. She was sure Lena’s sudden breakdown wasn’t only about what had happened moments ago, but now wasn’t the time to concentrate on what had happened or why she needed to help alleviate Lena’s pain and anguish now. Bianca closed the gap between her and her lover, taking hold of Lena’s shoulders, and turning her to face the young woman. Bianca then pulled Lena’s hand away from her face and began to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her lover’s cheeks.

“Baby, come here, let you hold you, Lena.”

Lena had never felt so vulnerable or exposed in her life. Why did this have to happen here – now? Why couldn’t she have at least controlled herself till they were alone? So many thoughts and fears were running ramped in her mind. She began to wonder if she wasn’t losing her mind. She looked deep into Bianca’s eyes with such a look of desperation it almost frightened her young lover.

“Help me,” was all Lena could say, tears streaming down her face. Her slender body shaking as she wept.

Bianca pulled Lena towards her and held her as tightly as she could without hurting her. She ran one hand soothingly up and down Lena’s back while she stroked the back of her lovers head with her other hand. Bianca whispered comforting and loving words in Lena’s ear as their ride continued toward the Hospital. For good or bad the ride was over 30 minutes in length from the airport to the Hospital. This gave Lena time to regain her composure. She thanked Bianca for being so understanding and begged her forgiveness for embarrassing her in public. Bianca smiled and gently ran her hand across Lena’s damp cheek, brushing away the final remnants of the recent tears.

“Sweetie, please, one poor taxi driver does not constitute a major public scene. A minor moment at best, I would say and I would venture this is neither the last or first time he has ever witnessed such an event. They both then noticed a hint of a smile cross the driver’s lips at Bianca’s statement, but out of deference to his passengers he made no remarks of any kind. The two women then smiled at one another and proceeded to sit with their backs against the car seat now, Lena’s arm over Bianca’s shoulder as they rode the rest of the trip in relative calm and silence.

They had finally arrived at their destination. Lena paid the cabby in full, plus a generous tip and a smile for his discretion and kindness. The man thanked her and wished her and her friend good luck, then drove off once they had removed Bianca’s hanging bag from the backseat floor of the cab. The two of them then walked hand in hand up the stairs leading to the Hospital entrance and headed for Paulina’s room.

Lena stopped at the nurses’ station and checked to see how her Mother had done in her absence. Hoping all had been quiet and uneventful while she was gone. She was assured, Paulina had spent a quiet afternoon and that it was looking good for her to be going home in a few days. The nurses then asked if the young woman, whose hand Lena was holding, was the Bianca they had been hearing so much about. Both Lena and Bianca blushed at the questions, causing all the nurses to laugh. The couple then excused themselves and went to see Paulina.

Bianca asked Lena to go in first and make sure her Mother was ready for company. She didn’t want to overwhelm Paulina, if she had been napping or might be in pain. Lena did as requested, and went to check on her Mother, leaving Bianca just outside the door.

Paulina was resting and reading a book that Lena had given to her. She smiled upon seeing her daughter return, but then had a questioning look about her when she noticed Lena was alone.

“Where is Bianca, Lena? Didn’t she catch her flight?”

“Yes, Mama, she made it and is just outside your door. She just wanted me to check and make sure now was a good time to visit. She didn’t want to wear you out.”

“Well, you tell that silly girl friend of yours to get in here now. I have been waiting all day to see her. And you know how I hate to wait.” Paulina said with a wink. Lena smiled and leaned down to give her Mother a kiss on the cheek before she went to bring Bianca in to see her Mother.

“Yes, I dare say neither one of us is known for our patience in that area, are we Mama?”

“No we aren’t. Not go get her, oh and Lena, I would like a few moments alone with Bianca. Do you think you could give us sometime alone?”

“Yes, of course, Mama if that is what you want. You aren’t going to scare her off, now are you? I would hate to think we dragged her here just to have you send her packing.” Lena said and winked at her Mother in jest.

“No, I won’t send her packing. I am very pleased she is here for you, my sweet girl. I just want some private time to welcome her properly.”

“OK, Mama, as long as you promise not to scare her off, I will leave you two alone.”

Lena kissed her Mother’s forehead before leaving and squeezed her hand, mouthing the words “I Love You” as she left the room.

“Bianca, Mama wants some time alone with you. I think it is a Mother thing, she won’t tell me why, but she assures me it is not going to be unpleasant. I will go and get some coffee in the lounge and be back in 20 minutes. I think that will give you two enough time.” Lena hugged her young lover and kissed her cheek, then ushered the girl into her Mother’s room.

Bianca was surprised that Paulina had wanted time alone with her, but they had spoken with each other before, so she wasn’t too concerned as to why Paulina would wish to visit with her now in private. As far as Bianca knew, Paulina was all for the relationship that she and Lena had been working to build. So she mustered up her courage and flashed her trademark Bianca smile, as she entered Paulina’s room and saw that the older woman was looking far better then she had expected her too. It seemed today was one of Paulina’s good days and she had been experiencing only small bouts of pain throughout the day. Paulina smiled at Bianca as well and motioned for her to come beside her and pull up a chair and sit. Bianca grabbed the cold metal hospital chair and placed it by the bed, but first before sitting, she hugged Paulina, kissed her cheek and asked how she was doing.

“Bianca, sweet child, now that you are here I am feeling worlds better. My baby has missed you more then words can express and it has pained me more then this disease to see her so lonely and heart sick for you. I’m sorry I was the reason you two had to be apart; after all you had been through this year. But I needed to be home, I hope you understand?” Paulina reached for Bianca’s hand as she spoke and Bianca gave it gladly.

Bianca smiled when Paulina referred to Lena as her baby. She knew Lena would cringe at the reference at her age, but Bianca found it endearing. This Mother and daughter were so loving and close. It made Bianca more then a little sad to realize that she and her Mother would never have this closeness, this kind of relationship with each other. But that was not why Bianca was here. She was here for Lena and Paulina, so she brushed those thoughts aside and held Paulina’s hand as the woman spoke to her.

“Well, I am here now and I have no intention of leaving, so I hope you will still be pleased to have me here, once I have been under foot for awhile.”

“Oh, I am sure both Lena and I will deal quite well with having you under foot. After all your little name sake, is under foot all the time and we have come to love her very much.”

“Ah yes, baby B, I can’t wait to meet her. And yet I must say, I hope she hasn’t stolen too much of Lena’s heart that she has none left for the original.”

“Hardly, my sweet child, you are all Lena speaks of, to anyone who will listen. There isn’t a doctor or nurse who doesn’t know about wonderful Bianca.” Paulina said with a smile.

“Oh my, well I guess I better be on my best behavior then. I wouldn’t want to disappoint everyone.” Bianca said with a wink.

The young girl was feeling so much love from this woman it made her sit with ease and relax into the rest of their conversation. The two continued to talk about Lena and baby B. Touching only briefly on Paulina’s condition. The older woman only wanted Bianca to feel welcome and to know how much it meant to both Lena and she for the girl to be there with them at last. Finally, Lena returned from the lounge, finding her Mother and lover laughing about some childhood story Paulina was telling Bianca. The two of them looked up at Lena with guilty grins on their faces as they saw her enter the room.

“Mother, what have you been telling Bianca?”

“Nothing, child, we two were just having a pleasant conversation. Isn’t that right, Bianca?”

“Yes, Paulina, most pleasant,” Bianca blushed, her face telling Lena all she needed to know.

“That’s fine, Mother, have your fun. I will get you back later, with stories of my own, once we get you home.”

“Oh, I have no doubt you will, my child. But for now you two need to go home and get some rest. Poor Bianca here is about ready to drop after that horrible flight she had.”

“It was horrible?” Lena said, having realized she never even asked Bianca how it had been.

“Don’t worry, Lena, I will tell you all about it later.”

“And what do you mean we need to go home? I was going to take Bianca home and get her settled in and then come back.”

“No, Lena, you will take this lovely girl home and see to it you two spend some time getting to know each other again. I will be fine here, besides they will be medicating me soon for the night, I won’t even know you are gone. Now give your old Mother a kiss and be on your way. You two have wasted enough time being apart. I won’t be the reason any longer for that to continue.”

Bianca and Lena did as ordered. Kissed Paulina goodnight and went home to get reacquainted.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: yes please.

I am dedicating this chapter to the woman who completes me. My loving, generous and warm-hearted Muse, I thank you, my sweet lady, for loving me and bringing untold joy into my life. It is because of the joy you have brought into my life, I can find the words to write this chapter for our two very special ladies. You are my very special lady and I have written this for you and wanted to share it with our friends here on Olga’s board. I hope you will forgive your Diva for making your gift so public, but I wanted the world to know how much you mean to me my Darling, your devoted Diva

Chapter 12 She completes me ( Rated R then NC-17)

Bianca and Lena made it back to the house in one piece, without any further dramatic cab ride experiences, much to Lena’s delight. They were both so tired from the day’s events they sat in silence on the ride back to the house with Lena’s arm wrapped snugly around Bianca’s shoulder. Bianca laid her head on Lena and fell asleep for most of the ride home. In fact in Lena’s arms, Bianca felt as if she were really and truly home for the first time, in a very long time.

“Sweetie, I love this house, it is so cute,” Bianca said, walking into the kitchen part of the home. Just then baby B came sauntering into the kitchen and headed straight for Lena, rubbing up against her legs and looking for some much needed attention and food. The neighbors were leaving plenty of food and water for the kitten, but she only wanted what Lena gave her and would always wait for her return. The kitten was also known for giving her mistress hell for leaving her alone for long periods of time, demanding immediate attention every time Lena would finally return to the house.

“So this is the little woman who has stolen my Lena’s heart?” Bianca mused as she spotted the hungry kitty, circling Lena and crying for her attention.

“Stolen, no Bianca, no she has only borrowed what has, and always will, belong to you and you alone, my sweet,” Lena said, brushing her fingertips down Bianca’s cheek.

“Good to know. But I have to say, I don’t blame you for finding solace with her. Look how adorable she is,” Bianca said as she leaned down to pet baby B. But the kitten wanted nothing to do with this new intruder. She wanted only her Lena, and no one else.

“Well, I see my counter part has a bit of an attitude. Maybe she does have more then a little Kane in her too.”

Lena smiled at Bianca’s remark as she watched her two Biancas interact for the first time.

“I see she only wants her Lena, but then who can blame her. She better know, however, the original Bianca is here now, and I won’t be taking second place to her,” Bianca said, only half kidding as she raised her eyebrow to the impudent pet and turned away.

“Don’t worry, Bianca, not even baby B could keep you away from me, now that you are here. She will just have to get used to the idea, you are the real love of my life.”

”Well, for now at least, I think if we are to have any peace tonight, you best feed your furry little treasure, while I get unpacked. Just show me where I will be sleeping and where I can put my things. And I will get out of your hair, while you tend to your charge.”

Lena had been sifting through the mail as she and Bianca chatted and baby B whined for attention. She put the mail down, seeing it was only bills, took Bianca’s hand and led Bianca to her bedroom.

“You can hang your clothes in here and I emptied these two dresser drawers for you. Just let me know if you need more room than this for your things. We have our own bathroom over here, so you won’t have to worry about disturbing Mama if you need to get up during the night. It’s not a big house, but it suits our needs, for now.” Lena then proceeded to sit on the edge of the queen sized bed, watching Bianca begin to unpack and hang her clothes in the closet.

“Its fine, Lena, all the room we could need. Plus it is such a cheerful house for your Mother and you. As for me needing anything, all I need is you, my love, everything else is just – well it isn’t important.” Bianca stopped her unpacking long enough to go and give Lena a sweet kiss at this moment.

“Now, from your emails, I got the impression you stay with your Mother in her room. I will expect you will want to continue doing that as well, so you can keep an eye on her and her condition. Just know that I understand that, and as much as I would like to be with you, I understand you Mother’s needs come first. I am here to help in any way with the day to day business of things, so you can concentrate on her care and well being.” Bianca left the bedroom and was in the adjoining bathroom now, putting her personal grooming items away.

Lena looked dejected and forlorn at Bianca’s news. It seemed the young woman expected they would not be sharing this room together. Had Lena presumed too much in thinking they were going to rekindle their love at last? Or was the “rape” still making it to impossible for Bianca to consider such a thing? Lena rose from the bed and stood by the bathroom doorway, watching Bianca find a place for her things.

“Bianca, I have stayed with my Mother only because we were here alone and it gave us both a sense of comfort to be together. But now that you are here – well, I had hoped we could share this room together. This Bed – I – was I wrong? Is it too much too soon for you, Bianca?”

Bianca heard the concern and disappointment in Lena’s voice and turned to face her.

“No, Lena, I just assumed – I didn’t mean to make you think I don’t wish to be with you while I am here. It’s just – well it’s been a long time since we have been together. But believe me, it is something I have given a great deal of thought to and spent more then a few lonely hours fantasizing about.”

“Really,” Lena said, smiling at the idea of her beloved fantasizing about them being together again. Stirring something in her she hadn’t felt in quite some time. “My sweet Bianca has been having fantasies, about us, has she?”

“What, like you haven’t been?” Bianca smirked, as part of her hoped she hadn’t made yet another assumption and a major fool of herself. Maybe with all Lena was having to deal with, resuming that part of their relationship was the farthest thing from her mind. Suddenly she started to feel guilt and remorse for the tacky joke she had just made. But before she could say another word, Lena closed the distance between her and Bianca. And before kissing those lips she loved so much, that were now just inches away from her own, Lena whispered these words,

“Day and night, my beloved, day and night. You haunt my every waking moments, don’t you know that?” And with that she showed Bianca just how much she wanted her back in just that way. The kiss was full of love, promise and a longing radiating from both women. Radiating to the extent they might have both thought they could power a small village with the energy from just that kiss. Once it ended, the two women tried to recover from the kiss and the breathing that seemed to get away from them as well.

"Lena."

"Yes, sweetheart."

"Isn't there something, or rather someone you need to take care of first – well, before you start something you can't finish?"

Lena wasn't functioning with all her brain matter at the moment.  She had no clue what Bianca was going on about.  Nor did she care.

"What?"

"A certain smaller, more annoying Bianca who needs to be fed and watered."

"Oh damn, I forgot."

"Yes, I gathered that.  But I have no intention of having our long awaited reunion interrupted by a seriously pissed off kitten."

"I hear you.” Lena smiled and kissed Bianca quickly on the lips one last time.  “I will take care of her. You - well you get comfortable and I will be right back."

"I'll be here and waiting.  Take your time, I need to finish unpacking anyway and I so need to brush my teeth. And if you don't mind, I could really use a shower. I am feeling beyond gross for words."

Lena’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, Bianca and a shower, now that idea had major possibilities written all over it. But Lena then thought, get a grip, I want this to be romantic, I’m not going to “take her” when she is in her shower. So she dismissed the idea and went to feed the kitten.

“Down, Lena, down girl, you don’t want to freak Bianca out with crazy thinking. Take it slow and easy, nothing too over the top to start.”

“Did you say something, Lena?”

“No nothing, sweetheart, just talking to myself. Tired I guess, makes me do that some times.”

Bianca smiled to herself. It felt good to know she still had “that effect” on Lena. She had only a few moments now to ready things for them, if this evening was going to go the way she hoped it would. She studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror and prayed nothing within her private concerns would make this a less then perfect reunion for the two of them. She had spent months striving to get past the rape and it’s after effects, and then more recently the loss of her baby. Thankfully with the help of her therapist they both had come to the conclusion Bianca was ready to begin to take back her life, slowly at first, but especially as far as Lena was concerned.

So much time had been wasted. Time spent running from Lena, because of what they felt for each other, the intensity of those emotions, all more then Bianca could deal with on top of everything else so soon after the rape. Bianca had first been living in denial about the rape and then her pregnancy. She knew she never could have kept those feelings, fears, all of it from Lena. Lena could see into her heart, her soul like no one else could. Therefore she had to keep her away. But then they had finally started to repair and rebuild what they had. Bianca had come to terms with the coming baby and put the rape behind her as best she could. The young woman felt a trust and a love with Lena that she had never experienced with anyone else. She wanted that back, but then her baby, her little girl was born and just as quickly taken away from her. Taken and not even a body left to morn, to hold and say goodbye.

Lena had tried to help her deal and Bianca tried to let her. They were just beginning to grow closer again when the next hurdle came. Lena’s Mother was dying. Lena was leaving her love and returning to Poland to care for her Mother. But the two swore they would be together again. Bianca let her love, her soul mate leave her side once again.

Despite all the madness, Bianca knew Lena loved her deeply and without question. For too long, Bianca had questioned her feelings for Lena. But now Bianca too had finally been willing to admit to herself that she held a deep and abiding love for Lena as well, unlike anything she had ever felt for another woman. If anyone could help Bianca embrace life again, it was Lena. Of that Bianca had become 100% certain, before Lena left for Poland and even more so once their email conversations began.

Lena filled an emptiness and longing in Bianca that had existed long before the rape, but had become more excruciatingly evident after that horrid experience, followed by the unexplainable death and utter loss of the child Bianca had pinned so many dreams and hopes on. Lena was the one constant amidst all the pain and insanity. Someone Bianca had denied for so long, only to discover this amazing, generous, loving woman had been the key to her peace, the one who could and would always fill those empty longings and endless loneliness. The one who had stood by her and had never wavered in her love and sacrifice for her Bianca. The one who had kept her distance from her love, because that was what Bianca had needed and wanted, no matter how much pain it had caused Lena for them to be apart. Now, after months of doubt and confusion it was finally clear to Bianca. The young woman had finally come to realize with Lena she was complete. Lena was the other half of her soul that she had spent a lifetime searching for. She didn’t want Lena because it seemed right or because she was lonely. She wasn’t in love with the idea of being in love, as had happened to her in the past. Bianca finally knew she and Lena belonged together as all the great loves in literature had. Their love was something that few if any had the great fortune to find and nothing or no one would keep them apart again. Not even Bianca, least of all her. There would be no more running away. No more denying her love for this wonderful woman. Life was done keeping these two apart and so were Bianca’s fears. The fears that were now replaced with a love, trust, and an overwhelming sense of devotion that these two shared for one another. And tonight, Bianca knew without question, she and Lena would spend this evening rediscovering the love that they had found before so many months ago and would spend a lifetime sharing from this point forward.

--------------

(NC-17 from here on)

Bianca had succeeded in locating several large candles on one of the closet shelves and placed them throughout the bedroom and a few in the bathroom as well, before she prepared for her shower. She then turned out the lights once she had lighted the candles and gotten out of her clothes. She had hurried to unpack her one garment bag and was now in the bathroom awaiting Lena for her surprise.

“My sweet girl,” Lena mused to herself as she re-entered the room and took in the sight.

“Such a romantic,” Lena smiled, but then so was she. That was why her Bianca knew exactly where to look for the candles that she now had lighted and scattered throughout the room.

“She knows me so well, Lord how I love that.” Lena was moved almost to tears again, but before she had time to take it all in, Bianca poked her head out of the bathroom door, and asked Lena if she could bring her some more towels. Lena went to the hall linen closet and retrieved a few more bath and hand towels for the both of them. She then returned and knocked on the partially opened bathroom door.

“Bianca, I have your towels, do you want me to hand them to you or come in and leave them for you?”

“It’s ok, Lena, come in.”

Lena did as asked and entered the room, carrying the towels. She came face to face with Bianca who was covered only in a bath towel and looking more radiant then even Lena remembered. Her beauty enhanced by the soft glow from the candle light that seemed to surround the small room.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Bianca said as she reached for the other towels from her speechless and ah struck lover. The young woman then smiled and put the towels down on the sink. Lena finally came out of her stupor and turned to leave her young lover to her shower. But Bianca reached for Lena’s arm as the older woman turned to leave the room.

“Lena – please, don’t go.”

Lena then turned back and faced Bianca, her face full of hesitation and longing. “Bianca, are you sure? I just don’t think – I mean this will be the first time – since…”

“Shhh... Lena, it has been almost a year. I have been dealing with that and the loss of Miranda with my therapist. She was the one who encouraged me to contact you and see about joining you here in Poland. She feels I’m ready to move on with my life and so do I. I love you, Lena and I know if we take it slow, I am sure I will be fine. After all, how could I not be, you are always so gentle and loving, my beautiful one. I trust you with my life, why not this? Besides, I rather like the idea that it will be like a first time for us, in so many ways.”

“But here – now? It’s not how I would have planned it, something more – well special, like you.”

“Yes here and now. What better place then the home you have made for your sweet Mother to make her feel safe and loved. I couldn’t feel any more safe and loved if you had found this place for us. And as for special, with you here, it makes it special.”

“But…”

“Lena, my sweet, we are both a little damaged now with all that has happened. I think we both need some healing and love now more then ever. I truly believe fate has found the perfect time and place for us to find our love again? Don’t you?”

Lena was speechless. She had an overwhelming gamut of emotions running through her mind and body now. She wasn’t sure which or what ones to listen to first. She didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Bianca in any way or overwhelm her.

Bianca, sensing Lena’s confusion and concerns, moved closer and placed the palm of her hand on Lena’s cheek. Holding it there and looking deeply into her Lena’s eyes and said,

“Let go, Lena, just let go and let love in.” placing her other hand over Lena’s heart, “Let our love set you free and me as well. It has been long enough.”

Bianca then leaned in and kissed Lena, letting her hands run through her lover’s hair, as she kissed her deeply. Lena’s will to stop what was about to happen was happily surrendered to Bianca’s. She needed this every bit as much as Bianca did, maybe more.

If her young lover felt safe enough to dive into their love and physical relationship again, then she wouldn’t be the one to second guess these overwhelming feelings.

Lena’s hands were caressing her lover’s sweet face while their kiss continued. As the two kissed, Bianca’s towel slowly fell to the floor. The sudden total lack of clothing sent a chill through the young woman, and small Goosebumps cascaded over her slender body. Lena, with her eyes closed and lost in her lover’s passionate kiss, suddenly felt Bianca’s body begin to shake. Lena’s eyes shot open, a sense of fear and dread took over her senses. Was Bianca having second thoughts? Was her young lover frightened, having some sort of flash back to that night? Her anxieties were then answered as her eyes met Bianca’s warm, brown pools and saw not fear, not dread but love, pure love. Lena then saw Bianca and all her exquisite nakedness and knew what had caused her young love to begin to shake. She was cold. She was just very simply cold, nothing more. A smile broke out on Lena’s lips as she relaxed in this knowledge. It might be spring in Poland, she thought, but the nights would dip down into the 50’s or lower, and this house sat in the shade all day, causing it to be colder at night then most. So Lena wrapped her arms around Bianca. She stopped their kiss and smiled at the young woman.

“I think we need to warm you up, Bianca, you’re shaking, my love.”

“You would be too, Lena if you knew what it felt like to kiss those lips of yours. The cold isn’t the only thing that is causing me to shake.”

”Really, do tell,” Lena said as she ran her hands up and down Bianca’s bare arms in an effort to help keep her warm. But as she did, she found herself lost in the beauty of Bianca’s naked form before her. She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of her lover. “So long,” said mumbled to herself as she reacquainted her eyes with every curve of that soft, porcelain skin that still took Lena’s breath away, upon seeing it again after so much time.

“What was that, sweetie?” Bianca said, lifting Lena’s chin to bring her eyes back to hers. Lena blushed, feeling embarrassed being caught ogling her lover like some dirty old man.

“My God Lena, are you blushing? I think that is so sweet?” Bianca kissed the tip of her lover’s nose as she enjoyed watching Lena blush for looking at her.

“I’m so sorry, Bianca, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just – you’re so breathtakingly beautiful, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh, yes, and Lord knows every young woman hates to be told that by the woman she loves. You big silly,” Bianca pulled Lena to her and they hugged and laughed at Lena’s embarrassed behavior.

Once the laughter subsided the two became silent. A new more intense feeling seem to take over both of them. Not a sexual lust, but rather a realization of how important this moment was to both of them. A new beginning, a chance to right old wrongs, to find the love and the passion that had been stolen from them so quickly the first time. The nervousness this time wasn’t from the unknown, but rather the known. They needed to put behind them so much that went wrong the first time and make it right from here on in. It suddenly seemed more then a bit overwhelming to both of them, and yet there was a sense of peace and trust as well between them. And that was in the end stronger then any of the old minutia that they had dealt with before.

Lena began to unbutton her blouse, as Bianca stood transfixed, almost lost in the moment. But then the young brunette’s hands began to undue Lena’s belt buckle, then the button just above the zipper. Before her hands took hold of the zipper, Lena stopped what she was doing and took hold of Bianca’s two hands, brought them to her lips and began to kiss each finger tip as if they were the most precious gifts she had ever received. The two were lost in each other’s brown eyes while Lena paid homage to her lover’s hands. Once each finger tip had been kissed and caressed by Lena’s soft, moist lips, she gently pressed her lips into the palm of both of Bianca’s hands. Lena then held them to her heart, looked into Bianca’s eyes again and said,

“Je t’adore Bianca.”

“Je vous aime Lena,” Bianca whispered in reply.

They kissed as tears fell from their eyes. Tears of joy, the joy of knowing all the waiting was over. All the past sins and errors forgiven and nothing but love and trust existed between them now.

Bianca then ended the kiss this time. She finished with the buttons on Lena’s blouse and carefully removed it from her lover, laying it on the bathroom floor. Lena had lowered the zipper on her slacks as Bianca discarded her blouse. She was about to remove her slacks when Bianca stopped her and placed her own small hands on each side of Lena’s slender hips, tucking her thumbs between the insides of the clothing and Lena’s smooth skin. Just this briefest of contact against Lena’s skin made her utter the softest of moans, while Bianca now removed the slacks and panties from her lover. As she pulled each pant leg over Lena’s foot, Lena rested her hand on Bianca’s shoulder to maintain her balance until Bianca had completed her task. This left but one item to be removed. Lena’s bra, Bianca upon standing once again smiled at her lover and wrapped her arms around Lena, loosened the clasp on her bra, gently lowered the strap over each arm and placed it on top of the blouse and slacks that had already been neatly left on the floor.

Now it was Bianca’s turn to take in the overwhelming beauty that was her Lena. Bianca sighed at the sight of her lover. Having forgotten how stunning Lena was in all her magnificent glory. Her long legs that seemed to never end, her tall proud stance that even now spoke of such an inner strength and pride, that it still sometimes took Bianca’s breath away. The young woman always felt as if being in Lena presence was likened to that of being in the presence of a Greek Goddess. The stature, grace and awe-inspiring beauty made Bianca almost feel unworthy in her lover’s midst. But then she remembered, this creature of unspeakable beauty was hers. Lena had proven time and time again, that she loved and belonged to no other then her Bianca. No one would ever touch or defile her again and the same was true of Bianca. They would spend their lives in love and protect each other from all harm.

Lena then offered her hand to Bianca. The young girl took the proffered hand and followed Lena into the shower. Lena stood with her back now to her lover as she ran and tested the waters before she turned the shower on. Bianca stood and waited for Lena to finish. The brunette was decidedly aroused and excited to be in Lena’s presence, but part of her still felt uncertain on how to proceed. She decided from this point forward she would let Lena take the lead. Perhaps that would change as the evening progressed, but for now, Bianca wanted Lena to be in control to show her she trusted her and to work her way back to a place where she could feel confident again in her abilities as a lover as well. If they had been any other couple, most likely they wouldn’t have been able to keep their hands off each other, but they weren’t just any couple. So much had happened to both of them this past year. So much for Bianca alone, as she had said to Lena earlier, she needed her lover to be gentle and take things slowly. There would be no rushing, no hurried lust filled sex between the two of them tonight. This was the time to rebuild all trust and tenderness between them. Not a time to ravage or take.

Lena had tempered the water now and released it through the shower head. The sudden force of the water made both of the women jump for a second and smile at their mutual embarrassment to the reaction. As the warm water now cascaded over Lena’s back she slowly, gently pulled Bianca towards her and for a few moments just held her there in her strong, tender embrace. Bianca rested her head on Lena’s shoulder and took in the sensation of their two bodies now pressed against one another. This was what heaven must be like, they both thought to themselves in silence. The warmth of their bodies, the warmth of their love surrounded by the warm embracing water and candle light, it made them wish this moment would never end.

Lena then ran her fingers through Bianca’s wet dark tresses.

“May I wash you hair, beloved?” She asked tentatively.

“Yes please,” Bianca answered with the sweetest of smiles that would always touch her lover’s heart.

“Bianca, you tell me if you need me to stop at any point, no matter what.”

“Yes – I promise, Lena. But don’t be afraid. I trust you.”

“I believe you, but I don’t want you to feel you have to do anything. We can just enjoy a harmless shower and then cuddle if that is all you want.”

“OK, but I want you Lena, really. I do.”

“Then baby steps, my love. Baby steps and I stop if it becomes too much.”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Lena felt better having expressed her concerns for Bianca’s feelings and needs. She reached for her shampoo and had Bianca turn her back to her. She began to massage the shampoo into her lover’s thick, black hair. While she did, Bianca leaned back into her lover’s body, craving the feeling of Lena’s flesh against her own. Bianca was becoming excited by the gentle massage Lena was giving to her scalp with the shampoo. She began to run her hands up and down Lena’s thighs almost in sync with the exact motion of Lena’s hands in her hair. Lena was trying to control her own building excitement, but with Bianca now pressed against her and stroking her thighs, she was afraid she might cum just from the contact and closeness of her lover after so much time. Her breathing was becoming labored as was Bianca’s. The young brunette then turned to face her lover. She moved Lena back so that the water would remove the shampoo Lena had applied, far to well. As Bianca lean her head back and let the water rush over her Lena leaned down, held her lover by her upper arms and began to kiss Bianca with total abandon. She then ended the kiss and began to plant soft sensual kisses on Bianca’s jaw, her neck, her chest and finally she kissed each of Bianca’s nipples before she took one into her warm mouth and began to suckle it.

“Oh God, Lena,” Bianca cried. Her body now overwhelmed with sensations so wonderful she thought she might faint.

Lena stopped and looked at her beloved, wanted to be sure she hadn’t gone too far, too fast in the heat of the moment.

“Are you alright, Bianca?”

“God yes, please don’t stop,” Bianca said as she pulled Lena’s head back to her waiting breast.

But Lena was becoming concerned about one or both of them having an accident in the shower and desperately wanted to move this to the bedroom. The last thing she wanted was one or both of them ending up in the hospital, and God forbid having to tell people why. Her legs were feeling weak as she was sure so were Bianca’s. She lifted her head again.

“Bianca, we need to take this to the other room. I don’t think I can guarantee either of us will be left standing and in one piece if we don’t.”

Bianca’s pupils were fully dilated by now and not much blood was making its way to her brain. She wasn’t sure, but she thought Lena was talking to her. Lena saw her dilemma and first turned off the water then she took Bianca’s hand and led her out of the shower.

“What?” Bianca asked in confusion.

“Just come with me, Bianca.”

“I thought I was, Lena. Why did you stop?”

Lena smiled at Bianca’s racy joke, but kept focused on getting both of them to the bed.

They finally came to the side of the bed and Lena sat down, moving her body to the far side and reached out for Bianca to now join her. The young brunette still aroused and confused took her lover’s hand, praying Lena would now pick up where they had left off in the shower. They lay on their sides now, facing each other. Lena caressed her lover’s cheek as she told her she loved her.

“I love you too, Lena. Please make love to me.”

“Yes, my love. All for you, what we do here now is all for you.”

Lena then using her long, strong arms pulled Bianca into her body and engulfed her young lover in her embrace. Lena drew Bianca’s earlobe into her waiting mouth. She ran her tongue over and around the soft round flesh, then sucked on it, thus emitting such sweet sounds from her lover it put a smile on Lena’s lips as she continued. Bianca’s arms were wrapped around her lover, her hands moving methodically up and down Lena’s back. Their breasts pressed against one another, causing such a sweet sensation each woman felt both weak and aroused by it. Their bodies reveled in the closeness, neither wanting anything to bring this moment to an end.

Lena released the precious earlobe and now kissed and suckled Bianca’s pulse point. Something she remembered her lover truly craved. Bianca’s body remembered this as well as her back arched and hips trust harder against her lover. Lena’s hand caressed her lover’s breast she had been nursing just moments ago in the shower, as she continued her ministrations on Bianca’s neck. Bianca’s hands began to roam down towards Lena’s firm ass, pulling her closer, longing to feel her lover’s core pressed against her now as well. But Lena wanted to slow things down. She knew and understood Bianca’s body’s sense of urgency. For the satisfaction, the release, but she also knew Bianca’s heart. She wanted their first time to be more then a quick release from months of abstinence. She knew her lover would want to make this a time to remember. She pulled back just a little and looked into Bianca’s eyes.

“Do you trust me, Bianca?”

“Yes, my love.”

“Then let me do this. Let me set the pace. I promise I won’t let you down.”

Bianca suddenly knew what Lena meant. Her basic needs shifted to love in a moment. A moment she would treasure forever. This amazing woman, before her, knew her better then she knew herself. Bianca released her hold on her lover and lay back on the bed. She would give herself totally to Lena now, thankful for the decision.

Lena then spent hours worshiping her lover, becoming one with Bianca in both body and soul. She spoke to her as she made slow, tender, caring love to her precious Bianca. They spent what seemed like an hour alone lost in each other’s kiss, never knowing that such a simple act could make them feel so complete and fulfilled. This evening was about rediscovering their love, not just their sexual needs. There would be plenty of days in their future when lust and passion was the driving force and there was nothing wrong with that, but not this night. They loved, they held, they promised each other eternal love. And finally they fell asleep in each others arms. And slept the most peaceful sleep each of them had had in well over a year. They had rediscovered the magic. Each one nestled in the others arms with the look of love engraved on their faces.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

Chapter 13 Maggie (rated R)

It was the morning after and our two ladies were locked in each others arms after their night of love making. Lena was holding Bianca to her breast as they slept. Each of them lost in sweet dreams of what had transpired, just hours before between them. Neither one having slept this well in weeks and most likely would have continued sleeping for many more hours had fate not come calling.

Lena was the first of the two to wake from their amazing reunion evening together. She had been awakened by that familiar computer call “You’ve got mail”. She hadn’t noticed that Bianca had hooked up her lap top computer to the internet connection in their room, when she had unpacked. The young brunette had been concerned about missing any important messages from home, about Uncle Jack, her Mother or Kendall. After all she had left in quite a hurry, and so many things were going on with her family when she left.

At first Lena was thinking it was her computer, forgetting Bianca would have brought hers as well. Not remembering she had left hers in her Mother’s room, the day before. And as fate would have it, they unfortunately owned the exact same Sony VAIO laptop, a coincidence that would prove disastrous in a very short period of time for both of them.

Lena found herself covered in Bianca’s beautiful legs and arms, and really didn’t want to move from this heavenly scene. But she usually received a nightly report, via email from her new friend, Carol, the head nurse on the grave yard shift at the hospital, detailing Paulina’s status during the night. It was something Carol did for Paulina to give her a heads up on what to expect in the morning. Those few times Lena went home to sleep for a few hours and get a change of clothes. Lena disentangled herself from her young lover, who emitted a few annoyed moans as she herself rolled over and pulled the covers up over her neck, as Lena exited the bed.

Lena first went to her closet to locate a bathrobe, wrapping it around her tall frame and headed towards the computer. She sat down at the desk, opened the email that had just arrived and was shocked to see it wasn’t for her. She was even more shocked and dismayed to see who it was from. Bianca had just received an email from Maggie Stone, and not just a Hi how are you email, no something more. It seemed Bianca had not been able to make contact with Maggie before she left, and the young girl was frantic to hear from Kendall, that Bianca had rushed off to Poland to be with Lena. As Lena continued to read the email, baby B was scratching at Lena’s bedroom door, waiting to be let in. The tall brunette rose from the desk, opened her door and scooped up little B into her hands. She took her back to the chair at the desk and lay baby B on her lap, as was their habit, when Lena worked at her computer.

Lena began to read Maggie’s email, to Bianca, again. Part of her feeling guilty about her intruding on Bianca’s privacy, but she couldn’t seem to tear herself away from the offending document. In the email, Maggie was demanding to know when Bianca was returning, why hadn’t she found her best friend and told her she was leaving, was she angry with Maggie and if so why? The young blonde was on a rant and sounded as if she had been drinking, Lena thought. She seemed to Lena to be both irrational and emotional when she wrote the letter. And though Lena was never a huge fan of Maggie’s, the young blonde wasn’t usually this hysterical or over the top in her behavior, unless she felt something was wrong with Bianca, or as Lena had come to learn the hard way, if Maggie felt Lena was doing something to hurt Bianca. Evidently this tirade was a combination of both. Lena was really beginning to feel guilty now about reading the email and decided to stop. As she began to lower the top part of the computer to close it, her eyes scanned down a little further in the email. Her heart actually felt like it had stopped when she saw them, the words she had dreaded to hear leave Maggie’s mouth for months, “Bianca, I think I’m in love with you.” Lena froze; nothing could pry her away from this now. She needed to know what else Maggie had to say. This, after all, was Lena’s greatest fear, Maggie finally admitting her true feelings to Bianca and Bianca leaving Lena because of it.

Dear Bianca,

I can’t believe you left town without telling me or saying goodbye. Why did you do that? Kendall told me you were in a hurry and you didn’t want to leave a voice mail for me, but still, you could have called my cell phone or something. You didn’t have to spend your time finding me; I would have come to you while you packed. Something tells me you didn’t want to face me, to tell me what you were about to do. There is no love lost between Lena and I, and I guess you felt I would try to convince you to stay here. And I admit I probably would have. You know that I have never liked or trusted Lena and I guess I never will. But Bianca, I only feel this way because I worry about you being hurt again. That and – well – God B, how do I tell you what I have been waiting and trying to tell you for weeks now? And now you’re gone, maybe never to return. I guess I should just say it, so here goes. Bianca, I think I’m in love with you. No, I know that I am in love with you. I knew it before I kissed you that day in February on the couch, and then I denied it. I have wanted to tell you and – God, kiss you again more then I can say. Bianca please don’t leave me. Please come back to Pine Valley so we can talk about this. I can’t believe now that I have finally been able to be honest with myself and you, I might lose you forever. Please call me, email me, anything. I need to talk to you as soon as possible. Please Bianca, if our friendship – if I mean anything to you at all, please call.

Love,

Maggie

Lena felt such a wave of nausea rush over her. She hurriedly put baby B on the floor and ran to the bathroom, as fast as her feet would take her. While kneeling over the toilet, Lena began to heave. She was shaking and crying as her body discarded what little food she had left in her system. This can’t be happening, she kept saying to herself. Why now? After all the times she had asked Maggie, begged her to be honest about her feelings for Bianca, and the damn blonde lied and denied it every fucking time. Lena knew if Maggie was there now, with her and Bianca, making this profession of love, Lena would be hard pressed not to bitch slap the living hell out of the woman. Bianca didn’t need this now and neither did Lena. Just then Lena felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Bianca standing over her holding a small face towel in her hand and offering it to Lena.

“Thank you.” Lena said as she took the towel being offered to her.

“What happened, Lena? You look so scared and upset, did the Hospital call? Is it Paulina?”

Lena wiped her face with the towel, continuing to hold the towel to her mouth as she tried to stand up and regain her composure. Bianca helped her lover up and held her one arm, while Lena now leaned on the edge of the sink and dabbed the face towel in the cold water she had turned on. Lena then applied the cold cloth to her face, her breathing was beginning to slow and her heart stopped racing. Soon she felt strong enough to stand straight and turn to face Bianca again.

“I’m sorry I worried you, Bianca. It isn’t Mother. She is fine, as far as I know. Bianca, can you give me a minute please, and then I promise to answer all your questions.”

“Yes, of course.” Bianca went to hug Lena, but her lover was feeling much to disgusting for Bianca to touch her right now. That and the guilt were making it impossible for Lena to really look into Bianca’s eyes.

“Just give me a second and I will be right out to explain. If you need to use the bathroom, feel free to use my Mother’s, she won’t mind.”

“Alright, I will. But I will wait for you out here. Please don’t be long; you have me very worried, Lena.”

“I know and I’m sorry, but I will be out soon. I just want to clean up and then I will be right out.”

“OK,” Bianca said as she left bathroom and closed the door behind her. She leaned down and picked up baby B, who wasn’t being as finicky as the night before with this new guest.

“Don’t worry, little one, your Mama will be fine. Let’s get you something to eat and drink while she cleans up.”

Bianca fed the kitten, used Paulina’s bathroom for her basic needs and wondered what could be bothering Lena, to get her in such a state, if not her Mother.

Lena, in the meantime brushed her teeth, washed her face and then sat on the edge of the tub running her fingers through her hair. Trying to think how she would tell Bianca what had caused her to lose it this time. But to her dismay, Lena would discover she had spent too long in the room and Bianca now knew or suspected what had caused this panic attack, if that was what is what.

When Lena finally left the bathroom, she found Bianca sitting in front of her computer with an angry scowl on her face, as a new wave of fear threaten to take over. Lena couldn’t move or speak. She waited to hear what Bianca had to say.

“Why?” Bianca asked in an accusing tone.

“It was and accident.” Lena barely uttered in reply.

“Accident! How the hell is it an accident reading someone else’s emails?”

“Your computer – it’s – it’s exactly like mine.”

“What?” Bianca was getting more and more annoyed by Lena’s answer. An answer she thought couldn’t be any lamer if her lover tried.

“We have the same lap top, Bianca; I thought it was mine, not yours. I didn’t realize you brought yours. I was barely awake, when I read it.”

“Alright, but then why did you read it all, once you saw who it was for and who it was from? And don’t try and tell me you didn’t read it. Your reaction makes it clear that you did.”

“Bianca, what can I say? I couldn’t believe what I was reading. You think I’m proud of that? I would never do that to you on purpose. Betray your privacy and trust like that. As I said, it was an accident. But once I began to read it, I was in shock and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.”

“Well you should have, Lena. You should have trusted me to read it and talk to you about it. But now…”

“I know, Bianca, but you have to understand this is the very thing I have feared for ages and wanted to discuss with you when you brought Maggie up in the cab. But I couldn’t do it then. I guess we will discuss it now.”

“I think not, Lena.” Bianca slammed her computer shut and stormed out of the room. Leaving Lena to wonder how much damage had been done by Maggie’s little admission, and Lena’s mistake in reading and learning about it before Bianca.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

Chapter 14 I’m sorry (Rated R)

Twenty minutes had gone by and Bianca had been sitting at the kitchen table, with her head in her hands, trying to figure out what had just happened. She was also wondering why Lena, in all this time, hadn’t come out to try and speak with her. By now Bianca was starting to feel guilty too. Had she overacted to what Lena had done, after all she had to keep in mind the state of mind Lena was in these days. The daily stress and anxiety she was feeling at all times because of her Mother’s health. But Bianca had been through so much lately too. Her nerves were every bit as on edge as were her lover’s. And what about Maggie, what the hell was she supposed to think and do with this “news”, this “admission” from her friend. And that kiss, she had never told Lena about that kiss and now it was out there, out with this declaration of love, from Maggie.

If Bianca were to be totally honest with herself, a great deal of her reaction to Lena was her own guilt for having kept the kiss from Lena. And now she was having to deal with Lena learning the truth, not from her but from Maggie. Bianca took a deep breath, stood up and headed back to their bedroom. She owed Lena an apology and an explanation, she knew that now. She knew in her heart Lena wasn’t trying to spy on her, like she used to in the old days. This only happened because of Lena’s honest concern and now validated worries about how Maggie felt towards Bianca. They needed to talk, but more importantly, Bianca needed to let Lena voice her concerns at last and have a chance to explain what had happened. Bianca reached for the doorknob and opened the bedroom door.

Lena was showered, dressed and about to leave to go check on her Mother. She had decided to let Bianca have time to deal with her feelings, while she went to take care of her Mother’s needs. Besides, she was only holding on again by a thread, so she decided it was best to focus on what she knew she could handle, that being her Mother’s care, and not what she couldn’t. Lena heard the door open as she put on her earrings. She turned to see Bianca enter the room, with what looked like a shy smile. Lena wasn’t sure what to make of that and decided to say nothing, hoping Bianca would break the ice and make the first move in this painful situation before them.

“Are you leaving?” Bianca asked

“Yes, I need to check on Mother. Lord only knows what kind of night she had, and I don’t usually stay away this long.”

“Well, I am sure the hospital would have called, if she needed you or anything had happened.”

“True, but I need to get back.” Lena wasn’t in the mood for small talk and it was clear Bianca didn’t want to discuss what had happened, so she grabbed her purse and headed out the door. But as she was about to walk past Bianca, the young woman reached for Lena’s arm and stopped her.

“Lena – I’m sorry. Please don’t leave yet and don’t go away mad. Please.”

Lena closed her eyes and tried to listen to Bianca’s pleas. The pressure on her chest was making it almost impossible to breathe. What did Bianca want from her? Why was she apologizing to her, when it was Lena who had f*cked up everything by reading Maggie’s email.

“Lena, please call the hospital and see how your Mother is doing. I don’t want to keep you from her, but if she is alright for now, we really need to talk. She will know something is wrong if you go now, like this, and that won’t help her either.”

Lena knew Bianca was right, her Mother would sense something was terribly wrong and that would only upset her more. They did need to talk and if Bianca was willing, Lena wanted to more then anything. She didn’t want their first full day together to start and end with harsh words and a fight. She covered Bianca’s hand with her own and told her she would call the hospital. That they would talk once she was done making sure all was well with her Mother. She excused herself and went to use the phone in the hall.

Once Lena had spoken with the nurse and her Mother and was assured by everyone her Mother was doing as well as could be expected, she told her Mother she would come by in a few hours and visit. Paulina assured her daughter she would be fine till then and to take as much time as she needed to be with Bianca. Paulina could hear the tension in Lena’s voice and knew something had happened between Lena and Bianca. Before she hung up, she told her daughter that she knew something was wrong and that she wanted Lena to address whatever it was before she came to see her.

“This girl loves you, Lena. Whatever has happened between you can be fixed. You are both tired and overwrought. Talk to her, Lena, and don’t stop talking until you both have made up. Do you hear me, my child?”

“Yes, Mama, I promise.” Lena said as a tear ran down her face.

“Good, now go to her and make this right. I want my two girls to be smiling and happy when you come to see me again. That is an order.”

Lena laughed and told her Mother she loved her and hung up the phone. As she did she felt Bianca’s hand on her shoulder, squeezing it firmly, but lovingly. Lena turned towards Bianca as she hung up the phone. Bianca wiped the tears on Lena’s face away with her thumb.

“How is she?”

“She’s fine. As well as she can be.”

“Good, I’m so glad.”

Bianca took Lena’s hand and led her back to their bedroom. The two sat on the edge of the bed, not looking at each other for a few moments and then Lena finally spoke, once she knew her voice wouldn’t fail her.

“I’m so sorry, Bianca. I know I hurt you and betrayed a sacred trust. I swear if you can forgive me, it will never happen again.”

Bianca took her lover’s cold, shaking hands in her own before she spoke. “Lena, please look at me.” Lena raised her head and looked into her sweet lover’s face and warm, caring eyes. The tall brunette began to relax for the first time since their argument began.

“You didn’t do anything wrong – well, ok so you read the email. Granted while I’m not thrilled about that, I do understand how and why it happened. I was just as shocked as you by it all and finding you like I did when I woke up. Then reading what Maggie had to say. I think we both went a little overboard.”

“But…”

“No, sweetheart, please don’t say it. I overreacted and I never should have walked out on you like that. You were being honest with me about what had happened and you were trying to tell me how worried you have been all along about Maggie. I wish you had told me before. I had no idea you had these concerns.”

“I wanted to, Bianca, but I felt so stupid, petty and jealous, when Maggie kept telling me I was wrong about what I suspected.”

“Well, I suspect you don’t feel stupid now.” Bianca said with a nervous smile. “Sorry, I’m finding it hard to know what to say about all this.”

“Bianca?”

“Yes, Lena,” Bianca knew what was coming next and dreaded having to answer Lena’s question.

“I have three questions for you. Why did you kiss Maggie and not tell me? And are you in love with her still?”

“Let me answer the last one first, because I think you need to hear this before anything else I have to say. I am not and have not been in love with Maggie since I met you, Lena. Even when we weren’t together, I still loved you and needed you. I just couldn’t handle that need with everything else that was going on in my life at the time. Do you believe me?”

“I want to, Bianca, but if you don’t or didn’t love her, why or how did the kiss happen and why keep it from me?”

“The kiss happened when Maggie thought I was going to run away to Europe with the Baby and never come back. I didn’t kiss her, Lena, she kissed me, totally out of the blue and then she left.”

“I remember that day, she was acting really strangely and I asked you why, after she left. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not sure, mostly I was confused by what had happened and I didn’t want to upset you over something that seemed to mean nothing at the time. Later when I asked her why she had done it, she said it was because she was worried about losing me as a friend and it didn’t mean what I thought it meant. She begged me to let it go and forget about it, so I did, and as you know soon after that she moved out and started living with Jamie. So

I didn’t think any more about it.”

“Are you sure that is why, Bianca? Are you sure it isn’t because you hoped it meant more? That it meant she loved you. You were in love with her Bianca. Are you 100% certain now that you know she loves you as well, that you don’t have the same feelings for her?”

“I’m sure, Lena.”

“Because now is the time to tell me, Bianca. I couldn’t take it if in a few weeks or months from now you decide to give into your true feelings for her. If it is over, now that you know Maggie wants you and loves you, then let’s end this now. Please Bianca, really think before you answer. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth.”

“This is the truth, Lena, please believe me and trust me when I say this is the truth. What you and I shared last evening was and is the truth.” Bianca then kissed Lena, cupping her lover’s face with her hands as she intensified the kiss. Lena hearing Bianca’s words and feeling the love in her kiss, finally released her fears. Bianca was hers and hers alone. Maggie Stone could profess all the love from now till doomsday, Bianca was Lena’s and always would be.

This didn’t mean this would be the last they would hear from Maggie Stone, but it was the last time she would come between them. Bianca needed for Lena to know and believe that with every fiber of her being.

“I want to make love to you, Lena. I want to show you how much you mean to me, the way you showed me last night.”

“Yes,” was all Lena could say as she devoured Bianca’s lips with her own. She burned for this young woman. In ways she had never felt for another human being in her life. She wanted Bianca to take her, to show her once and for all she was the only love in her life. Lena wanted to feel the passion and need from her lover. She wanted Bianca to show her the depth of her feelings for her, with no reservations or holding back. But then Lena remembered – remembered the rape – what she wanted and needed from Bianca, it wasn’t fair to ask or expect from her now. She stopped their kiss and pulled back from Bianca.

“Lena, what – what’s wrong?”

“We can’t do this, Bianca. It’s not fair to you. You aren’t ready for this yet.”

“Lena, baby, stop worrying about me, after last night I am ready for anything. You showed me real love and tenderness. I’m not afraid to feel anymore Lena, not with you. Let me show you just how much I do feel for you and you alone, my love.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Bianca said with a smile and gently pushed her lover down on to the bed.

They were about to make love with the same passion they had that first time in Lena’s hotel room. But this time, it was Bianca’s turn in the driver’s seat, not Lena’s. The blood went rushing to every erogenous zone in Lena’s body as she waited to see what Bianca had in store for her.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

Chapter 15 Love and Passion ( Rated NC-17)

“I want to make love to you, Lena. I want to show you how much you mean to me, the way you showed me last night.”

“Yes,” was all Lena could say as she devoured Bianca’s lips with her own. She burned for this young woman. In ways she had never felt for another human being in her life. She wanted Bianca to take her, to show her once and for all she was the only love in her life. Lena wanted to feel the passion and need from her lover. She wanted Bianca to show her the depth of her feelings for her, with no reservations or holding back. But then Lena remembered – remembered the rape – what she wanted and needed from Bianca, it wasn’t fair to ask or expect from her now. She stopped their kiss and pulled back from Bianca.

“Lena, what – what’s wrong?”

“We can’t do this, Bianca. It’s not fair to you. You aren’t ready for this yet.”

“Lena, baby, stop worrying about me, after last night I am ready for anything. You showed me real love and tenderness. I’m not afraid to feel anymore Lena, not with you. Let me show you just how much I truly feel for you and you alone, my love.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Bianca said with a smile and gently pushed her lover down on to the bed.

They were about to make love with the same passion they had that first time in Lena’s hotel room. But this time, it was Bianca’s turn to be in control, not Lena. The blood went rushing to every erogenous zone in Lena’s body as she waited to see what Bianca had in store for her.

Lena’s breathing was becoming more and more labored as she stared deeply into Bianca’s eyes. Lena could feel the craving radiating off of each of their bodies. It both frightened and excited her. She wanted to totally let go as Bianca asked her too, but what if it proved to be too much? Before Lena could even finish her thought, Bianca pressed her young body against her lover’s, capturing Lena’s mouth with her own, running her hands through Lena’s thick, dark hair. Just as suddenly, she ended the kiss, brushing her cheek against Lena’s and whispering in her ear in a low sultry voice. A voice her lover had never heard Bianca use before.

“I want you, Lena. I want you to feel a passion you have never felt with anyone else. I want our bodies to become one with that passion, a passion so strong that it will fuse our bodies and souls together for life. I want to make you mine, Lena. I want you to make me yours for all eternity.”

“Yes, Bianca. God yes,” Lena wrapped her arms around Bianca, pulling her in tight.

Lena had reawakened the woman in Bianca. She had freed her from all fear and dread of intimacy once and for all. These were the greatest gifts Lena could have given her, last night, and now Bianca was going to prove through her actions, not words, once and for all that they were meant to be together for life.

Lena released her hold on her young lover, as her hands began to slip Bianca’s robe from off her shoulders. She wanted – no needed to see her young lover, to feel her, taste her sweet soft skin. But Bianca stopped Lena. The young brunette pulled herself back into an upright position, straddling Lena’s hips, removing her lover’s hands from her robe. Lena returned a confused look to her lover. Why had Bianca stopped her? But Bianca quelled Lena’s fears and doubts with her trademark smile.

Bianca untied the belt to her robe, dropping it to the floor as it came undone. She then pulled her robe open with her left hand, running her middle finger of her right over her moist lips. Her tongue grazing only the tip of her finger, before she began to run it down between her breasts, over her abdomen and stopped just before her core.

Their eyes were locked on each other. Lena was transfixed watching Bianca behave in a way unlike anything she had ever seen her do before. Lena found herself mesmerized, excited. Her young lover was seducing her. She was finding it hard to breathe, her body aching for Bianca’s touch.

“Bianca - please.”

“Please what?”

“Feel you – taste you.” Lena moaned in quiet desperation.

Lena went to raise her hands once again in an attempt to remove Bianca’s robe. But her young lover waved her finger at her, indicating no, you mustn’t with a hint of a wink and an arched eyebrow, as if to challenge Lena. So the woman remained still, waiting to see what her young lover would do next.

Bianca began to remove her robe, slowly over each shoulder, never once taking her eyes off of Lena’s. Having removed the offending garment, Bianca held it to her side with one hand, dropping it to the floor. Lena made an audible gasp. She didn’t think she could be any more aroused by her love, but she was to discover very shortly, she was quite wrong.

Bianca smiled, running the tip of her tongue over her full lips. Leaning forward and resting the weight of her upper body on her arms and the palms of her hands, placing her breasts just inches away from Lena’s mouth.

“See something you like, Lena?” Bianca asked, tucking a strand of hair behind Lena’s ear, causing her left breast to momentarily graze across her lover’s chin.

Lena briefly closed her eyes. The sensation of Bianca’s flesh touching hers was sending a chill through her body. Lena cleared her throat, wondering if she still had the power of speech. Her voice cracking as she attempted her reply

“Yes.”

“Good.” Bianca said. Shifting her body just enough to balance herself with her right hand now, as she began to unbutton Lena’s blouse with her left.

Lena’s right hand made a feeble attempt, finally, to reach for the breast that had just moments ago touched her. But Bianca quickly and playfully smacked the daring hand away, scolding her lover.

“It’s not your turn yet, my love. For now you may look, but not touch. Not till we have all your clothes off this glorious body of yours.”

“But,” Lena protested.

“My rules, this time, Lena. Last night we did it your way. Today we do it mine.”

Lena knew it was useless arguing, so she tried to expedite the removal process, in the hopes she could keep from losing her mind with the burning need she had. She attempted to undo her belt buckle to her slacks, but Bianca glared at her.

“Please, Bianca. Give me this much.”

The young brunette relented with a smile and nodded her approval. Bianca had never been in control like this before, it excited her in ways she never dreamed, but most of all she wanted Lena to feel the same passion and need Bianca always felt in her lover’s presence. She was going to drive Lena to distraction before she was done. She wanted – no needed Lena to need her more then the air she breathed. Then she would give her lover all she had to give, to prove to Lena she was hers, hers alone. She wanted to hear Lena cry out “Bianca” when she came. And collapse in her arms, as Bianca had in Lena’s several times last night, while shouting Lena’s name.

Lena finished with her belt, button and zipper on her slacks, moving to the last annoying button on her own blouse, Bianca hadn’t gotten to yet. Their hands just barely touching now as Bianca was reaching to tackle the final one.

“Hi.” Lena said with a nervous laugh, getting caught in the act.

“Hi, yourself, naughty girl,” Bianca teased, insisting once again that Lena keep those busy hands to herself. Lena placed them behind her head, this time, fearful of undesirable repercussions if she didn’t behave from this point forward.

“That’s my good girl.” Bianca said, with a huge evil grin.

Bianca began to slowly wiggle her body off Lena’s hips and over her long, luscious legs, stopping once she felt the edge of the bed against her own. The young brunette took a moment and stared at Lena’s body. Her hands finding their way inside the now opened blouse, pushing the smooth, silk, tailored white material off of her lover’s body, removing the clasp to Lena’s bra that fastened in the front. Her lover’s bare breasts now only a breath away from her hands.

Lena’s own hands slipped from underneath her head, desperate to touch her lover. The heat between her legs grew with each second of Bianca’s glorious torture.

Without even looking up, Bianca said “No” to Lena, forcing her to once again to keep her hands by her side. Bianca peeled back the white, lace bra from her lover’s exquisite breasts, admiring the beauty of these twin treasures before she cupped each one with the palm of her hands. Kissing each hungry bud with her lips, flicking her tongue playfully over them thus making them even harder then they were before.

Lena’s hands grabbing the comforter, her back and hips arching towards her lover, begging for more. Soft whimpering moans emanating from Lena, wondering how much more of this she could stand, before her own needs would force her to take her Bianca. Only she couldn’t, no matter how much her need told her to. Hands now clutching her hair, her eyes tightly shut, her brain praying Bianca would take her, take her now.

Bianca, aware of Lena’s frustration, worked herself back up Lena’s body, positioning her equally aroused core flush against her lover’s stomach. Pressing her own naked breasts against Lena’s and cupping her lover’s face with her hands. Doing this before she began the deepest, most sensual kiss either of them had ever shared.

Lena’s hands automatically pulled Bianca’s head closer to hers, as they devoured each other, their bodies rocking against one another. Lena’s body and brain were on overload. It didn’t matter Bianca wasn’t even close to “touching her” where she so desperately needed to be touched. The kiss, the feel of Bianca’s body – breasts –wet –writhing –scorching her mouth and skin. Suddenly without warning Lena came and came hard. Pulling back from their kiss and crying out.

“God, Bianca! Oh My God!”

Bianca was stunned. Lena had come and they hadn’t. Bianca leaned her forehead against Lena’s, watching the woman try to catch her breath.

“Baby – did you?”

“Yes – God yes, Bianca.” Lena said and then started to laugh.

Bianca sat up, a small pout started to cross her lips.

Lena looked into her sweet lover’s eyes, stroking the young woman’s cheek with the palm of her hand.

“Sweetie, what’s the matter? Why the pouty lips?”

“Because you already – well, came, and I didn’t get to do even half of what I wanted to do to you yet.”

“Bianca, my love, the day is young and so are we. We have only just begun. Trust me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, my sweet girl. I couldn’t help it, Bianca, that kiss – God everything you were doing to me. I’ve never come so hard in my life. Do you see what you do to me, my love? And what about these, I sure as hell won’t be wearing these slacks again any time soon.”

“Oh my God!” Bianca said, covering her mouth as she began to laugh uncontrollably.

The two of them holding one another now, laughing and enjoying the moment. The first real carefree moment they had had since Bianca arrived.

“Please don’t be offended by what I am about to say, Bianca. But I think I needed to laugh that hard as I did – well the other.” Lena said with a deep crimson blush in her cheeks.

“Oh, I’d say you did both pretty hard, Kundera.”

“Yes, I believe you are right, my love.”

“God, I love it when you blush.” Bianca said, kissing her lover sweetly on the lips. The young woman then sat up and folded her arms across her bare chest.

“Now, was that just and idle promise or am I really going to get you naked this time and have my way with you, my lady?” Bianca’s eyebrow arched and a look of determination was now gracing her beautiful face.

Lena, using her height and strength, grabbed Bianca by the waist and flipped the young woman on to her back. With Lena now locked between Bianca’s legs and pressed flat against her body.

“Oh, I’m most assuredly getting naked this time, my dear, and both of us are going to have our way.” Lena grinned. “You can count on that.”

“Alright then, let’s get to it.” Bianca smirked.

Lena took her cue, by pulling her blouse and bra off her body with great flurry and speed. Followed, with Bianca’s help, went the shoes, slacks and panties.

Lena then stood before her lover, in all her glory, the two taking a moment to enjoy the view. Bianca reached out, grabbed Lena and forced her down on the bed, once again.

“Now, where was I?”

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

This chapter is my dedication to Eden/Bianca for what we know AMC will never do to acknowledge what the character Bianca suffered last year on this date and everyday since.

Chapter 16    Remembering July 8th, 2003 (Rated R for language)

Paulina is coming home today.  Lena was ecstatic when we visited with her the past 3 days and noticed how much stronger and better her Mother was looking as each day passed.  The nurses and Doctors have tried to tell her this is only a temporary situation, and that the cancer is not in remission, as she seemed to want to believe.  But both Lena and Paulina are just happy to have this time, for whatever reason the Gods appear to be giving it to them.

I couldn’t be happier for both of them, but today is anything but a day of celebration for me. No matter how hard I try to make it be for them.  The closer we got to this date, the more it started to invade my subconscious.  God how I wish my therapist was here, but I don’t want to worry Lena or her Mother, so I have kept these feelings to myself.  I know if I can just get through today, I’ll be fine. I’m sure of it. 

Part of me was surprised and a little hurt this morning when Lena hadn’t remembered.  I was hoping she might wake up and ask me how I was handling today and hold me. Not that she didn’t treat me like the princess she has everyday since my arrival. But today – well it’s different.  And part of me prayed she would remember.  I don’t want to tell her – remind her, because that will make her feel guilty and I don’t want to do that.  She has enough to deal with; she doesn’t need me making her feel like she has done something wrong when she hasn’t.  I have to get over this and over myself.

I shouldn’t even be thinking about what Lena could do for me now. She does so much for both her Mother and me and never thinks of herself. She has enough to handle with Paulina coming home today. How could I possibly expect her to remember? I’m just being selfish, this is their time. Lena and I have a lifetime to look forward to, and to deal with “things”. Where as Pauline - well according to the Doctors, this may well be the last few weeks, maybe days Paulina will be or seem truly healthy – before the end. My situation doesn’t even compare.

So I can’t – no, I won’t drag everyone down because of this horrid date.  I’m stronger then that.  I don’t need to wallow in self-pity and pull Lena into it as well, and certainly not her poor Mother.  It’s over.  It’s been over for year now.  Besides, I have things to do.  Important things.  That’s why I stayed behind, to get everything ready for Lena and her Mother.  I have to stop dwelling on this shit.

I got all the laundry and dishes done.  Made the beds, folded the linens, towels and put up clean ones in both of the bathrooms.  I have to say, I see now why they call these “hag chores”.  Plus now I see why my Mother never did any of this crap in her life.  I didn’t realize how much Maggie spoiled me, when we roomed together.  Since I was pregnant, she insisted on doing most if not all the chores.   But it feels good to be busy, though the first thing Lena and I are going to get when we move into our own home is a housekeeper.  Lord, I really am my Mother’s daughter.  I just need to make some lunch for the three of us, and everything should be ready before they get here.  See, Bianca, just stay busy and you won’t have time to think about…

Baby B is driving me fucking mad.  She hasn’t stopped crying or getting under foot for the past hour.  At first it seemed cute, but enough is enough. She won’t let me hold her. She won’t eat or drink anything I give to her, and gives me a look when I try, like I’m the Anti Christ for God sake.  I swear this cat hates me, because of all the time Lena spends with me now. And because we lock her out of our bedroom.  Lena really didn’t want to, but I caught the little furball twice, sitting on my pillow when we were asleep and giving me a look that wasn’t exactly radiating love, if you know what I mean.  So Lena relented and put her outside our room from that point on.  Besides, Paulina will be home soon, and Lena assured me Baby B always sleeps with her Mother.  Thank God for small favors. 

I heard something and then realized it must be the doorbell. I haven’t heard it since I arrived. It occurs to me Lena must have forgotten her keys. So I try to get to the door, but I almost trip over the little furry princess and give her a glare of my own.

I dry my hands on a small hand towel I had on my shoulder while I was cooking and reach for the doorknob.  Smile, ready to great my two ladies, open the door to find – MAGGIE! What the Fuck?

“Hi Bianca,” She says to me with this huge grin.

Jesus, I didn’t think this day could get any worse.  But then I forgot. I’m

Bianca Freakin’ Montgomery.  It can always get worse, and just did.

“Maggie – how – why?” I ask, almost incapable of speech.

“Well if you let me in, B, I’ll tell you.”  The little blonde said, still holding her luggage, obviously having come straight to the house from the airport.

“Maggie, you can’t come in here. Lena and her Mother will be home any minute.

And how the hell did you find me – us?” I demand, blocking her entrance while waiting for some kind of answer.

“If it isn’t Mary Margaret Stone, what ill wind blew you here?”  Lena said, disdain dripping from every word.

Maggie turned to face her nemesis and smiled her best Stone smile, when she saw Paulina standing with her daughter.

“Hi, Lena, I’m sorry I’m in your way.” Maggie said, moving herself and her luggage away from the front entrance to their house.

“More then you know,” Lena mumbled under her breath.  “I’m sorry, Bianca, to interrupt your reunion with Maggie, but I need to get Mother to bed.”  Paulina held Lena’s arm as they both walked by Maggie and Bianca and headed towards Paulina’s bedroom.

Bianca stepped outside, closing the front door behind her, once Lena and her

Mother had cleared the front doorway.

“Maggie, how could you?  How could you come here – here of all places?  And how did you find me?”

“Bianca, is it so much to ask for a little common courtesy to ask me in?”

“Maggie, you don’t get courtesy when you sneak up on people uninvited and unannounced.” I said, trying to keep my voice down. Not wanting to upset Lena any more then she must be already.

“Fine, then meet me at my hotel tomorrow for breakfast and I will tell you everything.  Here’s the name and address.”  Maggie handed me a piece of paper with the information on it for the hotel.

“The number is on there too.  Look B, I just wanted to be here for you because – well you know today being the day and all.  I was worried about you and I never heard back from you with my email.”

Bianca was so confused by this turn of events.  She didn’t know if she should strangle Maggie for showing up like this or hug her when she “said” why she had come.  She was after all, still her best friend.  She decided to go for the latter and hug her friend.  Maggie was thrilled when Bianca hugged her, hugging her friend back and not wanting to let her go.

“OK, needing air now, Maggie,” Bianca joked, the two breaking the hug and staring at each other waiting for the other to speak.

“I’m sorry, Maggie…”

“No, B, I’m sorry.  You’re right I should have told you I was coming.  It was stupid wanting to surprise you.  I mean of all days, I guess the last thing you would want today would be a surprise.”

“Look Maggie, this just isn’t a good time.  I really appreciate you thinking if me.  But as you can see, today is Paulina’s first day home in over a week and I – we really need to see to her now.  I hope you understand.”

“Yes, of course, I’ll just catch the cab back to the hotel.”

“Cab?”  Bianca hadn’t even noticed there was a taxi waiting in front of the house.

“Yes, I had him wait, hoping you and I might go back to my hotel and visit. But

I see now isn’t the best time.”

“No, really it isn’t, Maggie.  But I will meet you tomorrow, for a late breakfast.  I have some things that I will have to do before I meet you.  Say 9:00am.”

“That would be wonderful. I’m sure after that long flight I will want to sleep in.”

“Yes, I’m sure you will.  So till then.”

“Till then.  Thank you, Bianca.”

“For what?”

“For agreeing to meet with me tomorrow.”

“Yes, well, we have a great many things we need to discuss, Maggie, so we might as well do them tomorrow.”

Maggie hugged Bianca one more time, grabbed her bags and headed back to the cab.

Bianca watched her friend leave, then re-entered the house. Closed the door, breathed a deep sigh, turned towards Paulina’s room and ran into Lena.

“So, Maggie’s here.”

“Yes,” Bianca answered, having a hard time looking at Lena now.

“Oh happy day,” Lena said, putting her arm around Bianca and walking them both towards the kitchen.  “I need to get Mama something to eat before she tries to nap.  She is already very tired from her trip from the hospital to here.”

“Yes, I’m sure she is.  Lena – about Maggie.”

“Sweetheart, just let me take care of my Mother and then we can talk endlessly about Maggie.  OK?” Lena asked, running her hand down Bianca’s cheek.

“Do we have to?” Bianca said, with a sigh.

“Yes we do, Bianca.  You know we do.”

“I’ll set the table so you and I can eat and talk when you are done helping Paulina.  Would it be alright if I join the two of you, or do you want some private time with her?”

“We would love to have you join us.  Maybe you could read a little of her book to her while she eats. She loves the sound of your voice and it might help her to sleep once she is done eating.”

“I would love to do that.”

“Wonderful, thank you, my sweet girl,” Lena kissed Bianca, leaving with the lunch for her Mother.

Lena carried the lunch to her Mother’s room finding Paulina sitting on the edge of her bed, searching the bedside table for a pen and her writing paper, finding some and laying it down on the far side of the bed.

“Mama, do you need help getting into bed?” Lena asked, depositing the tray of food on the desk.

“No Lena, I can manage. But there is one thing you can help me with.”

“What’s that, Mama?” coming over to her Mother’s bed and straightening the covers for her once she was in the bed.

“I’m so confused Lena.  I’ve lost all track of time and I wanted to write a letter to my friend, Marlena. But I can’t remember, for the life of me, what the date is and I want to put it on my letter.”

“Mother, you are such a stickler for the darnedest things.  I don’t think Marlena would care if the date weren’t at the top of your letter.”

“Humor me, Lena, and give me the date, please.”

“Yes, Mama, but to tell you the truth I’m not sure what it is either.  I haven’t used my computer for a few days and I’m not even sure what month it is let alone what day with all that’s been going on, so let me look.”

“Yes I dare say you have been far to busy with “other things” the past few days, to concern yourself with the date or your computer.”

Lena blushed at her Mother’s reference to the time spent with Bianca since she arrived in Poland. 

“Mother, please.”

“Lena, you’re a grown woman. I can’t believe you still blush over such things.”

Lena chose to ignore her Mother’s taunting and looked up the date on her computer.

“Oh God no! It can’t be.” Lena said, seeing today’s date was July 8th, 2004.

“What, Lena. What is it?”

“I can’t believe – I can’t believe I forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“Mama, I have to go. I must talk to Bianca.  I’ll be right back.” She quickly picks up the food tray to give to her Mother before she goes.

“Lena, please, tell me.”  Lena puts the tray of soup on her Mother’s lap as she whispers into her ear.

“It’s the 8th, Mama, July 8th.  The day Bianca was…”

“Oh my God, Lena.  Go to her child, go to her now.”

“That’s why Maggie came – today.  She remembered and I didn’t.” Lena sits on the edge of the bed, trying to take it all in. She begins to run her fingers through her hair out of frustration.

“Lena, Bianca understands.”

“But she shouldn’t have to understand, Mama.  I should have known.  I should have remembered”

“Remembered what?”  Bianca asked, coming into the room.  “Did you need something else I can bring for the two of you?”

Lena and Paulina were too shocked to speak seeing Bianca standing there.

“What’s wrong?  What happened?” Bianca asked, perplexed by the looks on their faces.

“Bianca, sweetie, I was just telling Lena I’m going to take a nap now and skip the soup.  I will have some later though, I promise.  I’m really much too tired to eat now.  But thank you so much for going to all this trouble.”

“It wasn’t any trouble, really.  I’ll just heat it up for you when you’re ready,” Bianca says, smiling at Paulina, trying to put her at ease. Lena removes the tray, hands it to Bianca.

“I’ll join you in the kitchen in a minute, Bianca.”

“That’s fine, Lena, take your time.”  Bianca leaves feeling more then a little confused by the mood in Paulina’s room and the look on each of their faces.

Lena then closes the door to her Mother’s room, desperate for some Motherly advice on how to handle the situation with Bianca. She leans against the closed door, almost in and effort to remain standing.

“Mama, what do I say to her?”

“Lena, come sit here, sweetheart.” Paulina pats the side of her bed for Lena to join her. She takes Lena’s hands after she sits, stroking them with her thumbs.

“Lena, there are three things Bianca needs from you today. She needs you to hold her, to tell her you love her and that she must feel free to tell you how she feels and what she needs from you because of this terrible day. And you need to tell her you’re sorry you forgot, but you can’t dwell on that, my girl. This is about her and not you and how badly you feel about forgetting. Move past that, I already know she understands why.”

“How do you know, Mama?” Lena asked, laying her head on her Mother’s shoulder while Pauline held her daughter as they spoke.

“Because she hasn’t even hinted that there might be a problem or given you “a look” because she is hurt you have forgotten. Bianca understands your mind is elsewhere, these days, and will be so thankful to know that you have remembered, so she doesn’t have to handle it all alone in silence.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, my child, I know so. Your Bianca is a very special woman, but a woman nonetheless. If she were upset with you about this, trust me we would both be well aware of that by now.”

Lena smiled; realizing what her Mother meant and knew it was true.

“Go now. Don’t keep her waiting any longer.”

“Yes, Mama, thank you.” Lena kissed her Mother on the cheek before she left her. As Lena was exiting her Mother’s room, Baby B passed her by and jumped up on Paulina’s bed. Lena smiled and mumbled, “Ah, the changing of the guard.”

--------------------

Bianca was sitting playing with her soup, dreading the conversation she and Lena were about to have concerning Maggie’s untimely visit and arrival. She was still baffled as to how Maggie had found her. She presumed David must have given her the money to come, Lord knows Maggie didn’t have that kind of money for the flight or the hotel. Then it occurred to her where Maggie got the info to find her. Her Uncle Jack, she had given him all the information in case of an emergency. He must have felt Maggie wanting to be here for her on this day would qualify, knowing how close Maggie and Bianca were. He had no way of knowing the problems this would create by his generosity in sharing the info. Bianca shook her head. After all there was nothing anyone could do about it now. What was done was done and they all had to make the best of this very awkward situation.

Lena came up behind her lover, placing her hands on Bianca’s shoulders, leaning down and kissing the young woman on the cheek. “I love you, mon amour,” She whispered into Bianca’s ear.

“I know,” Bianca answered, taking Lena’s hand and pulling her to her seat beside the young brunette.

“Do you have any idea how much I missed you today?” Bianca asked, still holding Lena’s hand.

“I hope as much as I was missing you.”

“No, much more,” Bianca answered, kissing the palm of her lover’s hand.

“Bianca – I don’t know where to begin.”

“I know. This Maggie thing…”

“No, Bianca, this isn’t about Maggie.”

“Oh God, its Paulina. Did the Doctors tell you something today?”

“No sweetie, it’s something I did or rather I didn’t do or forgot.” Lena said, brushing her other hand over Bianca’s cheek, cupping her beloved’s face as she spoke.

“Lena, I don’t understand.”

“Bianca, I forgot. I forgot all about today. I’m so sorry.” Lena touched her forehead to Bianca’s, continuing to caress her face as she spoke.

“It’s been a year since - and I can’t believe I forgot. I’m so sorry, Bianca, but I’m here for you now. And I’m here to listen or - whatever you need.”

Bianca was so moved by Lena’s confession and honest concern, it almost broke her heart. She held the hand caressing her face, leaning into the love it offered. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief. She didn’t have to pretend anymore. She didn’t have to be strong or deny her feelings she had been fighting all day. Lena was here now. She was here to help her. Be her rock, just as she always had been and always would be. It was all Bianca needed. The flood gates opened. Bianca threw herself into her lover’s arms. The only arms she trusted. Felt truly loved and safe in, especially on today of all days.

Lena held her young lover in her lap, Bianca weeping uncontrollably in her arms. She had never seen Bianca so fragile – so vulnerable before. She wondered if Bianca was feeling the very fear and emotional pain she did that day a year ago. Lena knew she had to be strong and hold back her own tears. Bianca needed her to be strong, stronger then she had even been before in her life. But for her beautiful, broken princess Lena could find the strength today and any other day Bianca needed from her. This beautiful, fragile, damaged girl was her life and she was never going to let her go or let her suffer ever again, not without dying first to protect her. No one would ever touch her or hurt her Bianca ever again.

Bianca and Lena eventually moved to their bedroom, where Lena held her love and listened to Bianca purge her soul of old ghosts and pains suffered. Offering only words of love when she felt her young lover needed them, but letting this time be about Bianca as Paulina had so wisely advised. Every once and awhile, Bianca would insist Lena should check on her Mother. Assuring her lover, she would be fine until her return.

It was later that evening and Bianca was finally feeling better then she had in ages. Almost purified, if she had to choose a word for what she felt. Even after all the therapy and talking in her sessions, nothing came close to what she had shared with Lena today. She had a sense of having closed some awful door that had continued to try and pull her back through and into the black hole behind it. But it was locked now and she hoped never to be opened again. She knew, though, if those old ghosts did try to pull her back in, her Lena would always be there from now on, and she would never be alone to face them again. That was enough to give her the peace she needed to put this horrible day and all the memories that came with it behind her, for now.

“Thank you, Lena.” Bianca said in a quiet, slightly raspy voice from all her tears.

Lena pulled Bianca closer to her, stroking her hair as she held her head against her chest.

“I’ll always be here for you, Bianca. You never have to thank me. You’re my life, my sweet girl. Your happiness and peace of mind are my number one priority. I love you, Bianca.” Lena suddenly realized her young lover had fallen asleep in her arms. A smile graced Lena’s face when she realized it. If Bianca could sleep, then she had found her peace, and that was all that matter on this day. What Lena couldn’t see was the same sweet smile on her lover’s face. For Bianca had found her peace, her center in her Lena’s loving embrace. And once again all was right in their world, at least for today.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

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Chapter 17 A point of contention. (Rated R for language)

I had been up for a few hours, since Bianca and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms last evening. I reluctantly extricated myself from her and went to care for Mama and Baby B. Going through our morning ritual of getting Mother her meds first, helping her to the bathroom and giving her a sponge bath, every other day and a real bath on the next. She preferred her showers, but it was too exhausting for her to stand these days, so bathing was her only option. I knew soon, even that would become impossible. We would be lucky to get her out of bed at all in the near future, or so the Doctors had warned me.

It was difficult to see her becoming more like a helpless child to me each passing day, but I was so thankful to have her still, it didn’t matter the hardships we had to share. Though there were times I could see in Mama’s body language or a look in her eye when she thought I didn’t notice a wince a small cringe at her loss of pride and dignity as I tended to her every need. I would hug her then and tell her I loved her and we would continue with her bath. After Mama’s bath I took care of preparing and serving Mama and Baby B their morning meals. Little B always surprised me when she would wait to be fed, if Mama had to be taken care of first. It was the only time she would do any kind of waiting. These two had such a warm and symbiotic bond, so much so I truly wondered what would happen to little B when – but there was no sense dwelling on that for now. For now she was a blessing. She was the one who kept Mama company when Bianca and I needed some time alone. We were never any us ever alone unless we chose to be.

Mother and I talked a little about how things had gone between Bianca and me last night, but I didn’t want to betray my darling girl’s trust by going into too much detail. Mama understood and said I was more then justified and correct to keep that between Bianca and myself. She was pleased we had been able to be so completely open at last with one another and hoped it would help both of us to move forward from that terrible night and such painful memories. I told her I felt closer to Bianca now, more then ever. That the last walls we had built around ourselves had finally fallen and I hoped would stay down forever. I hoped Bianca knew I would do anything to keep her safe from this point on. Mama squeezed my hand and smiled, only saying “she knows.”

Once Mama finished eating she was ready for her first nap of the day. It seemed so little would make her tire so quickly these days, but her spirits still remained high, at least for now. I tucked Mama in, left the little one in her company and returned to Bianca, who was just beginning to stir from her sleep.

As I sat on the edge of our bed, God I love the sound of that “our bed”, and brushed my hand through her hair, gently pushing aside a few loose strands that fell lazily over her beautiful face. I sighed, watching my precious one come back from her land of dreams. Dreams that I hoped hadn’t been invaded by anything more then our love for each other. Bianca then opened those warm, loving eyes of hers and smiled upon seeing my face. There really aren’t words to express what that look does to my heart each and every time I see it. To see the love my Bianca feels for me, holds in her heart, makes me both joyful and sad. A sadness brought on only out of a fear of ever losing that love or her. But for now all I want to feel – need to feel is her love. She sits up, takes me into her arms, with the same enthusiasm as if it was Christmas morning, and then I know. We are going to be together for all time. Grow old together and be the happiest of couples in this sad tormented world. Together we can face anything.

“Good morning, Lena,” Bianca whispers into my ear.

“Good morning, Beloved. How did you sleep?”

“Better then I have in ages,” She said as she nestled herself between my breasts and held me tight. I stroked her back as we held one another. “After all, I was in my Guarding Angel’s arms, was I not?” She asked.

“Yes you were, my sweet one.”

She began to squirm in my arms and I wondered if I was losing my charms with my lady. I leaned back and held her by her shoulders, watching her continue to squirm.

“What is the problem, sweetie?” I asked feeling both puzzled and amused by her movements and the contortions her pretty face was making as she continued to struggle.

“It’s these damn jeans. Never let me go to sleep in my clothes again, Lena. I think they are permanently attached to me now.” Bianca continued to struggle with her clothes and the sheets on the bed, as I sat and smiled at her dilemma.

“Bianca, sweetie, relax, let me help you.” We both looked at each other and laughed at her predicament. She then relaxed and allowed me to help her get free of both the bedding and her clothing.

I was trying to remake the bed that Bianca had just succeeded in escaping with her sanity still intact. Bianca was standing before the dresser with the aforementioned jeans now in her hands and was going through her pants pockets when she let out a gasp and a damn.

“What’s wrong, Bianca?”

“What time is it, Lena?”

“A little after 7:30a.m., why?”

“I’m supposed to meet Maggie at 9:00a.m. at her hotel. I forgot all about her and the damn meeting.” She held up a piece of paper that Maggie had given her with the hotel info.

I could see the fear and hesitation in Bianca’s eyes, waiting for my less then thrilled response, but I wasn’t going to do anything to upset my darling girl, even if it was Maggie that was the point of contention.

“So you will meet her then – we will meet with her together at 9:00a.m.”

“We?”

“Yes, Bianca.” I walked over to her and put my arms around her waist and held her, pressing my forehead gently against hers as I spoke. “Not to worry, my darling, I have no intention of causing a scene. I only wish for Miss Mary Margaret Stone to know that you and I are indeed a couple now. I think we need to be honest with her, so she doesn’t leave here fostering any false hope for the two of you getting together. Unless you feel…”

“No, I totally agree,” She said, cupping my face in the palm of her hands. “She needs to know – to understand you are I are really and truly together, forever. I know she’ll be hurt at first, but its better this way. If I meet with her alone she will only try and…”

“Make you see what a mistake you’ve made and how wrong I am for you,” I answered, brushing my hand over the side of her face. She looked at me sorrowfully, kissed and hugged me before she answered. She then took my hand and we walked to the edge of the bed and sat facing one another.

“I’m sorry Lena, I know it has never been easy between the two of you, but I’m not going to listen to it anymore. I now know she had her own agenda and wasn’t only looking out for me. Something I hate to admit and more then hurts when I think how I let her always convince me I shouldn’t be with you after the rape. But we can’t do anything about that now. No matter what she has done, she was a good friend to me when I needed one.”

Bianca sensing my tension by her last remarks, hugged me again, telling me over and over how much she loved me, needed me and no one would ever come between us again. I do believe her, but I will also feel much better once Stone gets back on that plane to the states and leaves our lives for good I hope.

Bianca showered, dressed and stopped in to check on Mama, who had just woken from her nap and wanted to read and have a little tea. We saw to whatever Mama needed before we left for the hotel. I gave Mama the hotel phone number incase anything happened while we were gone, but she assured me she would be fine. She also assured me she had the number for Elizabeth, a friend she had made of the older woman next door, and would call her if she needed anything. I knew if worse came to worse I could take a cab back home, if Bianca felt she needed any time alone with Maggie after our initial meeting. As much as I didn’t want them together without me, I was the first to admit I wasn’t being very realistic about that. They were still friends and surely Bianca would want some time with Maggie, but we would see. For now I drove with Bianca to the hotel. We road together in silence; Bianca holding my hand the entire length of the drive, occasionally squeezing it and smiling at me for reassurance.

We had finally arrived and I pulled in front of the hotel, Bianca leaned over and kissed me before we both got out of the car. I handed my keys to the valet for parking, and offered Bianca my arm as we entered the hotel together.

“Breathe Lena,” I heard Bianca whisper to me as we walked through the hotel lobby and headed for the front desk. I didn’t know how Bianca was doing, but I was feeling more and more nauseous with every step. Maybe Bianca sensed that, but for whatever reason she let go of my arm and took hold of my hand instead, raising our clasped hands now to her lips and kissed the back of mine so tenderly I thought I might weep. She then looked up and flashed that smile of hers mouthing the words “I love you.” At that very moment nothing else but she existed in my mind. And nothing that would happen here today would change that. I then kissed her hand as well and told her I loved her.

Once we made it to the front desk, Bianca asked for Maggie Stone’s room number. While we waited for the manager to give us the information, we both heard Maggie’s familiar voice calling out to Bianca from across the room. We both turned and saw her getting off the elevators. It was obvious she was trying to control her disappointment upon seeing Bianca and I together. I had to admit she was doing a far better job of it then I had expected.

“You made it,” Maggie said with enthusiasm, throwing her arms around Bianca’s neck. Bianca dropped my hand and hugged her friend, while Maggie closed her eyes tightly, in an effort I believed to both avoid contact with me and to enjoy the hug from her friend.

Bianca was the first to break the hug, linking her arm in mine after she let go of Maggie. The look in Maggie’s eyes told me this was going to be the longest morning of my life, but I swore to myself, no matter what she said or did, this woman would not bait me into a fight in front of Bianca. That didn’t mean I couldn’t entertain the idea of finding her later in some dark alley and – ok Lena, get a grip, take a deep breath and smile.

The three of us headed towards the restaurant and were seated before the deafening silence between us was finally broken by Maggie.

“Lena, I wasn’t expecting you,” Maggie stated flatly

“I wanted her here, Maggie,” Bianca said before I could respond.  

“So you two are back together again?”

“Yes, Maggie, Lena and I are together. But you knew that before I left Pine Valley.”

I was suddenly feeling like the tennis ball in this match and I was being slammed and backhanded by each racket as volleys were being served. But I stayed silent for now and continued to smile.

“And that is why you never answered my email?” Maggie asked bitterly, looking only at Bianca now. “Or did Lena, here, tell you not to?” She said with a dagger directed straight for my heart from her beady little eyes.

At this point I was grinding my teeth so hard I was surprised I still had any. But I remained silent. Bianca’s hand was on my arm and I knew she wanted to handle this so I let her. I covered her hand with mine and looked only at her and away from the demon child sitting across from us.

“Maggie, you and I have been through a great deal as friends and while I appreciate everything you have done for me, I will not sit here and listen to you attack Lena for one more second. I love her, Maggie, more then I can ever put into words. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth and the sooner you accept that the better it will be for all of us.”

“So that’s it. That’s all you have to say to me?” Maggie was standing now, staring down at Bianca, her eyes full of pain and hurt.

“Maggie, please…”

“Don’t ‘Maggie please’ me, Bianca.” She leaned across the table, her hands firmly planted on top of it now. “You loved me, Bianca. You can’t deny that. And I know you still do. How can you let this woman – how can you say you love her and not me after all the lies?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“Truth! Now that’s funny. Truth and Lena Kundera in the same sentence,” she said pointing her finger in my face.

“Stop it Maggie,” Bianca’s hand was now cutting into my arm as she griped it tighter.

“Yes, fine, I’ll stop this Bianca. You two ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Forget Maggie who was there for you after your rape, there for you before during and after the trials and during your pregnancy. Fine forget me. Forget all we have meant to each other. I know I waited forever to tell you I loved you, Bianca, but you knew. You knew in your heart I loved you and you love me. But I guess that wasn’t enough. I don’t have the fancy accent or clothes or money that Lena has or whatever else it is you think she has or what she did to get them…” Bianca slapped Maggie soundly across the face before she could say another word. The shock on the little blonde’s face was matched only by that on Bianca’s when she realized what she had done.

Every eye in the room was on our little drama and the maitre d’ was headed for our table with a very sour look on his face. I asked Maggie and Bianca to take a seat while I tried to head the maitre d’ off. While I explained and apologized to the very nervous man our situation and assured him there would be no further scenes, Maggie and Bianca sat in silence for the most part, until I returned.

I returned to the table, resting my hands on Bianca’s shoulders as I stood behind her.

“Ladies, I’m afraid we have been asked to leave this establishment. I have been told we won’t be escorted out if we leave now. Perhaps we could continue this in your room Maggie? Unless you want us to leave as well?”

“No! No, I don’t want you to leave yet,” she said looking sadly at Bianca.

“Fine, then let’s take this to your room.” I helped Bianca out of her chair and put my arm around her as all the patrons continued to stare at our little motley crew, until the three of us left the restaurant entirely. We headed for the elevators immediately and went to Maggie’s room.

Once we arrived at Maggie’s, she let Bianca and I enter first and motioned for us to sit on the bed. She took the one chair that was in the room – the one that sat in front of a desk. She pulled it over and sat before us. I could tell she was trying to gather her thoughts and I wonder who would speak first, when I heard Bianca say, “I’m sorry, Maggie, I never should have hit you like that.”

“No, you were right. I was being a total bitch. I was – I was just so angry, B. I just – God, I love you so much and I totally fucked this up,” she said, no longer able to look at Bianca or myself as she did.

“Why didn’t you answer my email, B?” she asked, almost as a whisper, while she continued to look away at the floor.

“I didn’t know what to say, Maggie. I didn’t want to hurt you and so much was going on here. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t deal with it. I needed more time.”

Maggie looked up at Bianca with confusion written over her face. “But if you knew you loved Lena and that wasn’t going to change, why did you need more time?”

“I needed more time to say the right words to you so you could understand and hopefully we could still remain friends. Maggie I know only too well how hard it is to tell a friend you love them – are in love with them. And then have to deal with the rejection when they don’t return that love. I wanted to make it as painless for you as possible, but instead, all I did was make is worse making you wait. I’m sorry.”

“So you really do love Lena and you’re staying here for good?”

Bianca looked at me and squeezed my hand as she answered Maggie’s questions. “I love Lena with all my heart and soul, Maggie. I’ve never been happier then I am when I’m with her and for now, at least, we’ll be living here.”

Maggie rose from her chair and offered me her hand. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the gesture till she spoke.

“Well then, I guess congratulations are in order, Kundera, seems you won the girl after all.” I cautiously extended my hand and shook Maggie’s, half expecting her to cut mine off if given the chance. Something told me this wasn’t the end of Maggie Stone or her obsession for Bianca, but for Bianca’s sake I wasn’t going to argue the point.

“Thank you, Maggie. That is very generous of you,” I said trying not to choke on the words as they escaped my mouth.

“You’re welcome Lena. I guess you will be wanting to get back to Paulina, I’m sure she is anxious to see you both. How is she doing, by the way?”

“As best as can be expected.” I said, surprised Maggie would even ask about my Mother. “When do you head back to the states?” I asked trying not to sound too anxious.

“My plane leaves tomorrow at noon. I have classes I need to get back to,” she answered as she began to walk us to the door.

“Would you like come to the house for dinner?” Bianca asked. I knew in an effort to try and make this unpleasant experience perhaps a little better for she and her friend.

“No, thanks, B, I think I will just hangout here. Enjoy the room service and watch some movies.” It was clear to me, Maggie was just barely holding on, and was trying to get us out of there as soon as she could.

“Really?”

“Yes, really, don’t worry I’ll be fine. I’ll email you when I get back home.”

“Well of course you will, but we can take you to your flight tomorrow.”

“No, don’t bother, you have plenty to deal with and besides Paulina needs the two of you now. I’m a big girl; I got here on my own I can get back that way as well.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, B, just give us a hug and we’ll call it even.” The two of them hugged and made their goodbyes. Once she closed the door behind us, Maggie dissolved into a sobbing mess on the floor of her hotel room.

Bianca and I walked back through the hotel arm in arm and in silence till we got to the valet parking. I handed the ticket to the young man and waited for him to return with our car.

“Sorry for all the drama, Lena.”

“Sweetheart, don’t worry, I have lived through worse, believe me. But how are you holding up?”

“OK, I guess.” Bianca said as she leaned her head onto my shoulder, grabbing my arm even tighter as she did. I kissed the top of her head. Told her I loved her. Our car soon arrived and I gently helped her into it. Once I was seated behind the wheel and had the car in gear she leaned over and put my arm around her and laid her head on my shoulder again. I held her close and drove us both home as quickly as I could.

The rest of the day Bianca busied herself, I knew in an effort to keep all thoughts of what had happened with Maggie away. Only I knew she was losing the battle. It was just a matter of time till I knew she would come to me and say she needed to go back to the hotel and see Maggie again.

It was finally evening and we had both read to Mama, made sure she had taken her meds and tucked her in for the night. Bianca showered first, while I finished cleaning the evening dishes, pulled the bed down and began to undress and slip into my robe while I waited for my turn to shower. I was sitting on the edge of the bed sorting through some bills when Bianca exited the bathroom. She was drying her hair with a towel and wearing her pink silk robe I had bought for her recently. “Your turn, sweetie,” she said to me as she walked over to the dresser mirror and began to brush her hair. I left the bills on the night stand next to the bed and came up behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist and began to kiss her neck, breathing the sweet clean smell that was her, in as I did.

“Long day,” I said as I continued to work my way up her neck and pull her earlobe into my mouth and suckle it. I smiled at her in the mirror and she blushed. That sweet innocent look she makes that sends chills through my body.

“Very,” she answered and I knew what she meant. There would be no love making tonight, but that didn’t bother me. As long as I could hold my sweet girl in my arms as we lay in our bed that was more then enough for me. She turned to face me and gave me the sweetest of kisses on the lips, told me she loved me and asked me to hurry and come to bed. She needed me tonight to keep her warm she said. I showered and joined Bianca in our bed. I sat with my back against the headboard and held Bianca in my arms. She was humming an old Cole Porter song, to herself, that made me smile. I was amazed one so young even knew who Cole Porter was, let alone knew the music to one of his songs. But I could tell she was lost in thought so I didn’t disturb her. I stroked her long hair while I enjoyed the feeling of her warm body next to mine.

“Lena?”

“Yes, Sweetie.”

“I have a favor to ask.”

“Yes, and would it have something to do with Ms. Stone?”

“Yes, “she said, looking up at me now with those puppy dog eyes of hers. “Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not, Bianca.” I cupped her face with my hand, leaned down and kissed her forehead. “You want to go see her before she leaves, don’t you?”

“Yes, may I please?” She now sat up and began to run her fingers through my hair.

“Bianca, you don’t need my permission, but I appreciate you asking me first. Of course you can go. I know you aren’t happy with how things ended today, though I’m not sure what you can say or do to make them any better. But I know you well enough, my love, to know you need to try.”

She hugged me with all her strength and told me I was the best. I wouldn’t tell her I was only human and though not thrilled at the prospect of her and Maggie together again and alone, I knew better then to try and stop it. Sometimes in a relationship you need to trust your partner and let them do the things they need to do no matter how much you hate it. I just prayed nothing bad would come from this meeting, but with Maggie one never knew.

We fell asleep not long after that, but my mind would wake me from time to time throughout the night with warnings I had to set aside and hope they were only late night fears and anxieties. I held Bianca close to me all night long trying to dispel my fears and not give in to them and keep her from going to Maggie this morning. I would have to trust all would be alright.

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Bianca was dressed and ready to leave for the hotel, but I tried to make one last attempt to get her to call Maggie first and let her know she was coming. But Bianca was afraid Maggie would try to talk her out of coming if she did. She assured me there was nothing to worry about. She wouldn’t be long, she would talk to Maggie and then take her to the airport if Maggie wanted her to, but she would call me first if she did. I hugged her goodbye and tried to fight the sick feeling I had as she left the house. Mama told me I was just being silly and over protective, but I couldn’t help the feeling I had that something was going to happen when these two got together.

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I didn’t know why I was feeling so nervous, after all I was only going to see Maggie, but then things weren’t quite the same as they were when I left and I knew that all too well. I didn’t need to stop at the desk to ask for her room this time, so I rushed towards the elevators, pressed the up button and waited. After a few restless minutes of waiting the elevator arrived and a family of five got off. I was the only one getting on and pressed the button for the 9^th floor. Room 909 I kept repeating in my head. I’m not sure why, it wasn’t as if I would forget. When the elevator bell sounded for the floor my body jumped a little. Why was I so nervous? I got off the elevator and headed to the right for room 909. I heard laughter, I thought, coming from one of the rooms, it made me smile to think some couple was having a fun morning, reminding me of mornings with my Lena. Finally I stood before room 909 and knocked on the door. I thought I heard voices come from within Maggie’s room, but knew it had to be from one of the others. She didn’t answer right away so I knocked again. I was sure, knowing Maggie, she was probably just getting out of bed, not leaving herself much time to get ready. Another reason I wanted to come, she was always running late for things.

Finally she opened the door, her hair all disheveled and her body wrapped in a bed sheet, like something out of a bad B movie. “Bianca?” she said with both shock and surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“And good morning to you too, Maggie,” I said with a smile and tried to enter the room, but she threw her left arm in front of me effectively blocking my entrance. “Maggie, what’s up? And why are you wearing that bed sheet. Did you forget to pack your PJ’s?” I smirked.

“What – oh – no – Bianca why are you here?” Maggie said, clearly in some morning after daze.

“OK, I get it. You went drinking last night and you are hung over. Well, let me in and I will help you get packed and take you to the airport. What the hell were you drinking for, Mags? No good movies to watch?” I finally pushed past her, entered her room, only to find a very naked woman in her bed – One who looked very much like me, smiling back at me.

“Oh my God!” I said, standing frozen by the sight before me.

“Jesus, Bianca,” Maggie swore, slamming the door behind her. “Cover yourself, will you,” Maggie yelled at the other smiling woman on the bed.

“You’ve got the bed sheet, lover,” she answered with a smirk, crossing her legs and putting her hands behind her head. “Are we going to have a party?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Maggie ordered her new bed mate, tossing a blanket to her to cover her form. “Here, now cover yourself, please.”

“Sure thing, Maggie.”

“And go wait in the bathroom. I need to talk to my friend.”

The young woman pouted, covered herself, walked past Bianca and behind Maggie, stopped and gave Maggie and long wet kiss before she left the room. “Don’t keep me waiting long, Maggie,” she said with a wink and went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Bianca stood there frozen trying to fight the urge to be ill. She wasn’t jealous, though Maggie was praying at the moment that would be the number one emotion Bianca was feeling right now. She took Bianca by the arm and led her over to the edge of the bed where they both sat.

 “Bianca, talk to me, please.”

Bianca finally broke from her fog and looked at Maggie. “What do you want me to say, Maggie? Congratulations, welcome to the club?” Bianca said with both disgust and angry sarcasm. “Should I be running out and getting you two a toaster? Hers and hers towels.” Then she shot up from the bed, realizing she was sitting in the middle of Maggie’s last night fling. She wrapped her arms around herself and stood nervously beside the bed. Not knowing what to do.

“Jealous, Bianca?” Maggie said, more then hoping it was true.

“Is that why you did it, Maggie? To try and make me jealous? Because if you did you need to get your money back.”

“Fuck you, Montgomery, she’s not some freakin whore I paid for.”

“Well that’s at least something. So how long did you have to look, before you found one that looked like me? Jesus, Maggie, do you know how sick that is?”

“No, how sick is it, Bianca? I’m sick because I got drunk last night and picked up some woman who looks like you and made love to her all night long, because I wanted it to be you. That’s not just sick, Bianca, it’s fucking sad and pathetic. But that’s what I am. You broke my heart Bianca and I found the only way I could last night to make just a little of that pain go away.”

“Maggie, I’m…”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, B. You did me a huge favor. I get it now, B.” Maggie stood up and started to wave her little arms around as she spoke. “I get that whole sexy, hot, polish fox in bed thing you got going with Lena. You’re right, there is nothing better. This chick was the best fuck I ever had. But then she’s the only woman I’ve ever had.”

Bianca stared Maggie in the eye. “I know what your doing, Maggie, you’re trying to make me jealous, which by the way is so not happening. And you’re trying to degrade and debase my relationship with Lena to – “this.” But you don’t get it, Maggie, what Lena and I share is sacred and will last forever. What you have here, well it isn’t even worth talking about.” Bianca turned to leave the room, but Maggie grasped her arm and stopped her.

“Let go of me Maggie.”

“No, Bianca, I can’t. You’re right this was stupid. I’m sorry. Please don’t go.”

Without turning around, Bianca coldly answered, “Maggie, I want you to leave Poland and never see or contact me or Lena ever again. You have destroyed everything that made our friendship special and I never want to see you ever again.” Bianca pried Maggie’s hand off her arm and went to exit the room.

“Wait a God Damn minute. You don’t get off that easily Bianca. You’re not totally blameless in all this either, sweetheart. Who left their best friend in Pine Valley without even so much as a voice message or email? Who “coldly ignored” the email spilling out all the feelings of love sent to them? And then dismissed me when I arrived in Poland to help you through the memories of the worst day of your life, because you’ve found true love and I don’t fucking matter to you anymore, even as your friend? That’s right, Saint Bianca. Well I just want you to know, Bianca. You’re not the only one who has feelings. Not the only one who was in love, and you don’t get to have the last word, just because you and Lena are the greatest love since Romeo and Juliet. And yes I did want to make you jealous and all I did was fuck that up too. So sue me, Bianca, I loved you. Sue me and move on with your glorious fucking life. I’m sorry I cared. I’m sorry I thought I loved you and I damn sorry I came.”

Bianca hearing the end of Maggie’s rant, quietly left the room, never looking back.

The other tall brunette came out of the bathroom. “So, it’s just you and me, little one?” The other woman asked Maggie.

“Just shut up and let me think,” Maggie said, trying to hold back her tears.

----------------------------------

Bianca came home devastated and a total mess. It took me over an hour of coaxing to find out just what had happened between her and Maggie. I understood why Maggie had done what she did and said what she did, but she had clearly crossed a line on the amount of hurt she inflicted on Bianca before it was over. I wanted to let it go, but the more
I watched Bianca lying there on the bed curled up and crying the more I wanted to punish Maggie for what she had done. After everything Bianca had been through this year, how could Maggie, even with her own personal sense of loss say those things to Bianca? The best and kindest friend Maggie or anyone could ever hope to have.

I hugged Bianca, and told her I needed to go see Maggie before she left. She tried to make me stay, but I made her understand this was a matter of right and wrong and I wasn’t about to stand by any longer and let Maggie trash what Bianca and I had or allow her to verbally attack Bianca like that. She kissed me, told me she loved me and said she understood.

I rushed to the airport, having called ahead and gotten the flight number for Maggie’s fight. It was 10:30a.m. and I hoped she was still waiting on line for her baggage check-in and wouldn’t be past the security gates yet. As I got closer to check-in I saw her petite frame standing there holding her bags. I could tell from the luggage she was carrying, she had planned to stay longer then she said. I calmed myself down, took several deep breaths and walked up behind the little princess.

“Hello, Stone,” I whispered into her ear from behind. Her head shot up and she quickly turned to face me.

“Lena,”

“You remember, I’m touched,”

“What…” she tried to ask, but I pressed my fingers to her lips to silence her.

“No, little one, this time I do all the talking. You just remain quiet and listen. And when I’m done we will part our separate ways and never speak of this again.”

Maggie nodded, as I saw real fear in her eyes. I could see she had the sense to know she had finally gone to far and by the look on my face and body language, my considerable height over her was making her think twice about taking me on right now. If there is one thing I have learned in my life, every woman knows never fuck with a really pissed off woman and Maggie knew she was looking into the eyes of one as we spoke. One that could snap her like a twig if I so desired.

She had a little jacket on over her dress, I ran my fingertips over the collar and I continued to look her squarely in the eyes.

“Maggie, I’m not going to recount all the vile things you said to Bianca today, because I know you remember them as well and she does. But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to leave you with one last thought before your trip home. When you lay awake at night in your bed, I want you to remember one thing: If you ever come near Bianca or me ever again, I will hurt you in ways your puny little mind can’t even image. And that is not a threat, Maggie. That is a promise. Now, you have a safe trip,” I said patting her on the side of her face, turned and walked away. And for the first time in a long time, it felt good to be Lena Kundera again.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Oh please, please, please yes. I have no pride when it comes to FB.

I started this chapter a few weeks ago and was able to finish it this evening, finally. I hope you will find it worth the wait. And to my sweet muse as always, you were and are my inspiration for this as you are for most of my chapters in this story. Thank you my love and Happy almost Birthday and Happy Anniversary month 9. Thank you all for your patience, wonderful FB and kind words during this long cold spell I have been having. You are all so great I can’t even tell you in words. Now on with tonight’s story.

Chapter 18 No aftermath (rated PG-13)

When I returned from the airport and my “little meeting” with Ms. Stone, I checked on Mama first. She and Baby B were fast asleep, the kitten curled in a small ball of fur leaning against Mama’s legs. It was 5:30 p.m. now, but I didn’t think I should wake Mama up for a meal when she still had a few hours to go before her next round of medications. So I kissed her on the forehead and let her sleep.

After closing the door to her room, I went to the other bedroom in search of Bianca. But she wasn’t there. She hadn’t been in the kitchen when I passed from bedroom to bedroom, so that left only the living room. As I entered the room, Bianca appeared to be asleep on the sofa, almost wrapped in a fetal pose with a light summer blanket hugged to her body as she slept. No lights were on, the early evening summer sun shown through the window and cascaded just over her shoulder, giving her an almost angelic look about her. But then in my eyes, Bianca always appeared more angelic then human on any given day, this one notwithstanding.

I approached the sofa and knelt beside my love. Listening to her breathing before I ventured to gently brush back her auburn locks from her face. Her head turned ever so slightly towards my touch as a smile appeared to grace her sweet lips.

“Lena” I heard her just barely whisper, running the backs of my fingers over her cheek, stopping just below her chin and kissing her cheek before I answered.

“Yes beloved,” pressing my cheek to hers, my lips only a breath away from her ear. “Miss me?” I asked. She made her small Bianca moaning sounds I love so in acknowledgment to my question. “I’ll take that as a yes, my love.” I said, as I smiled and kissed her cheek once again.

Next thing I knew her arms escaped from their blanket prison and wrapped around me, holding me as close to her as was humanly possible. “No more leaving me, please,” she said, releasing me long enough to start peppering my lips and face with sweet Bianca kisses. “Promise,” I said, responding to her kisses with my own.

“Good,” she answered, stretching her arms above her head now as I continued to hold her and marvel at her beauty and my blessed good fortune to love this woman and have her in my life at last.

She stopped her stretching and smirked at me for staring, resting her arms on my shoulders.

“See something you like, Kundera?”

“Yes, Miss Montgomery, I do,” I said, and before I could stop it, I felt my face begin to blush from the guilty salacious thoughts that were racing through my head. I lowered my eyes pressing my forehead against hers while we both smiled, but said nothing.

A moment or two passed, before I felt Bianca’s fingers caress the back of my neck and begin to gently run through my hair. I tilted my head to the side, enjoying the chill running down my spine from her touch.

“How did it go?” Bianca asked so quietly I almost didn’t hear the question, bringing our moment to an abrupt end.

I pulled back, took her hand in mine and kissed her palm. I rose from my kneeling position and joined her on the sofa.

“Short and not so sweet,” I answered. “But no blood was spilled and no scenes were made.

“What did she say?”

“Not much. I did all the talking. But I believe she got the message. Maggie Stone is not going to be bothering you or me again anytime soon.”

Bianca hugged me and buried her head in the nape of my neck. I could feel her tears begin to well up again, her body begin to shudder slightly as she began to cry. She asked me something between the tears, but I couldn’t hear her and told her so. She lifted her head and looked at me with such a wounded face I wanted to find some way to end this pain for her, but wasn’t sure how.

“What can I do to help you, Bianca?”

“Tell me why, Lena, why do I keep losing friends – people I love and care about? Why does it always end in disaster, with no hope to salvage what is left and what was still worth having?”

“I don’t know, my sweet girl, maybe…” but I stopped myself, shocked at what I was about to say. But she was in such pain and this wasn’t about me or even us now. This was about Bianca and all the lose she had in her life and much more.

“Maybe what, Lena?”

“Sweetheart, maybe this isn’t the end for you and Maggie. Maybe in time, if she can move on and see the damaged she has caused and why – maybe you two will be able to salvage your friendship. I realize with losing Maggie you lose Frankie again too and I can’t even imagine how hard that must be for you.”

“Yes – it’s – it’s so hard, Lena. Part of me feels so empty, like she killed something in me, like Frankie did when she – God.” Bianca held her head in her hands now not able to continue what she so desperately needed to say.

My poor sweet love, the emotional pain she was in. I wanted so desperately to punish Maggie and Frankie for having betrayed and hurt her so. But then so had I. What was it about this sweet angel that left so much pain and devastation in her path. I didn’t have a clue, but I did know from her reaction to what had happened and the bond that Maggie and Frankie held on her heart, this wasn’t the end of the Maggie question. But I also knew it would never be a threat to what Bianca and I shared. Maggie was someone Bianca needed and wanted as a friend on many different levels, or else none of what had happened today would have affected her so deeply. I was going to have to swallow my disdain for Maggie in time and be ready for the day Bianca welcomed her back into our lives.

“What are you thinking?” Bianca asked. I took her hands in mine and kissed her finger tips before I continued.

“Sweetheart, I think once you and I return to the states, after – well when our lives continue there, you and Maggie will find a way to repair your friendship. It is something that is important to both of you. And as much as I should like to strangle her for what she has done, part of me understands. She loves you so desperately, Bianca, and Lord knows I know that feeling. Much of what she did here was out of pain and desperation. When she has time to reflect on her actions and knows that you and I are truly together, I’m sure she will do everything in her power to try and make amends for what she has done. She isn’t going to want to lose you entirely and it is clear a part of you needs her in your life as well.”

“After all that happened...”

“What, baby?”

“I do want – I don’t want to lose her, Lena. I don’t want to lose her as my friend.”

“I know.”

“But can you really deal with that? Her in our lives as my friend,”

“If that is what you want and need, then I can find a way to deal with her. Your happiness is the most important thing to me, Bianca. And if having Maggie as your friend is what you need, and then we will find a way together to make that happen and build a new relationship with her together, a healthy one for all of us.”

“God, what did I ever do to deserve your love, Lena?” Bianca asked as I moved myself back on the small sofa and laid her head down on my lap, stroking her beautiful hair as we continued to talk.

“Oh, Bianca, I am the one who is blessed. You are the purest of souls I have ever met in my life. I will spend my life trying to give you the love you so richly deserve, my sweet girl.”

“Well, I thank God you found me, Lena. You make me feel loved and safe. Two things I was beginning to feel I would never experience in my life.”

“You will always be loved and safe with me, Bianca. I swear to you. I will do anything to keep you safe, and give you all the love I have each and everyday we are together.”

Bianca took my hand that had been stroking her hair and kissed my palm. No more words were needed for today. We stayed like this for another hour as the evening sun began to set. In time we would both join Mama and take turns reading to her as we each enjoyed a light dinner in her room.

These were precious moments for all us now. Difficult times were ahead. Days and weeks where there would be a new kind of pain and hardship for each of us to bear. But we had each other now and that would be the one thing that would make it all just a little easier to handle. As I watched my Mother cradle Baby B in her hands and begin to drift off to sleep, I wrapped my arm around Bianca’s waist and rested my own head on her shoulder as she read. At that moment I felt more love in my being then I had in my entire life. The two people I cared most about were with me, loved me and loved each other without question. There would never be a more perfect moment I thought. But with Bianca in my life, I was to find many such moments again and would bless her for each and every one of them.

TBC

Stephanie aka The Diva

Feed back: Always. And thank you for it.

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