Title: What Am I Going To Do Now?
1/?
Author: Tim
Pairing: C/S, Buffy/Willow (not yet though)
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but Lily 
Spoilers: Post BtVS S7 and end of CSI S3
AN1: The muse just ran with this one. I hope you like it.
AN2: Thanks C. 
-------------------------------
Dawn's question keeps playing through my head. 'What are we going to do now?'
The sad part is that is has come down to 'What am I going to do now?' Everyone
else has something going on. Faith and Tara along with Anya and Xander are
heading to
If that wasn't enough, the object of my affection is available too. The first
time I was truly aware that I loved my best friend was when she came back from
England, but then again, I have always felt deeply for Willow. I think my ever
possible imminent death kept me from pursuing her. Plus, we each seem to have
someone in our lives. I know I should probably take that chance, but I now have
a new fear, ruining our friendship.
That's why I am sitting out on the balcony of my room, and then I notice my
cell vibrating. Oh yeah, Wil hacked into the Council
systems and found out they were LOADED. Quentin is lucky that he was blown up,
or I would have flown to
There wasn't much bustling around here today since the girls that are leaving
want to say their goodbyes to the ones that are staying. Now the three couples
are probably in their respective rooms using the down time to re-connect. Hey,
as long as Kennedy doesn't hurt Dawn, Faith and I won't have to kick the crap
out of her. I mean you only live once right, well unless you're me. I opened Wil's office door, and she had an odd look on her face, but
before I said anything, the door shut and locked, and then I felt
"Okay. If your text wasn't vague enough, now you magic us in your office.
Should I be prepared to have my clothes ripped off because I have good
underwear on," A girl can dream right. Besides,
She didn't say anything right away as she came around her desk and led us over
to the couch. Okay now I am starting to get flashbacks to when I first came to
Sunnydale, but before I got a chance to inquire, she started, "I finally
got started on Giles' idea of clearing everybody's Slayer-involved charges from
their records, so after deleting yours from Hemery and Sunnydale, I noticed that you had an attachment
to your personal file. It's an adoption record."
"I know. Well, I know I'm adopted. Other than that, I'm in the dark. Mom
told me when she was sick. She also told me that my birth mother was seventeen
when she had me, so I understood, but I also told Mom that she would always be
my mother. Although now, I think I might want to meet her. I mean it's not like
I'm like you guys and have stuff going on," Nice Buffy, make your best
friend to feel unimportant.
She kissed me on the temple before laying me down on the couch. I watched her
go back around to her computer and start typing. I hope by the time I wise up,
---
Nicely done Catherine. Just to prove your suspicions, you blow a case against
Sam Braun. The real kick in the head is that I did prove that he is my father. Spendid.
Of all the family I could have found, it had to be him. I would have much
rather found
I walked down the hall like a dead man walking. I know that I'm going to have
to do this again later with Mom, Nancy, Lindsay, and Jeremy. I just hope that I
have Sara beside me when I do it. I walked into the room and shut the door
before placing my hands on top of the table.
"First off, I want to apologize for blowing the Sam Braun case, and before
you hear it anywhere else, yes, he is my father," closing my eyes and
taking a deep breath, "And in the season of clearing the air, there is
something else I need to tell you. She may never come here, but I have another
daughter. I gave her up for adoption when I was seventeen," finally
opening my eyes to gauge everyone's reactions, especially Sara's.
The silence following my admission was painful, but thankfully, Warrick stepped
up and hugged me, "Hey, what is one more to our already interesting
family. Still love ya, Cat," as he kissed the top of my head. Nick and
Greg followed with similar sentiments, so now that just leaves Gil and Sara.
Gil was next, "Catherine, the Sam Braun situation has been dealt with, so
it is a moot point. And I already knew about your daughter. When I was promoted
to supervisor, I saw the attachment to your personal file. If you want, I could
have some people I know look around," shaking my head no to his offer.
Yes, I would like to see her, but on her terms, not mine, "Okay, then I'll
see you both in a couple days," and then there was one.
I was worried until Sara walked up and kissed me on the lips, "I didn't
think Gil was ever going to leave. I am not upset with you, and I can't say I
wouldn't do the same in your position. Do you want me to call
"Thank you so much, baby. You are going to be my rock through this, and I
promise lots of thank yous," interlocking our
fingers as we walked back up the hallway.
I listened to Sara's half of the conversation, and I was glad that it wasn't
going to be a hassle. I'm figuring Lindsay is going to be thrilled at the
thought of a big sister. Jeremy probably won't care one way or the other, but
Sara volunteered, and I let her drive home considering the heavy thoughts going
through my head. She has been so good to Lindsay and I both, and I find myself
wondering what we did without her. I always thought my childhood was rough, but
the night Sara told me about hers, I cried for that little girl, but at the
same time, I was proud of the woman she had become, and I know like my life,
hers with pop up from time to time, and I will be there for her when it does.
As Sara parked the car in the driveway, she reached over and squeezed my hand.
I gave her a smile as we headed up to the house.
Lindsay slammed into both of our legs as I closed the door. Sara picked her up
as we headed towards the kitchen.
After my quick but relaxing shower, I got dresses and headed straight to the
kitchen where I found everyone already seated. Sara reached out and took my
hand as I took a deep breath, "There is something I need to tell
you."
CHAPTER 2
Before
Whether she knows it or not,
I watched as the door opened, and Dawn must have caught something in my eyes or
face because she was quickly kneeling in front of me, "Buffy,
is everything okay? Did something happen?" firing off questions in
Willow-like speed as she noticed the note in my hand, "What is that,
Buffy?" Well, here goes nothing.
I opened the slightly crumpled paper and handed it to Dawn, "This woman is
my birth mother. She gave me up for adoption when she was seventeen. Wil came to me when she found the attachment while she was
going through my file. She wanted me to know, but I told her that Mom and I
talked about when she first got sick," I decided to leave it there, so I
didn't start asking her inane questions.
She didn't say anything right away, and I thought she was going to have a
meltdown like the one she had on my birthday after she found out she was the
Key, "Buffy, I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. We're the
Summers sisters, and who knows maybe when you meet her, you can figure out what
to do next," I was stroking her cheek as she finished talking and smiled
through my tears before leaning forward and kissing her forehead.
"When did you get so smart?" just asking the question not really
expecting an answer.
"I had the three smartest people in the world raising me, plus
Giles," Dawn's addition got chuckles out of the three of us. We may never
say it, but I believe Giles has had a hand in helping every single one of us at
one time or another.
I held out my hand to
"There is something you guys don't know about me," as I went on to
explain all I knew about being adopted. Dawn's smile helped immensely as the
others didn't seemed phased by the news, especially Giles. Of
course, The Council.
"Buff, it doesn't matter who your mom is or was. Joyce was a mom to almost
everyone here, and I know she would just want you to be happy," Thank you
Xander, I needed to cry some more, but Giles stepped forward and gave me his hankerchief.
"Is she hot?" Faith asked breaking the silence, and it also garnered
everyone's attention as I put my hand over my mouth to stop the giggles,
"What? Mrs. S. was hot. Come on, who here hasn't fantasized about
Joyce?" I knew about Faith and Xander, but seeing Tara and Willow's hand
were a little surprising, "And we all know G-man wants to give her some
band candy," and that is when I fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
Only Faith can turn what I thought was going to be a serious talk into a laugh
riot, and it was made better by Giles' chorus of 'bloody hells'.
I don't know when it got quiet, but the first thing I realize is that Faith is
offering to help me up. She didn't say anything as she took us outside and into
the the garden before sitting across from me on the
benches, "B, I know we haven't always gotten along, but I want you to know
that it may have taken me awhile to figure it out you gave me what I have been
searching for all my life, a family," as I reached out to take Faith's
hands in mine.
"Well, you always were a little slow," curling my lips into a huge
smile. I owed her from earlier.
She returned the smile before holding up her hand with her fingers out. It
started with five, went to four, and then her dimples came out at three as I
took off back into the hotel.
---
The silence after my admission was a little painful, but I knew Sara was okay,
so it would be easier to take no matter what else happens. I continued taking
small bites of my breakfast while also glancing up to see if anyone was going
to say anything, and like I figured, Jeremy wasn't bothered with it while
Lindsay looked like she was trying to figure something out.
"Hey Sara, can you make sure the kids have all their stuff ready?"
"From what I have seen, you are going to need all the help you can get,
Catherine," Mom's statement turned both Nancy and I around.
"How do you know about
"How do you think, Catherine?" Sam, "And here I thought you were
a little hellion, but your darling
"Stop, mother! I don't care what Sam Braun dug up
on my daughter. I love her just as I love Lindsay, and if she does come to find
me, I suggest you make yourself scarce because I will not have you talking bad
about her," Unbelievable. Even after all these years, Mom is still hung up
on Sam. Well, they can have each other.
"Come on Mom, I'll drop you off on the way to work," with that tone,
it sounds like
I wiped down the table before heading upstairs to our bedroom. I was physically
drained by the time I crawled into bed, and I wanted to wait up for Sara, but
my body was teetering on shutdown, so I curled up close to Sara's pillow before
letting myself go into slumber. I must not have been to
deep because I felt Sara take me into her arms and kiss my lightly.
My senses woke me up to the smell of maple syrup. I opened my eyes to find Sara
and Lindsay on the bed with a tray of pancakes. Score another one for Sara,
"Mmm, something smells good."
"Sara and I made you pancakes and bacon, Mommy," Lindsay said beaming
with her cute smile, and I also knew that it was mostly Sara's doing while
Lindsay probably set up the tray.
I finished off my food before patting my lap. Lindsay climbed on and put her
head on my shoulder while I wrapped my arms around her, "Sweetie, I want
you to know that no matter what I am always going to love you, okay?"
"I know, Mom. Sara talked to me, too. How much older is she to me?" I
smiled at the question. That's what she was trying to figure out at breakfast.
"She is twenty-two, so twelve years older," kissing Lindsay's
forehead, "You're really excited about having a big sister, aren't
you?" she didn't answer me, so I looked down at her, and she had a huge
smile on her face, "Did you get all your homework done?" getting a
nod while I decided not to dwell on what may never happen.
"Baby, I kind of promised Lindsay I would chase her around the park. Would
you like to come and watch us?" Sara asked grinning like Lindsay was.
"Sounds like fun, you goofballs. Let me get dressed, and I'm all
yours," as Linds kissed me on the cheek before
bouncing off the bed.
CHAPTER 3
I could have kept Faith chasing me
around all day, but I took a corner too tight and lost my footing, and of
course, Faith had me pinned to the floor before I got the chance to get up.
"Well B, you have two choices. One, you apologize, and we head out and eat
dinner with the Scoobs, or two, you face the wrath of
me tickling you until you say you are sorry, and if you wet yourself, you wet
yourself. So what's it going to be?" smiling at Faith's question and
threats, and in the season of fun, I stuck my tongue out at her which of course
led to her bringing her fingers down on my stomach and ribs.
Being Slayers, we both could holdout for awhile, but my breathing was starting
to become labored from the laughing, "S-s-s-sorry, Faith. I'm sorry"
I was finally able to get it totally out when Faith eased off the tickling
before helping me up, "Will you carry me downstairs, so I can catch my
breath?" giving her my puppy dog face hoping it still works on her since
it doesn't on Giles, Tara, Willow, Dawn.
"Hop in B, I want to see the all-you-can-eat place handle you, me, and
Brat, and we'll the G-man and the Scoobs go first, so
they actually get fed," leaping onto Faith's back as we headed down to the
lobby, and when we got there, we had seven faces glaring at us.
"What?" playing a little dumb while Faith snickered.
"You have been running around the hotel for the past half hour," just
like Dawn to complain about not getting fed.
"Chill out D, big sis and I were working up an appetite, and now that we
have one, let's go," Faith explained before carrying me outside to one of
our new hybrid SUVs. Unlike the old Council, Giles is actually taking care of
his Slayers. Well that and Faith and I threatened to start calling him Quentin
if he didn't, and that solved the problem.
I ended up looking around the table while I ate. I have a nice family here, but
I needed to find out if seeing Catherine can help me stop feeling so lost, and
maybe figure out what I'm supposed to do now that I no longer HAVE to slay. The
normal life thing has a nice shine to it, and I knew Dawn was going to be okay
because she has Kennedy to protect her, and Wil and
the AI team are around, not to mention that Faith, Giles, and
"Penny for your thoughts," I heard
"I think I need to at least meet her, Wil. I'm
not saying that it is going to change anything, but I want to see if something
clicks after talking to her, and not to bring up a sore subject, but I feel
like you did after coming back from England," reaching over to stroke
Willow's hand.
"But in your case, you don't have to come back and be a Slayer. You can be
a Watcher or something else entirely. I love you, Buffy. It doesn't matter what
you are, just as long as you are happy," she said tearing up as she leaned
over to kiss my cheek.
"I love you too,
Wil and I held hands throughout the rest of dinner
and on the drive home before ending up in her room. I didn't know the next time
we were going to be spending this much time together, so I was going to make
the most of the time we had left. Besides, it has been forever since we had a
sleepover and shared a bed. Although this time, I think we're both going to be
thinking naughtier thoughts about each other.
I held up my finger telling her to wait as I ran to my room to pick up what I
wanted to give her. I came back in and handed her my keepsake, Mr. Gordo,
"He is going to need someone to look after him while I'm gone, and who better than you," and then
---
Sara drove us to the park, and some of Lindsay's friends were there, so Sara
got a reprieve from playing as we sat on a bench watching the girls play. It
started making me wondering what kind of childhood
"Think we can talk one of her friends into having a sleepover, so we can
have sex," Sara said whispering in my ear which got me to smile, "Let
it go, baby. Sam, Elizabeth, all of it. We have the next two nights off, and I
am going to get you to relax one way or another," now that caused a low
moan to escape my throat.
"You really think we can get one of them to have a sleepover,"
lightly giggling as I laid my head on Sara's shoulder, "It doesn't matter
what we do, love. You make me feel safe, loved, relaxed, and protected whenever
you are around," lifting her hand up to kiss it while enjoying the sight
of a game of tag.
Before we left, Sara led me over to the swings where she pushed me until we
headed over to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. The girls talked us into it. I think
I'm letting Lindsay do more over my guilt over thinking about
After only eating only a few pieces, Sara kissed my cheek before disappearing
into the gameroom. Corrine's mom, Patty, looked at
me, and I shrugged my shoulders, "Sara is full of surprises. I stopped
trying to figure her out a long time ago," that got the table laughing as
the trio of girls headed into the gameroom too, so
the rest of us divvied up the pizza before following them.
I shouldn't have been surprised when I found Sara playing Skee-ball,
and I also knew I was going to end up with some jewelry. It may only be a
plastic ring, candy necklace and bracelets, but I don't care because it is
coming from Sara's heart, and not surprising since they hero worship her, Corrine
and Cameron joined Sara in Skee-ball while Lindsay
headed straight for 'Whack-A-Mole'. My daughter wields a mean mallet.
As expected, I got a blue spider ring, a candy heart necklace and two
bracelets, and I rewarded Sara with a kiss. Then I noticed that Lindsay was
carrying a stuffed pig wearing a dress, but before I got a chance to ask her
about Barbara, Cameron's mom, wanted to know if she could take Lindsay shopping
tomorrow, and I remembered Sara's offer, so I said yes.
I waited until we were in the car before turning around, "So Linds, what's with the pig in a dress?" smiling as she
had her sitting in her lap.
Her smile was beaming as she handed me the stuffed animal, "I know you
told me that Elizabeth may never come to visit, but in case she does, I want to
be able to give her a present," Now how can I argue with that.
"That's sweet, baby girl, but you still have one
problem," handing her back the pig while she looked like she wanted help,
"She needs a name, Linds."
She giggled at me before putting the pig back in her lap, "Oh, I know
that, Mommy. Her name is Miss Piggybottom."
"That is a very good name, sweetie. I'm sure
Lindsay headed to her room while Sara and I went into the family room after
coming home to relax in front of the TV. Knowing Sara, we would end up watching
something on the History Channel or the Discovery Channel. For me, it's about
the cuddling, not the programming. Sara makes unwinding so much easier now, and
for that, I am eternally grateful.
CHAPTER 4
When I woke up, I stretched out to find the bed empty.
I saw the door knob starting to turn, so I slid down in the bed and pretended
to be asleep, "Please Buffy, there are things you are good at, but fake
sleeping isn't one of them. The
"What's this?" holding it up.
"Your ticket to
"There you go again, taking care of me, Wil,"
digging into my eggs first before starting on my pancakes, "and since you
insist on doing that, I'm putting Dawn in charge to make sure you don't become
a hermit. I want you hot and sexy when I introduce you," grabbing the
front of her shirt and returning her passionate kiss from last night.
That left
"We should really get you a bag or two packed, and if your good, we'll
take Dawn and Kennedy out to lunch with us before taking you to the
airport," My head was saying yes to what she was saying, but my heart was
yelling no.
"No, we can pack me a bag and order lunch for the four of us, but the
three of you aren't taking me to the airport. I'm not meeting Catherine all
puffy-eyed from tearful non goodbyes," I got a quiet 'deal' as we climbed
out of bed and headed for my room.
Well, the packing and lunch went quickly, so when my taxi arrived, I grabbed my
bag and Dawn's hand and headed outside. I put my bag in the backseat before
facing my younger sister, "I want you to keep an eye on her, Dawnie. I
don't want her to be all about keeping this place running smoothly. If you have
to, sick Fred on her," feeling the tears coming as I gave Dawn a tight hug
before quickly getting into the cab.
The taxi and plane rides were pretty much a blur, so after grabbing my
carry-on, I worked my way through the throngs of commuters heading for the car
rental place, but then I saw a guy holding a sign saying 'Summers'.
Okay, somebody is getting their ass kicked. I have a license now, and people
aren't that afraid to ride with me.
The guy handed me a letter as we headed out to the car. It was a faxed letter
from
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"I'm looking for Catherine Willows."
---
The doorbell woke me up, and I looked over at the clock and realized that Sara
and I had fallen asleep on the couch. Then, I saw it was a little after nine. I
quickly removed myself from Sara's grasp before the doorbell woke her up. Sara
is sweet, yes, but if she is woken up before her body wants to be up, she is
cranky. I was just hoping Barbara wasn't at the door, but when I opened it, I
found a guy holding a clipboard and a packet.
"Sign this," shoving the clipboard at me, so I quickly signed to get
him out of my hair.
I put the packet under my arm and headed into the kitchen to start some coffee.
Thanks to Greg, I can't drink regular coffee anymore, so I started brewing the
Sumatran blend before opening the flap of the packet. I pulled out a thick file
and then saw the name on the folder before shoving it back into the packet and
tossing it onto the counter.
"That son of a bitch!"
"What did Sam do now?" I jumped at the sound of Sara's voice,
but then she wrapped her arms around me, "Is that what I think it
is?"
"Yep, daddy dearest trying to protect me, but like I told Mom, I care what
has happened in her life, but I don't want to read about in a file. I'm going
to love her the same as I love Lindsay, and I hope to
learn about the things in that file from her telling me. It's like you. I could have read about your past, but I wanted you to trust me
enough to tell me yourself," kissing Sara tenderly until I felt arms
around my legs.
"Good morning Mom and Sara. Is it okay if I just have cereal? I want to
finish my book before
Breakfast went quickly and quietly, and after Sara and I took care of the dishes,
we went to work on the housework. I started with the laundry while Sara started
cleaning. The sweeper could wait until after Lindsay leaves. Sara and I like to
get the chores out of the way early, so we can spend the rest of our time off
together. Plus, we try to hold off getting amorous with Linds
around since we usually get interupted.
I was working on my third load when the doorbell rang again, but before I got a
chance to answer it, I got a run-by kiss from Lindsay, and Barbara and I
exchanged waves before she closed the door. The rest of the morning and first
part of the afternoon went by swiftly. So once we were finished, we headed to
the kitchen to make lunch.
I kept glancing over at the packet while Sara made us lunch, "Baby, I
could call some contacts in Frisco to see if she is okay," I just shook my
head at Sara's offer.
"No, I don't want to butt into her life. I don't even know if that is her
life anymore. She could have straightened things around. Thank you for the
offer though, my sweet," leaning across the bar for a kiss, "How
about some 'dessert' after lunch?" I got a growl as she cut our sandwiches
and handed me my salad.
After disposing of our lunch dishes, Sara picked me up by my butt and was
deeply kneading my cheeks as we staggered into the living room kissing. I
straddled Sara's legs as we plopped down onto the couch, and she made quick
work of the buttons on my shirt before popping open the front clasp of my bra
and starting to suck on one of my nipples, and just as she slid her hand
between my legs, there was a knock at the door.
"Fuck!" I moaned as Sara starting laughing with my breast still in
her mouth. I just leaned my head down to kiss her before redressing. I stumbled
to the door and opened it to find a young blonde woman.
"Can I help you?" This is Vegas, of course.
"I'm looking for Catherine Willows," It couldn't be her, could it.
To be continued…