Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I’m not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.

Spoilers: Starts during the events of “The Harsh Light of Day,” and contains spoilers for the remainder of S4.

A/N: This is a challenge fic. It follows the following guidelines

1. B/T, but Buffy and Tara knew each other from Hemery, and we all know Buffy was a BITCH. How they meet is up to you, but don't make Tara cave too early on forgiveness.

2. W/F are a couple since Faith showed up in S3. None of the badness happened except the Deputy Mayor, but was handled without the Wesley clusterfuck.

3. Obvious S4, and I know you are and have done the Adam thing, so you can decide what to do with that.

4. The only thing I ask is you do a Beer Bad chapter, so the whole stinky Parker thing happens which could be where Tara finally sees change in Buffy.

Rating: NC-17…eventually

Archiving: By permission only

Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5

CHAPTER 1

Tara knocked softly on the door and waited. No one answered. Biting her lip, she used her new key and let herself into the dorm room. The small space was cluttered – on one side. The other side was bare. She didn’t have much. In fact, even after she’d unpacked and set out her few personal items, the room still appeared to have only one occupant.

Grabbing her journal, she collapsed on her bed. Hey, Mama. I just moved into my new room. I’m going to miss having a single, but this way the scholarship will pay for all of the room and board. I just hope my roommate will be OK with me showing up unannounced. Laying the pen down for a minute, Tara took a slip of paper out of the back of the journal and smoothed it out next to her. It wasn’t anything earth shattering, just a simple computer printout with the name of her new roommate and the room number. Her stomach clenched as she gently traced the name. Buffy Summers. You don’t think it’s the same one, do you, Mama? I mean, what are the chances that both of us would end up in Sunnydale?

“Hey, Buffy, what’s the door…“ A slender redhead stopped abruptly in the doorway. “Um, sorry. Wrong room.” She grinned and backed up, glancing at the room number. “Or not. Is Buffy here?”

Ducking her head so her hair covered her eyes, Tara stuttered, “I ha-haven’t s-seen her.”

The visitor crossed her arms, frowning fiercely. “Haven’t seen her, like she’s just down the hall? Or haven’t seen her, like the door was open and you just let yourself in?”

Tara closed her journal and moved toward the headboard. “I have a k-key.”

“Oh.” The girl seemed more confused but a little less hostile.

Face bright red, Tara admitted, “I’m her n-new roommate.” A quick glance showed the redhead about to ask a question. “H-here’s the form.” She held the half-sheet out in case the girl didn’t believe her.

“Wow! That was fast.” The girl bounced closer, and a hand appeared in front of Tara’s nose. “I’m Willow. Willow Rosenberg.”

“T-Tara.” She clasped the hand briefly before falling silent again.

The silence stretched only seconds, though. Willow sat cross-legged on the other bed. “So, Tara, are you a freshman, too? We are. I mean, me and Buffy and my girlfriend Faith.” She gasped. “Oh Goddess, that came out wrong. I don’t usually just blurt it out like that. You don’t…you’re OK with lesbians, right?”

The wide, horror-filled green eyes were too cute. Tara giggled.

Willow grinned at the sound. “That’s an ‘OK with lesbians’ giggle?”

“W-well, I don’t usually give my g-giggles n-names, but yes. No problem with lesbians.” Feeling more relaxed by the second, Tara leaned back against the wall and tucked her hair behind her left ear. “Do you and F-Faith live here, too?”

“No!” Willow’s eyes widened in horror. “Faith and other students would so not be a good thing.”

Not wanting to offend the friendly redhead, Tara didn’t ask for an explanation.

Perhaps sensing Tara’s unease, Willow rushed on to a different topic. “So, what are you studying?” She barely paused to breathe, and certainly didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m working on a computer science degree. Did you know UC-Sunnydale has one of the best programs in the state for that? And Faith…well, Faith isn’t really sure of her major yet. She and Buffy aren’t big with the studying, you know.”

Fighting off giggles at the infectious babble, Tara commented, “I think it’s normal for freshmen to have trouble picking a major. You seem to know what you want to do, though. Computer science.” She frowned, trying to think of something to ask.

Willow giggled. “I recognize that look.”

“Wh-what look?” Tara blushed, hating the stutter.

“The ‘what does a computer science major do, anyway’ look.” Willow stretched out on her side, head propped in her hand. “Don’t worry. I get it a lot.” She watched Tara quietly for a second, causing the blonde to hide behind her hair again. “You never said what you’re studying.”

“Oh, um, I’m working on a d-double major in History and Re-Religious Studies.” Tara forced herself to look up, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m a sophomore.”

“Really? Cool.” Willow smiled. “Hey, I need to run. Do you have any plans for tonight? I mean, I’m sure Buffy will ask you when she gets here, but just in case she’s late or something. You want to meet us all at the Bronze tonight? There’ll just be a few of us. Me and Faith, Buffy, and our friend Xander and his girlfriend.”

Tara automatically shook her head then made the mistake of actually looking at Willow.

“Please?” The green eyes silently begged her to change her mind, and Willow’s lower lip pushed out slightly.

Unable to look away, Tara fought the pull of Willow’s pleading face. “N-no.” The lip slid out further. Goddess, I bet her girlfriend does anything Willow wants. She was completely mesmerized, head nodding without conscious thought. “Sure. I gu-guess I could come for a while.” She blinked dazedly when the pout transformed into a beaming smile.

“Perfect. We’ll see you about eight then.” Willow bounced off the bed. “Buffy can walk you there.” She hesitated by the door. “Sunnydale isn’t really safe after dark. If she’s not back by seven thirty, give me a call.” She pointed at a message board by the door. “The number’s right here: Faith and Willow.”

“OK,” Tara mumbled.

Willow glared. “Not OK. Promise. No going out on your own.”

The vehemence didn’t match Willow’s usual personality. Not wanting to upset her new acquaintance and possible friend, Tara agreed, “No going out alone. If Buffy’s not here, I’ll call.”

Apparently satisfied, Willow waved and disappeared down the hall.

***

Buffy took the stairs three at a time. Another roommate. Perfect. If this one is like Kathy, in any way, I am so moving back home. Huh. She paused at the landing. Maybe I should. Mom’s been acting kinda weird lately. Shelving that idea for later examination, she bounded up the next flight.

The door to her room was open. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Buffy stepped inside. “Hey,” she greeted the blonde girl lying on the bed.

The blonde head snapped up, blue eyes widening in what looked like horror. “B-B-Buffy.”

“That’s me.” A little confused by the other girl’s expression, Buffy flashed her biggest smile. “Buffy Summers, Freshman.” The attempt at suave and funny failed. The blue eyes disappeared behind a curtain of hair. Stepping farther into the room, Buffy dropped her book bag next to her desk and flopped onto her bed. The silence was suffocating.

Unable to take the quiet any longer, Buffy sat up and spun so she faced her new roommate. “I know this is awkward.” She cleared her throat and wiped sweating palms on the bedspread. “Could you tell me your name?”

A short laugh answered her.

Buffy waited for more. When it became apparent the blonde wasn’t talking, Buffy tried again. “Something funny? ‘Cause I’m all for a little humor. It keeps me from turning into Grumpy Buffy, so not a pretty sight.”

“S-stop. Just stop.” Buffy fell silent, staring at the bent head. “I can’t be-believe this.”

“Can’t believe what?” Buffy was starting to get frustrated by the girl’s actions.

The blonde head slowly rose. Angry blue eyes glared at Buffy. “You don’t re-remember me, do you?”

Frowning, Buffy stared back, examining the other girl closely. Something about her did seem familiar. Searching her memory, though, didn’t produce a name or anything else useful. “I…not really. You look familiar. Have we met before?”

The girl slid off the bed. Arms wrapped tightly around her frame, she sniffed and blinked against the wetness in her eyes.

“Hey, if I did something to make you mad, I’m so sorry.” Buffy started to get up, stopping when the blonde shied away.

“S-sorry.” The word seemed to eek out from between clenched teeth. “I’m sup-supposed to believe that? You c-can’t even remember what you did.” Her deep breath echoed in the otherwise silent room. “My l-life sucks so mu-much,” she mumbled to herself. Then, louder, she directed at Buffy, “I’ll c-call the Housing Office in the mor-morning. I’m sure there’s s-someone else looking for a roommate.”

“But-“ Buffy broke off as a slender hand snapped up, palm out.

“No. I w-won’t…I can’t do this again.” She grabbed a backpack, stuffing it with books and other supplies while Buffy simply stared in shock. “T-tell Willow I’m sor-sorry I couldn’t make it.” Bag looped over left shoulder, the blonde scurried out the door.

Still not sure what had happened, Buffy slowly climbed off the bed and closed the door to the dorm room. “What the hell was that all about?” Searching through her book bag, she located the form from the Housing Office. After reading the part about them assigning her a new roommate, Buffy had crumpled the letter and tossed it into her bag. She needed a name. It took a complete clearing of the cluttered bag before she found it. Impatiently straightening the balled-up paper, Buffy scanned the information. There! Tara Maclay.

“Oh, no.” Feeling suddenly nauseous, Buffy stumbled to the bed and sat down. This had to be some kind of sick joke. It couldn’t really be her, could it? Remembering the horrified blue eyes and the terrible stutter, Buffy acknowledged the fact her life really, really was a nightmare.

CHAPTER 2

After a few minutes of staring at her hands, Buffy dragged herself up. Willow. She needed to talk to Willow. She grabbed the phone, punching in the number with shaking fingers.

“Yeah?” Faith growled in her ear.

“Hey, it’s Buffy.” Duh, I’m sure Faith couldn’t recognize your voice. “Is Will there?”

A snort came through the phone. “Nah, it’s not like she lives here or anything.” An angry voice sounded in the background. When Faith spoke again, her voice was resigned. “She’s here. Hang on, B.”

The wait wasn’t long. “Buffy? Hi! Are you home? I met your new roommate. She seems…”

“Will!” Buffy interrupted. A shocked silence followed her outburst. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just…there’s a problem with Tara.”

“Already?” Willow’s voice squeaked. “She’s not another demon is she?”

Leaning her head against the wall, Buffy mumbled, “No. I’m betting she thinks I’m one, though.” Hurrying to avoid the questions she was sure were on the way, Buffy continued, “You think we could move up the get together at the Bronze? There are some things you guys need to know about me and Tara.”

“I guess so. We were just going to dinner before heading to the Bronze. You want to join us for food before fun?” Willow asked.

Did she want to have dinner with them? Buffy considered that. Willow pestering her with questions while Faith glared because she was interrupting their romantic dinner plans. “No.” The refusal was firm. “I’m going to head by Mom’s and say hi. She’s been mopey lately. Can we meet at, say, seven instead of eight?”

“Seven it is. Um…Are you bringing Tara? I kind of invited her along,” Willow mumbled the last few words.

“I don’t think she’s coming, Will.” One more lie wouldn’t make any difference at this point. Right? Buffy vowed to explain everything – even today’s scene with Tara – when they met at the Bronze. “She…she said she had something else to do.”

Willow’s voice ended in a gasp, and a loud smack sounded. Buffy heard Faith grumbling in the background. “OK. Um…is…is that all, Buffy?” Willow cleared her throat. “’Cause, you know, things to do and all that.”

More like Faith to do, Buffy commented to herself. “Yeah, that’s it. Can you let Xander know…” The line went dead. “…about the change in plans, too?” she said to the dial tone. “Guess not.”

Her next call yielded a message for Xander. Of course, knowing his mother, he’d never get it. She’d call again from home. Grabbing her Emergency Slaying Kit, Buffy ran out of the dorm, lengthening her stride as soon as she cleared the more populated areas. The trip didn’t take long. She stood awkwardly outside the front door. Should she knock? She didn’t live here anymore, even if she had a key. Deciding to cover all her bases, Buffy rapped her knuckles against the door a couple of times before using her key to let herself in.

“Mom?” she called out.

Joyce rushed out of the kitchen, smiling. “Buffy!” She grabbed a stunned Buffy in a crushing hug. “You’re OK? Nothing’s wrong?”

Wiggling a little against the tight embrace, Buffy shook her head. “No. Everything’s fine.” She cursed her mother’s instincts. Joyce’s eyebrows rose. “They are. All is good in Buffyland.” The eyebrows didn’t come down, and Buffy slumped against her mother. “Alright. You win.”

“I usually do, honey.” Joyce pulled away, leaving an arm wrapped around Buffy’s waist. She walked them to the living room and sat down on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I mostly want to crawl into a deep hole and stay there,” Buffy mumbled.

Pulling a leg up on the couch, Joyce turned to Buffy. “Sounds serious.”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah. Way serious.” She picked up a pillow, hugging it tightly to her chest. “Remember right before we moved here, we had this big argument?” Buffy kept her gaze on the floor. “You said a lot of stuff I didn’t want to hear. Mostly about the way I was acting and my loser friends.”

“Honey-“ Joyce sat forward, a hand on Buffy’s knee.

“You were right, Mom. So right.” A tear slipped out. “My new roommate showed up this afternoon,” Buffy went on.

Joyce’s hand tightened on her knee. “Is she nice?”

“I don’t know.” More tears spilled over. “She ran out as soon as she met me.” Buffy bit her lip, depression setting in.

“Buffy, I’m confused.” Joyce gripped Buffy’s chin, raising her head and looking into her eyes. “First, you mention a fight we had over three years ago and now you’re crying because you’re new roommate didn’t like you? Honey, please tell me what’s really bothering you.”

“I don’t think we have that much time.” Buffy tried to pull away. Tried to get back some control. It didn’t work. The fingers on her chin tightened in warning. Joyce wasn’t going away. “OK. It’s…it’s kind of a long story.”

Joyce chuckled and moved back a little. “You know what they say, honey. Start from the beginning.”

***

Tara gripped the paper cup in her hands and stared at the murky liquid. Why couldn’t life get any better? Last year had been fine. She’d hidden away in her single-occupant room and studied. Tara smiled at the memory. No shouting or hitting. No demands to care for her father and brother. Just the luxury of her books and her magic.

Then the university’s budget crisis had interfered, and she’d lost her work-study job. That’s why Tara had given up the single room. And that, she told herself grimly, was when the real problem – Buffy Summers – had reentered her life.

“More coffee?” A cheerful voice broke into her thoughts.

Glancing up, Tara blushed and shook her head. “No, I’m f-fine.” It was true. Or…it would be. Tara was good at being fine.

The young woman in the Student Union T-shirt was persistent. “You sure? I just brewed this.” She peered into Tara’s cup. “That looks like it’s been there awhile.”

“No, thank you.” Tara forced her shoulders straighter and gave - the nametag said Tina - a small smile.

“Sure.” With a wave of her coffee pot, Tina sauntered away. Tara watched her progress as she bounced from table to table.

The large Student Union was full for a Friday night. She checked the clock. Six thirty. Almost time for her to call Willow and her girlfriend about the thing at the Bronze. If only Buffy hadn’t come back to the room first. Damn it. She’d actually been looking forward to getting out and meeting some new people. Her only ‘friends’ were the members of her Wicca group.

Tara wasn’t so sure ‘friends’ was the right word.

This was getting her nowhere. Tara took one last sip of her coffee, grimacing at the cold, bitter taste and stood up. She had to find a place to stay for the night. The library was open late. And, since it was the weekend, there wouldn’t be too much trouble finding a quiet corner to hide in.

The last rays of sunshine had already faded when she exited the union building. Right now, the campus looked deserted. Only a few students traversed the paths.

“Hey, wait up!” a voice shouted behind her.

Tara continued to walk, head bowed and book bag banging against her hip.

“Hey!” the voice said again and a hand grabbed her arm.

Flinching from the contact, Tara tried to jerk away. Her eyes flew up to check out her attacker.

The coffee girl from the union?

Tara relaxed slightly but continued to try to move away from the hand on her arm.

“Sorry.” Tina smiled reassuringly and stepped back. She put her hands in the air in a gesture of apology. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Th-that’s OK,” Tara lied. “I j-just didn’t hear y-you behind me.” Smiling at Tina, she spoke slowly, hoping to stave off more stuttering. “I’m headed to the library. What about you?”

Her response caused Tina’s eyes to widen. “The library? On a Friday night?” A slender arm wrapped around Tara’s waist, and Tina moved them off the path and across the grass in the quad. “I’ve got some friends at one of the houses on Greek Row. They’re having a little party.”

“P-party?” Tara froze. “I…I don’t d-do parties.” Parties meant people and talking. No parties.

“Hey, we don’t bite.” Tina’s teeth flashed in the dim lighting of the pathway. “Come on. I promise it’ll be fun.”

Tara nibbled on her lip but let Tina resume their trek. Maybe it would be OK. Maybe, just this once, things would work out. “Which house?” she managed to ask.

“Tri Sigma.” Tina leaned her head down, resting it on Tara’s. It was too close, too soon.

Squirming, Tara tried to put some distance between them.

Tina’s grip tightened.

That was it. Tara jerked against the arm holding her but couldn’t break free. “Let me go!”

“That isn’t part of the plan.” Wrenching her around, Tina smiled down at her. “Too bad for the others you got cold feet. Good for me, though. I won’t have to share.”

Tara screamed when Tina’s face shift into something out of a horror movie. She dug her feet into the ground, fighting to get away. She wasn’t strong enough. Breath coming in hoarse gasps, Tara searched her memory for something, anything…An image of her mother and their attic room surfaced. Yes. That would work.

She stopped struggling and began to chant. Power sluggishly filled her channels. Opening herself more fully to the magical energies around her, Tara pulled in more. Her skin tingled with the influx.

“Hey, did one of you ask for an escort home?” a voice asked out of the darkness.

The interruption shattered Tara’s concentration. The magic surrounding her splintered and then grounded in a rush. Dizzy and shaking from the strain, she stared at the slender brunette twirling a piece of wood in her hand.

“Slayer.” Tina seemed to know her. She threw Tara to the ground and rushed forward with an inhuman growl. She managed three steps.

With a casual flick of her wrist, the other girl tossed the wood. It flew through the air like a bullet, lodging in Tina’s chest. Seconds later, Tina disappeared.

CHAPTER 3

Tara stared at the pile of ash on the ground. It was the only thing left of Tina.

“You OK?” a husky voice asked.

Jerking in surprise, Tara moved her eyes from the ground. Warm brown eyes regarded her quizzically. “Uh…I th-think s-so,” she stuttered. Although, her answer might have been a slight exaggeration. Tara’s head ached from the rapid power influx and the fine tremors running through her body.

The other girl must have noticed them, too. One of her eyebrows went up and she smirked. “Glad to hear it. For a second there, I thought you might be a little shaken up, Blondie.”

Despite the truth in those words, Tara found herself smiling. “Maybe ju-just a little.”

“No big. Here.” A hand gripped her forearm. “Let me help you up.”

Tara didn’t even have time to get her feet under her. With one easy tug, she was upright and swaying slightly. “Do you w-work out a l-lot?” She tilted her head, chancing a look at her savior’s aura. Her shaky knees got less reliable. A narrow golden shimmer surrounded the other girl, and raw power pulsed underneath. “Wh-what are you?” she gasped.

“Ah…” Confidence crumbling, the brunette took a step back. “What do you mean?” The tone had bravado written all over it. The body language backed that up, shoulders hunched and hands stuffed deep in pockets.

“Faith!” Another figure darted toward them.

Faith? Tara frowned. The name was familiar. Where…?

Everything got clearer when the panting form skidded to a stop next to them. “Hey, you said you were going to swing by Greek Row. There was nothing about chatting up other women.”

The giggle escaped before Tara could stop it. “D-don’t worry, Willow. Faith was j-just hel-helping me with my d-date.”

“Your date?” Willow looked at Tara and suddenly seemed to realize who she was. “Tara. Hi!” Bouncing on her toes and peering through the rapidly darkening area, she asked, “I don’t see anyone. Did he run away? Faith can be a little…scary sometimes.”

And magnificent, Tara thought, remembering Faith and the accuracy of her throw. “My date is…” She pointed at the ashes.

“Oh.” Willow didn’t seem too surprised or even confused by the remains. “That happens a lot around here, I’m afraid. Remember? I told you it wasn’t safe.” Then she frowned, eyes going intent.

“Something wrong, Red?” Tara edged away from Faith as she scanned the area. “I don’t feel anything.”

Green eyes locked on Tara’s blue ones.

“I do.” Willow pointed a slender finger at Tara. “She’s a witch.”

***

Taking a deep breath, Buffy nodded. “The beginning…that would be my very first day at Hemery.” She could see the brightly polished tiles of the hallway, newly painted lockers lining the walls. “I’d met the captain of the cheerleading squad. My bimbo act wasn’t enough to impress her. I needed something more dramatic. More…A-list.”

“You came home that day on top of the world. I take it you found your victim?” Joyce’s voice was soft and encouraging.

The support helped. The lump in Buffy’s throat shrank a little, letting her voice smooth out and grow in volume. “Yeah. I did. There was this sophomore, a blonde girl who dressed like a reject from the sixties. Tara Maclay. Kind of like Willow…only worse. She stuttered really bad and she was so shy, she hid behind her hair if you even looked at her.”

Tara was still like that.

“Marcie pointed her out and told me to show them I could ‘fit in,’ so I did. I pretended to want to be her friend.” Just like the Willow she’d met during her first day at Sunnydale High, Tara had been shocked at the attention. Shocked and grateful. “We hung out together at lunch, and I asked her to meet me before fifth period to talk about maybe going to the mall after school.”

The lump was back. God, she been such a bitch.

“That’s it?” Joyce leaned back a little and looked at her closely. “I get a visit from my missing daughter over that?”

“I wish,” Buffy mumbled. “That was just the tip of the iceberg.”

Neither of them said anything while Buffy shifted, drawing both legs up on the couch and turning so she faced Joyce.

When she resumed her story, Buffy’s voice was soft and pained. “I told the cheerleading girls what I’d done. That’s why I was so happy that day. It got me a spot with the ‘in’ crowd.” She rubbed her eyes tiredly. “When the time came to meet Tara…All the squad was there. The boyfriends and the groupies, too.”

“Oh, Buffy. You didn’t.” Buffy couldn’t even look at her mother at that.

“I did,” Buffy confirmed. “Right there in the middle of the mall, with all those people just waiting and listening, I told her it had all been a joke. Why would I want to do anything with her?”

Those wide, hurt blue eyes welling with tears filled Buffy’s mind.

“It was terrible, Mom.” Her own tears spilled over. “She looked…” There weren’t any words to describe the pain in Tara’s eyes. “I…I just laughed.” Buffy’s throat contracted at the remembered sound. “And I didn’t stop there. For the rest of the year, I kept at her. Nothing on that scale. Just small stuff: tripping her in the hallway, ‘accidentally’ bumping her in the cafeteria so she spilled her tray, faking a stutter when she was around...”

Wanting to find that hole she’d mentioned earlier, Buffy scrubbed her hands over her face.

“Maybe it’s a good thing you got Called, honey.” Arms wrapped around Buffy, and Joyce kissed the side of her head. “It got you out of all of that.”

Not ready to forgive herself, Buffy shrugged.

“Buffy!” Joyce rocked them. “Answer this: would you do that again?”

Wrenching away, Buffy stared at her mother in horror. “No!”

“Then I don’t see the problem.” Joyce patted Buffy’s knee. “I’m sure if you talk to Tara, you can explain that you’ve changed.”

Buffy rubbed the fingers of her right hand over her temple. “Mom, she doesn’t want to hear it. She tore out of the room tonight when she saw me. In the morning, she wants to tell the school she won’t room with me. I’m not going to get the chance to explain anything.”

Her depressed mumble got a loving smile from Joyce. “Come on, honey. I’ll fix us some dinner and we’ll make a battle plan. You may not be my little girl anymore, but I’m still here to help with all those bumps and scrapes.”

***

“Is that ‘Willow’ for bitch or am I about to get fried with a fireball?” Faith edged away from Tara, hands held palm out in a placating gesture.

The actions dredged a smile from Tara. Willow, though, didn’t appear to find it funny. Her brows nearly met over her intent green eyes. “She could have taken care of that vampire and his entire family, Faith. Without breaking a sweat.”

Tara mentally agreed…assuming she could have remembered the right spell and recited it without stuttering. “I w-wouldn’t hur-hurt you.” Forcing herself not to duck her head, Tara met Willow’s eyes. “I only use my m-magic for good.”

“Huh,” Faith grunted, relaxing her stance. “Gotta be careful around here. Just ask Red. It’s like the vamps and demons got a sense for witches. You’ll be at the top of their dinner menu if you don’t pay attention.

Tara didn’t point out that she’d been in Sunnydale for over a year now without attracting the wrong kind of crowd. “Are you a witch, too, Willow?” Maybe she was hiding her talents too much. If she’d been paying attention to auras earlier, she would have known from the beginning.

“Sort of.” Willow’s teeth brightened the night as she grinned. “I have some books, and I try to work on the spells. So far, though, I’m only good for levitating pencils.”

Moving closer, Faith wrapped an arm around Willow. “Good for way more than that, Red.”

Even in the dark, Tara could see Willow’s blush. “You’re se-self taught?” She definitely needed to keep her magical eyes open. It was incredibly difficult to learn the intricacies of spell casting from just a book – not to mention dangerous.

“Well, Giles did show me a few things,” Willow answered.

“Giles?” How many witches were there in the tiny town of Sunnydale?

Eyes widening, Willow looked up at Faith. “He’s…ah…he was the librarian at our high school. You know, big on books and knowing things. That’s what librarians do. And…he was really good at his job. I mean, I went in-“

Her voice cut off abruptly when Faith kissed her. When they broke apart, Tara covered her mouth with her hand to hide a smile. Willow looked dazed, and she was sure the color on Willow’s cheeks wasn’t from embarrassment this time.

“Come on, Blondie. Me and Red are on the way to the Bronze. I think we got a lot to talk about.” Faith used the arm around Willow’s waist to steer them around. “We’ll be your escort.”

The Bronze. Willow and Faith. Buffy “No…no, that’s OK. I was on m-my way to the lib-brary. We can talk t-tomorrow.” Or never. That would be Tara’s first choice. “Can you ju-just take me there?”

CHAPTER 4

Tara should have known better. “The library? On a Friday? Even Red ain’t that dedicated.” Faith tilted her head and looked at her. “You trying to get rid of us or something?”

“N-no,” Tara stuttered. Not exactly. “I…I ha-have a paper I need to w-work on.” She took a few steps toward the path. “It’s OK. I c-can get there myself.”

“Right. ‘Cause you did so well the first time.” Faith pulled Willow along as she jogged up next to Tara. “I’m not the best at judging people, but even I know you’re hiding something. What is it, Blondie? Better you tell me. You don’t, I’ll unleash Red.”

Glancing at Willow, Tara flinched from the intent, almost commanding expression. She’d caved to that look once before. It was unlikely she’d do better a second time. “I was go-going to spend the n-night there,” Tara mumbled.

“Spend the night?” Willow grabbed her arm. “Why? You just moved in with Buffy.”

That was the problem. Tara didn’t want to say that, though. Willow was Buffy’s friend. “I’m mo-moving out in the morning.” The words popped out, and Tara closed her eyes with a moan. She hadn’t meant to say that.

“Moving out?” They could probably hear Willow’s voice on all the way in Los Angeles. “You just moved in.” Her grip on Tara’s arm tightened until her fingers dug painfully into Tara’s skin. “What did Buffy do?”

“Red.” Faith pried the fingers off Tara’s arm. “You’re gonna leave dents with that grip”

Rubbing at the spot Willow had grabbed, Tara stayed silent.

Unfortunately, Willow didn’t accept her non-answer. Arms over her chest, Willow glared at Tara, brows almost meeting over her eyes. Her lips pressed into a thin line. “What did Buffy do?” she demanded.

“She didn’t do anything.” Tara shrugged mental shoulders and gave in. Part of her wanted this. Wanted to finally tell someone about the abuse at the hands of Hemery’s golden girl.

“I ain’t buying that, Blondie.” Faith stood just behind Willow, hands resting on her girlfriend’s shoulders. “’Nothing’ don’t make someone hide in a library instead of sleeping in their own bed.”

Trying again, Tara said softly, “She didn’t do anything today. It was in high school.” Her eyes closed and her shoulder drooped forward. High school. They should have called it was it really was: hell.

Willow’s groan surprised her. “Frilly heck. She mentioned something about this once.”

“Huh?” Faith seemed as confused as Tara. “What did B do?”

“Think Cordy and the Cordettes, Faith.” Was Willow speaking English? “She said she was like them, mean and petty.”

Faith snorted. “That’s a newsflash? She’s still like that.”

Her suspicions were right, then. Buffy hadn’t changed. Tara wrapped her arms around her stomach. The library was a good idea. So was looking for another roommate.

One of Willow’s hands shot out and she pinched Faith in the side.

“Ow!” Jumping back, Faith rubbed her side. “What the fuck was that for?”

“Buffy is not like that, and you know it.” Now her glare turned on Faith. Tara was gratified to see the other girl wilt beneath the heat. “She’s so not a Cordy clone anymore.”

Lip stuck out in a pout, Faith looked around the clearing – anywhere except at Willow.

“Faith,” Willow warned, one slender finger pointing at her girlfriend.

“OK. B’s not like Cordy.” The admission seemed torn out of a very reluctant Faith. “She just pushes my buttons, that’s all.”

Nodding firmly, Willow turned back to Tara. “What did she do, Tara?” Her voice was gentler this time. “Believe me; I’ve been a victim of the cheerleaders of the world. I’ll understand.”

It was like her encouragement opened the floodgates. Tears spilled from Tara’s eyes as she stuttered and sobbed her way through the story. “She m-made my life mis-miserable. All those p-people in the mall. L-laughing at me,” Tara related the incident in the mall. “And…and th-then, she just kept pushing m-me. In the hall-hallway and the cafeteria. The school ch-charged me for my b-books because they got ripped from me dr-dropping them all the time.”

Now, four years later, her tale sounded pathetic and unimportant. However, Tara remembered the way she’d thrown up before going to school. Just the sight of Buffy in the hallway had sent her running for cover.

A pair of arms enveloped Tara. “She isn’t like that anymore,” Willow promised softly. “I’d never be friends with someone like that, Tara. I put up with that from the time I was in Kindergarten. No one deserves that. As a matter of fact, Buffy helped me get over it; helped me find my confidence.”

Wiping her eyes, Tara met Willow’s sincere gaze. She wanted to believe Willow. She wanted to let go of the past.

However, the harsh sound of mocking laughter echoed in her mind.

“Please t-take me to the li-library,” Tara said softly.

***

The lasagna was excellent. Buffy concentrated on eating – and on avoiding any more talk about Tara.

“That’s the last of it, honey. Once you finish, we’re talking.” Joyce started clearing the table.

Suddenly, the food wasn’t so good anymore. It sat heavily in Buffy’s stomach, and she swallowed against the bile burning her throat. “Can we not and say we did?” she pleaded. “I mean, she’s moving out in the morning. That’s what she told me. I might not ever see her again.”

She looked away from the disappointed hazel eyes that Joyce turned her way.

“Or we could talk,” Buffy mumbled, playing with her silverware.

“That’s my little girl.” Patting Buffy’s shoulder, Joyce cleaned off the dirty dishes. “Always making the right choices. You can point that out to Tara the next time you see her.”

Buffy laughed reluctantly. “How do you do that, Mom?” She looked up at Joyce, who was leaning against the sink. “Make everything OK?”

“I wish I could make it OK, Buffy.” Walking closer, Joyce sat down in a chair and gripped Buffy’s hand. “I can’t, though. I can only help you come up with ways to deal with your decisions.”

Joyce’s hand was a lifeline. Hanging onto it, Buffy closed her eyes. “I can’t convince Tara of anything unless I talk to her, but I don’t even know where she is or if she’ll come back to the room.”

“Did she leave anything there tonight?” Joyce stroked her thumb soothingly over the back of Buffy’s hand. “If so, she’ll have to come back to pack up again.”

“I…I hadn’t thought of that.” Who was she kidding? Once she’d figured out who Tara was, she hadn’t been thinking at all. Buffy tried to remember if there was anything of Tara’s in the room. “Maybe. A couple of pictures. I only really saw her books and a back pack.”

Buffy’s frown grew. Where were the rest of Tara’s things?

“I guess she might have been meaning to move the rest of her stuff in tomorrow.” That meant Tara didn’t have to go back to their room. Buffy slumped. This wasn’t getting them anywhere.

“Honey, go back to the dorm and wait. See if Tara comes back. Then talk to her.” Joyce’s voice was insistent. “I know you can’t tell her about the Slaying, but…Can you use character witnesses?”

Opening her eyes, Buffy shrugged. “You mean get Will and Xander to tell Tara what a great friend I am?” She rolled her eyes. “That’ll work, Mom.” Then another thought hit her. “I haven’t told them about Tara. I might not get a good reference once they know what I did.” Her stomach cramped.

“Come on, honey. Enough with the Pity Poor Buffy routine.” Joyce pulled her hand away and tapped Buffy’s knee. “Those two are your biggest fans. Do you really think something you did three years ago, in another life, would make them turn on you?”

When she put it like that, it did sound crazy. “No,” Buffy mumbled.

“Then lets not get carried away,” Joyce insisted.

“Is that all I can do?” It didn’t sound like much. “I don’t think Tara will care what Will and Xander say. I know I wouldn’t…if Tara had done all that to me.”

Tilting her head, Joyce appeared to think hard. “It’s a start, honey. Maybe it might convince Tara to not move out. Once she spends time with you, she’ll realize you aren’t going to torment or tease her anymore.”

“I’ll try.” Buffy wasn’t convinced it would work. However, it was the only plan she had. Glancing at the clock, she groaned. “Shit.”

Joyce cleared her throat warningly.

“Mo-om,” Buffy whined. She was in college now. It wasn’t like she’d said anything really bad.

Sandy eyebrows rose over narrowed hazel eyes.

Slumping, Buffy uttered a soft, “Sorry,” before explaining the outburst. “I’m supposed to meet the gang at the Bronze in about ten minutes.” She straightened and smiled grimly. “It’s time to start Phase One in our plan – admitting my sins to the Scoobies.”

CHAPTER 5

“Good luck, honey.” Joyce leaned forward and hugged Buffy’s shoulders before standing. “Call me and let me know how things go.” Then she looked at Buffy with an almost wistful expression. “Unless…”

Getting to her feet, Buffy wondered what was wrong. “Unless what, Mom?”

“Well,” Joyce turned away and started industriously wiping down the counters. “I just thought it might be nice if you spent the night here and we went out to breakfast. You know…like old times.”

Old times? Buffy rolled her eyes. Had more time passed than she realized? “Mom, I’ve only been in college since August. I don’t think ‘Old Times’ apply.” It did sound fun, though. A lot more fun than an empty dorm room or an angry roommate. “It’s a date. I’ll spill my dark secrets to the gang and come back here.”

Joyce didn’t turn around when she answered, “Perfect. I’ll look forward to it.” Her voice was choked and nasally. She sniffed and cleared her throat, dishrag never ceasing its movements. “Go on, honey. You don’t want to be late.”

“Bye, Mom. See you later.” Smiling, Buffy trotted out of the kitchen and then the front door. It was a clear night, and stars littered the sky. Despite the dread balled up in her stomach, Buffy whistled as she jogged through Sunnydale. Her mom was right. Willow and Xander would be OK. Faith? Well, Faith would be whatever Willow was.

As Buffy passed Restfield, she hesitated at the front gates. She hadn’t patrolled yet. Worse, she hadn’t made arrangements with Faith to cover for her. Damn. She was already late for the Bronze, and she was the one who’d moved up their meeting time.

Patrol after the Scooby meeting, Buffy promised herself. If things didn’t go the way her mom thought, vampire bashing would be good therapy.

Picking up the pace, Buffy resumed her trek to the Bronze. Thanks to the new time slot, the dimly lit bar and dance club was quiet. Buffy paused at the top of the stairs and peered around. She didn’t see Willow and Faith. Good. She could get a table and decide how to tell them about Tara. Making her way down the stairs, Buffy ordered drinks for the gang and took up residence at their favorite table.

***

“Come on, Tara. Please go to the Bronze with us.” Willow tried the same look she’d used earlier.

This time, though, Tara had confirmation that Buffy was her roommate and the memories from high school to help her. “No.” Although the refusal was soft, it was firm. She wasn’t going to the bar. “The lib-library. Please.”

Wilting, Willow nodded. “OK. Maybe next time.”

Didn’t she ever give up? Lips twitching slightly, Tara agreed, “Maybe next time.” Looping her bag over her shoulder, she started across the quadrangle. Faith and Willow scrambled in her wake.

They walked in silence for a while. Then Faith cleared her throat, and Tara saw her glancing her way. “Uh…T?” Faith grunted slightly at the elbow Willow dug into her side. “I mean, Tara?”

“Yes?” Tara couldn’t stop the smile. Watching Willow and Faith was better than a TV sitcom.

“You didn’t answer Red earlier. If you got all that mojo, why didn’t you dust that vamp?” Faith asked.

Her smile faded. Tara stared at her boots as she walked. “I…I c-couldn’t re-remember the spell,” she admitted. “By the ti-time, I did, you were th-there.”

“That’s so cool!” Willow enthused.

Tara’s head came up in shock.

Bouncing along next to Faith, Willow grinned. “Not the forgetting part. That’s bad. I mean, Faith was there, so no badness happened. I meant the spell part. I don’t even know any spells to forget. What kind of spell were you going to try?”

There was a lag when Willow finished as Tara blinked trying to figure out what Willow had asked amid the flood of words.

“Red wants to know how you were going to kill the vamp,” Faith translated helpfully.

“Oh.” Tara didn’t remember anything like that from Willow’s comments. “I was g-going to try a sun-sunlight spell.” She saw Willow’s mouth open and hurried on to avoid another confusing speech. “My mother t-taught it to me a lo-long time ago.” So long ago, Tara wasn’t sure she could have gotten it to work.

She flinched when Faith’s hand landed on her shoulder.

“Whoa! Easy, T.” Faith pulled back, both hands raised in silent apology. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” She stepped away, giving Tara some space.

Tara could feel Faith’s intent look, though, like a physical touch. The blush faded from her cheeks, and she knew all the color had fled. Biting her lip, she glanced up.

Faith’s brown eyes caught hers. She didn’t say anything, though. She merely looked, and Tara read the promise in that steady gaze. For now, Faith would let her overreaction go. Soon, though…Faith would be back with questions.

The library was up ahead. Tara picked up the pace, needing to get inside and away from Faith and Willow. Nearly sagging with relief, she set her foot on steps leading to the front doors.

“Not so fast, T.” Tara froze at Faith’s husky command.

Her foot slipped off the step as she turned. “Wh-what?” Tara stuttered, peering up at the other girl through her bangs. She wiped her sweating palms on her skirt.

Arms crossed over her chest, Faith answered, “When you head back to the dorms, you give us a call.”

As if they’d choreographed the maneuver, Willow dug a piece of paper out of her backpack and held it out to Tara.

Reluctantly, Tara took it and peered at the number scrawled across it. “Th-this isn’t the number you le-left earlier.”

“Nah. Don’t know why Red even gave you that one. Ain’t like we’re ever at home.” Faith’s dimples teased a smile from Tara. “Always got the cell phone with me, though.” The grin (and the dimples) disappeared. “No more picking up fangy dates, T. Me and Red…hell, even B, if she ain’t out with her newest boy toy, can get you where you need to be.”

Stuffing the paper into her pocket, Tara edged up the first step. “OK.” She hoped the answer sounded convincing, even though she had no intention of using the escort service. “Thanks for the help tonight.” Running up the stairs, Tara fled for the peace and quiet of the library.

***

The Bronze started filling up as Buffy sipped her second soft drink. Where was Willow? Buffy didn’t spare a thought for Faith. She was always late; not Willow. If anything, she was always annoyingly on time.

Her senses tingled.

Buffy began scanning the bar automatically then slumped back into her previous pose when the feeling finally registered. The missing couple had arrived. That just left Anya and Xander. Smiling wryly, Buffy wondered if they would even make it for the meeting or if they were staying home and in bed.

“Yo, B.” Faith dropped onto the couch and bumped Buffy’s shoulder. “You look like you been here a while. Mrs. S didn’t toss you out again, did she?”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy nodded. “Yes, Faith. She did. Mom kicked me out of the house, which I don’t live in anymore. I don’t know where I’ll go now. It’s not like I have a dorm room to go to or anything.” She had a dorm room. Could she actually go there if Tara was back?

Snorting, Faith took a swig from her root beer bottle. “Bitch.”

It might have degenerated into their usual exchange of insults if Willow hadn’t interrupted. “What did you do to Tara?” she demanded bluntly. “We saw her on the way here. She freaked when we mentioned joining us.” Steely green eyes bore into Buffy. “You knew she would. You told me she wouldn’t come because you would be here.”

Buffy squirmed under that look. She tried to delay answering by peering around the Bronze. “Have either of you seen Xander or Anya?” she mumbled.

“Buffy…” Willow’s voice warned her there would be consequences if she stalled anymore.

She had to try one last time. “Wiiiill,” Buffy whined. “It’s bad. I don’t want to tell it more than once. Can’t we wait? I mean, they’re only…” she checked her watch and groaned, “forty minutes late. They might still make it.”

“B, we all know the Demon ain’t letting X-man out of bed for this.” Faith turned on the couch so she faced Buffy. “What the fuck did you do? You’re sweatin’ like a whore in Church.”

“’k…not real sure what that means, Faith.” Buffy gave up and set her glass on the table. “If it’s got something to do with wanting to throw up at just the thought of the way you used to be, then yep, that’s me.” Tracing a pattern in the condensation on the glass, she continued. “You remember me talking about the way I was before I was Called. The whole Cordy Clone thing.”

Two nods answered her.

Buffy didn’t know how to make this sound anything other than terrible. “Tara played Willow to my Cordy.”

“You made fun of her clothes?” Buffy might have laughed at Willow’s question if the situation hadn’t been so serious.

She shook her head. “Worse.” Risking a glance up, Buffy met her best friend’s wary look.

“How worse?” Those green eyes never wavered.

The urge to hide was back. Ignoring the lure of the dark space under the table, Buffy spilled her secret. Recounting the same story she’d told Joyce, she kept her eyes locked on Willow’s.

As she talked, the bright green darkened with pain and blurred with tears.

Buffy forced the words out. “I…I think that’s why I knew I couldn’t be part of the Cordette’s, Will. I saw the way she treated you that first day. It was me, and I hated it. I hated the way she hurt you.”

“Was I some kind of project, Buffy?” Willow asked. She sniffed and scrubbed a hand over her face. “Some way to make yourself feel better?”

All the sugary soda had been a bad idea. Swallowing to keep it inside and not all over the table, Buffy nodded jerkily. “At first, maybe.”

Willow jumped up, Faith on her feet only seconds later.

“Don’t.” Panicking, Buffy stood and held out an imploring hand. “Will, please. Just…let me explain. It was just at first. Then I got to know you, and now you’re my best friend.” She tried to grin; it felt wrong. Twisted. “I’m not that person anymore.”

“Maybe not.” Willow’s words weren’t reassuring. She backed away from the table, clutching Faith’s hand.

Buffy started to follow then stopped when a slim hand snapped up.

Face pale, Willow took another step. “I…I need some time, Buffy. You should have told me. How could you not have told me what you did?”

Before Buffy could marshal a defense, Faith and Willow had disappeared into the dancing crowd.

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